Inconceivable
by CrimeSceneDna
Summary: Everything about their situation was inconceivable, not even in their wildest dreams would they have imagined ending up here. E/O but with a twist.
1. Cold

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, I only wish I did.**

**There are many Olivia/Elliot/Baby stories out there, many of which follow the same theme. I wanted to try something a little different and explore the happiness and sadness having a baby can bring because sometimes having a child just isn't how you expected it to be. **

**This chapter may seem a little cold (hence it's name) but I needed a starting point. The subsequent chapters will go on to explain their situation further and explore their feelings as I understand that in this chapter Elliot may come across as a jerk, that isn't intended I just wanted to capture how sometimes words can get taken the wrong way and how sometimes you hear only whats on the surface and not the important words that fall in between.  
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Olivia sat on the hospital bed staring at a small spot on the wall where the plaster was beginning to peel away, she silently wondered what may have occupied the space in the years before. Of course this really was of no interest to her but it helped pass the time a little. Eventually she decided that the wall wasn't so different from her heart, with its casing peeling away leaving the interior very exposed and when the heart is exposed it is so much easier for disaster to strike.

Her back ached immensely and she felt like she no longer had any sensation in her legs, gently she moved her knees up slightly to escape from the position that until recently she'd been able to hold perfectly.

"Ms Benson, I know I said that I could afford to wait a little but I really do have other patients to see." The nurse stated with a little aggravation evident in her voice.

"Please just five more minutes? He'll be here." Olivia almost pleaded.

"I have to go see a couple in the next room, I'll send another nurse in."

"Thank you." Olivia forced a smile.

She noted the sympathetic look that the nurse gave her before exiting the room and felt embarrassment sweep over her for the second time that day. The first time had been thirty minutes earlier when her name was called in reception. She'd ignored it at first and carried on reading the magazine in her hands, just hoping that the nurse would come back in a few minutes and this time he'd be beside her. She hadn't been that lucky as the nurse clearly recognised her and walked over to tell her that they were ready. As that very nurse entered the room Olivia allowed herself to feel somewhat relieved at least she didn't have to deal with the embarrassment a third time. She had known this nurse for years, seen her about the hospital during cases and they were now on a first name basis.

"Olivia I could easily see another patient if you need a bit more time?"

Olivia genuinely smiled this time but her face quickly fell as an answer slipped from her lips.

"Don't bother, we could wait until the end of time and he still wouldn't be here. I can do this by myself."

Her heart sank a little as she wondered how she went from 'he'll be here' to 'he won't be here' in a period of less than ten minutes. Suddenly realisation set in that she'd lost a little faith in her partner, after all the times she'd been there for him, even in times when it was killing her to be strong for him she gave it her all despite everything and the one time she really needed him he was nowhere to be seen. Deep down she knew that she was being unfair, after all he did follow her to New Jersey when she was searching for her brother and he'd tried to be there when her mother had died but she'd pushed him away.

She'd held his limp body against herself, allowing his head to fit perfectly, almost too perfectly below her chin after his head went through the car window. She'd even held back the tears as he informed her that he couldn't see and somewhat painfully she'd been glad that he couldn't see her discomfort and even more glad that Kathy didn't notice her pain as Elliot held his wife's hand to his face. Then there had been the car accident, she'd held his wife as she welcomed their fifth child into the world, a child she wished so badly was her own. She even held that beautiful baby boy before Elliot himself and for a second she'd even romanticized the notion that one day it could be them, married, so madly in love and having a child.

Standing outside looking in through the glass divide had split her heart into a million pieces, it was finally time to stop fantasying about a man she could never have and move on with her life. All these years of waiting had taken her life from her, she'd sacrificed every chance of happiness because she was certain eventually she could have something better but now watching him cradle his son in his arms and look lovingly at the wife he'd almost lost on so many levels she decided to let go. She hadn't let go like she promised herself she would when Elliot blew her whole world apart by three simple words, _"Kathy is pregnant."_This time she would let go even if it took everything she had left.

As he pulled her into that unexpected hug her mind became clouded once again with emotions that shouldn't be there. It was his way of saying 'thank you', no words were needed as his strong arms were more than capable of saying it all. Her body shook beneath his hold and it took complete self control to stop her lips from claiming his.

"_Kathy wants to name him after me."_

She allowed the words _"Just what the world needs. Another Elliot Stabler."_ To escape from her mouth when really all she wanted to say was "I'd do anything to have an Elliot Stabler of my own."

"Olivia?"

Olivia looked up unable to stop the tears falling down her pale cheeks.

"Please Claire can we just get this over with?"

Claire smiled sympathetically as Olivia gently pulled her shirt up slightly.

"Sweetheart you're going to have to pull it up a little bit further for me."

Olivia's hands shook almost violently as she took hold of the edge of her shirt once again and she couldn't fight the pent up emotion any longer as she felt Claire's hands on top of hers.

"I'm sorry, I just...."

"Honey there is no need to be ashamed of feeling this way. Many people in this situation express their emotions much more than this."

"And what situation would that be exactly?" Olivia almost snapped.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean it like that." Claire was shaken as she hadn't meant it in the way Olivia had clearly interpreted it.

Olivia slowly let her guard down even further and looked up with blurry eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"I feel so fat and so ugly and so....so unwanted. I can't even do this right. You know he can't even look at me, not directly. I've been trying to convince myself that everything is okay but the reality is that he's repulsed by me and repulsed by what we've done."

"Olivia, you are pregnant, being fat comes along as part of the package and anyway I wouldn't say you were fat, positively plump maybe."

Olivia allowed a small smile before the nurse started speaking again.

"And as for ugly...you are one of the most beautiful women I've ever met. If he doesn't see that then that is truly his loss."

Olivia smiled once more and turned her head towards the monitor as the gel was applied to her stomach. She felt a cooling sensation across her abdomen and watched with anticipation and a little worry as the image of her baby filled the screen. This time a full smile spread across her face until she realised that it had been several minutes and the nurse was yet to say a word.

"Is something wrong?" Panic was clearly evident in her voice.

"Everything looks perfectly fine. The baby is developing well. Maybe a little on the small side but that isn't anything to worry about."

"A little on the small side? Then why am I so god damn fat already?! I am bigger than most women at 16 weeks aren't I? This isn't something I'm just imagining."

"I won't lie to you Olivia you are a lot bigger but that doesn't mean anything, everyone is different and carries off a pregnancy differently. Older women do tend to put on a little more weight as do those on subsequent pregnancies."

"Can you tell what it is?"

"Unfortunately he or she doesn't want us to know yet. Maybe at the next sonogram it will have changed position. I promise you that everything is fine though."

"I can't believe this is finally happening."

Claire smiled and handed Olivia a copy of the sonogram image.

"Would you like another copy just in case?"

"No, I have all I need thank you."

Claire wiped the gel from Olivia's stomach and watched with concern as she slid her legs round and eased herself down from the bed.

"You take things easy Olivia, don't try to be a hero."

Olivia laughed "I'll try but desk work has never been my thing."

"Look I know it's not my place to say but I'm sure there's a good reason why he didn't make it today. He cares about you."

"The problem is that he doesn't care enough."

As Olivia exited the hospital she thought to herself that nothing in the world could ruin that moment, the moment of seeing her first child move inside of her and although things were a little different than she'd imagined she could still give this child a whole lot of love. Looking down at her hand resting on her enlarged stomach she didn't notice the guy almost running towards her, in far too much of a hurry to be looking where he was going. He bumped into her, it was both gentle and unintentional but a bump all the same.

"I'm so sorry, I..I'm running late.... I should have been looking where I was going."

Olivia looked up and found herself looking into the crystal blue orbs of none other than Elliot Stabler.

"God Liv."

"You're too late." Olivia mumbled as she headed back towards her car, fully aware from his pleading screams that he was following close behind.

"Liv please, just give me a moment to explain." His hand reached out and grabbed hold of her arm yanking her towards him. Olivia's small cry of pain knocked some sense into him making him loosen his grip but still holding on enough in the hope of keeping her close to him.

"Get the fuck off me." Olivia screamed at him, not caring that half the parking lot was staring at them.

"Liv stop it. Stop it right now. Do you have to make such a scene?"

"Oh so this is my fault? Great, that's just great!"

"God why do you twist every word I say Olivia. Can't you see what this is doing to us?"

Olivia went silent and stopped trying to fight his hold which made Elliot release her completely; confident that she wouldn't walk away from him and that finally he was making some progress. He'd been wrong.

"You're right El, this is my fault. I could have gone out there and _**fucked **_any man I wanted." Olivia made sure to put extra tone into the word 'fucked' and unwilling took satisfaction as Elliot winced.

"But like the idiot I am I chose to have a baby with you. I thought who better to father a baby than my best friend and a guy who is an amazing father to five beautiful children. I thought I'd made the right decision but I was stupid to think that you could ever love this baby." Her hand rested protectively on her stomach to make the point that she was going to love this baby even if he couldn't.

"Liv you know that isn't true." He exhales deeply. "I...it's just so different this time....I mean....you're....you're not Kathy."

Elliot saw the anger and horror rush through Olivia's eyes. He hadn't meant to say that and he sure as hell didn't mean it the way it sounded. He opened his mouth to speak only to be stopped by Olivia's hand making contact with the side of his face.

"You bastard. You fucking bastard!"

"I didn't mean it like that, I promise I didn't. I can explain."

"Screw you Elliot. Screw you."

Olivia ran as fast as was humanly possible for someone in her condition towards her car, she pulled open the door and sped away without even thinking about her seatbelt. Elliot ran as fast as he could to catch up with her but it wasn't enough, as the adrenaline surged through his body he realised once again that he was too late. He watched the car disappearing before walking back across the parking lot and allowing his body to fall onto a nearby bench. He easily gets lost in his thoughts, not even noticing the person slipping into the space next to him.

"You know she waited the best part of an hour for you."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

Elliot looked up with tears in his eyes as he felt Claire's hand on his arm.

"There was a traffic pile up down the road, the traffic was going so slow around it that I pulled my car up to the curb and ran the remaining twelve blocks to get here."

"Elliot, traffic isn't your fault. She'll understand when you tell her."

"I left the office late and that is my fault. I've spent weeks trying to figure out how to deal with this, how to act. If I should hold her hand, if it would be alright to cry as I watch our child moving inside of her, if I could get away with giving her a kiss on the forehead. I was so damn busy trying to figure it all out that I forgot it was today. I sat staring at her desk for at least forty-five minutes before I realised why she wasn't there. She has every right to be mad at me, I've ruined everything."

"Any man can make a baby but it takes a real man to be a father and that is why she chose you Elliot."

"And look at the mess I've made of all this already. It wasn't supposed to be this way."

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."

Elliot wiped the tears from his eyes and stood up straightening his tie. He turned to Claire and offered her a small smile.

"Was everything okay?"

"The baby is fine Elliot but I'm worried about Olivia."

"You mean there's something wrong? Because of her age? Will she be okay?"

Claire noted the panic in Elliot's eyes and once again placed her hand on his arm.

"It was just something she said, it's not my place to say. She needs to tell you herself."

Elliot took a few moments to compose himself then turned and ran back across the parking lot.

"Elliot where are you going?" Claire shouted after him.

"I'm going to make my new ending." He replied over his shoulder without even stopping, all that mattered now was making things right.


	2. Fight

**So here is chapter 2, I'm working on 3 already so hopefully it won't be long. I think I know where I'm going with this story, for the next few chapters at least but if anyone has any opinions on how they would like this to go then I'm eager to hear them (well read them :) ). Hope you enjoy and if you don't then I'm sorry you wasted your time reading this.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing and unfortunately don't have enough money to even own them for a split second. **

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Olivia sat curled up on the sofa in an old T-shirt of Elliot's that she had taken from his locker several years earlier. If she brings the fabric up to her nose and closes her eyes real tight she can easily convince herself that it still smells of him. Realistically it doesn't, she has washed it too many times for it to possibly hold any trace of him but the mind is a beautiful thing and everybody loves the false sense of security that these moments can bring. Thoughts swirl around in her head like a tornado spiralling across a city, with only broken pieces and shattered lives left behind. Memories bring a smile to her face but as they fade her smile fades with them, erasing any traces of happiness, leaving behind devastation and an empty shell.

Memories of the day she realised she was finally going to become a mother flood her mind carrying her away to a better time but also making her fee empty in the process.

******

She hadn't been feeling right for weeks, she was tired, aching and moody. She'd put it down to stress at first, as a particular trying case was beginning to eat away at her but suddenly she remembered her period. She was late, only by a couple of weeks but late all the same.

She walked out of the restroom at the precinct and straight into Elliot who had followed her out of concern. The tiredness and mood swings had not escaped him but he too had stress pinned as the cause.

"El, I think I'm pregnant." Olivia informed him with tears in her eyes.

"Wow, already? I was thinking we might have had to have a few more tries."

"Well it seems like your swimmers are as strong as ever."

They both laughed and Olivia reached out to hold his hand.

"I thought I'd take a test tonight, after work."

"That's good, uh....could I be there?"

Olivia smiled as she wanted nothing more than to be with him as she found out she was having his child, it all helped with the fantasy she had mapped out in her brain, made it all a little more believable.

"Really El? You wanna watch me pee on a stick? I think you've be working here too long."

She laughed and Elliot squeezed her hand. He opened his mouth to say something but words failed him. He wanted to grab her and spin her around, shower her with kisses and allow his tears to cascade down his cheeks but that wasn't Elliot Stabler. Elliot Stabler didn't do things like that and more importantly Elliot Stabler suddenly didn't know how to feel.

He walked her towards his car with his hand permanently resting on her back, making a statement to the world that he was her protector. They drove in silence to the pharmacy, neither sure what to say to each other until Elliot pulled the car up outside and unclipped his seatbelt.

"I'll go." He said without trying to sound too forceful.

"It's okay, I'll get it."

"No Liv. It's raining, you stay here. I don't want you to catch a cold."

Liv smiled at his protectiveness, they weren't even certain that she was carrying his child but the sheer possibility of it was enough to push him into 'Dad' mode.

Back at her apartment she had tried to give him the money for the test but he flat out refused to take it. He told her that it was never too early to start taking responsibility and in that moment she fell in love with him even more. They sat side by side on the edge of the bath tub as the test sat balanced on the edge of the sink. Three minutes suddenly seemed like a life time as they waited to find out their future.

"So what exactly are we looking for? A pink line?" Elliot questioned. He knew that wasn't the case but he felt the need to break the tension that was radiating through the small room.

Olivia picked up the box and smiled.

"Apparently this one spells it out for you."

"I bet they made it with all those teenage mothers out there in mind."

Olivia laughed and gave him a gentle slap before placing her hands back onto the edge of the bathtub. She was gripping the edge as if her life depended on it, almost as if she let go she would fall. Elliot was much calmer, at least on the outside. He leaned forward and picked up the test.

"Congratulations Mommy!"

"What?"

"You're pregnant Liv." Elliot laughs.

Neither of them were sure how they ended up in the bathtub but neither of them cared. Elliot was pressed against the bottom of the bath with Olivia straddling his waist, his arms wrapped around her. He couldn't help but notice that his hands were dangerously close to her ass and it took immense self control to stop himself from giving her a quick squeeze.

Olivia looked down at him with tears in her eyes, he moved his left hand up and gently wiped a lone tear away with a simple brush of his thumb.

"We're having a baby." Olivia whispered as she climbed off Elliot and sat beside him.

They sat side by side, heads against the wall, legs hanging over the side of the bath and their hands entwined between them. Olivia's head rested in the crook of his neck and he allowed his head to rest gently on top of hers.

"El?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything."

Elliot smiled and squeezed her hand.

"I'm the one who should be saying thank you."

"Why?" Olivia asked truly puzzled.

"For everything." He replied as he got up and walked towards the door.

****

He knocked at first and called out her name, shaking her from her thoughts. She ignored him but then he started to pound on the door and she was sure that if she didn't open it his body would come flying through. Not wanting to deal with a damaged door she opened it but not enough for him to pass through, she watched as his eyes quickly darted to the floor after noticing she only had a T-shirt on. Before Elliot could even think of anything to say he felt the door slam against his foot, he instinctively pushed his knee forward to stop the door closing completely.

"Liv please just hear me out."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"I'm not asking you to say anything, I just want you to hear me out. If you can't do it for me then do it for our baby."

"Our baby? Oh no El you don't get to do this to me. This is my baby and my baby alone"

"What? No! That was not the deal. I didn't make this baby with you just to walk away."

"Since when did we make a deal Elliot? Is this what this is to you? A fucking deal?"

"Liv please just let me in, I don't want to do this on the doorstep."

"Then walk away, after all that is what you're good at!" She spat at him in reply.

Tears poured down his cheeks as her reply became lodged in his brain, his own voice lost somewhere in his tears. Olivia saw the pain in his eyes and nervously bit her lip.

"Fine but hurry up and say what you have to say and then leave. I don't want you here."

Olivia moved to one side and Elliot squeezed through the gap. Due to the limited space Elliot's body brushed against Olivia's stomach, he wanted nothing more than to lean forward and place his hands on either side but he knew better and looked away before moving past as quickly as possible.

"Do you remember how we even got onto this topic? I mean back then, how I found out that you were desperate to be a mother?"

"I couldn't forget even if I wanted to."

Olivia sighed and sat down on the sofa and Elliot knew that her guard was down and that this was his time to make her understand how hard this was for him.

"I couldn't either, I remember your exact words."

"'_You know what they went through to get those embryos?'_And I didn't even think about anybody else not for one second when I uttered my reply of I had kids the old fashioned way."

"You can't even say that anymore because it's not entirely true."

Olivia smiled a little and Elliot allowed himself to laugh.

"Well I guess that's true."

He sat down on the sofa beside her and reached for her hand, somewhat surprised when she entwined her fingers with his.

"'_Some people aren't as blessed as you.'_ Now that just broke my heart because I realised that for years you'd been hurting and I hadn't been there to help you out. Instead I'd pushed my life onto you, god it must have killed you as I yapped on about my kids all day."

"El..."

"No Liv let me finish. The thing is I wasn't blessed, don't get me wrong I love my children with everything I have but I was in a sham of a marriage and watching my kids go through hell every day, that is not a blessing. I didn't plan any of my kids with Kathy and I didn't support her, at least not in the way I should have."

He stops to take a deep breath and wipe away the tears cascading down his cheeks.

"We never sat and waited on a pregnancy test together, never went to a sonogram together and I'm not blaming her. I was always at work or making excuses to not be at home. I let her down and I don't want to do that again. Hell none of our children were even planned. The first baby I ever planned to have was with you and I don't regret that decision."

"If you don't regret that decision then why doesn't she know that I'm carrying your child?"

"Liv....."

"I saw her in town yesterday before my appointment. She was shocked that I was pregnant and she asked me who the father was. How could you put me in that position?"

Olivia saw Elliot's face pale instantly and tugged her hand out of his hold.

"Don't worry I didn't tell her your dirty little secret."

"This is not some dirty little secret Liv. I would happily scream from every rooftop in the god damn world that you are having my baby but I didn't think that was what you wanted. You haven't told any body have you?"

"Don't turn this back to me El. Why haven't you told Kathy?"

"Because she isn't my wife anymore so my choices are none of her business and telling somebody makes this real. I'm not ashamed of what we did, of what we've created I just wish things had been different."

"You mean you wish you'd actually got to fuck me? Would it have been more worth your while then?"

"Yes...No...God Liv why are you doing this to me?"

"Because you lied to me Elliot, you promised me you wanted this but you didn't. You did it because you didn't know how to say no to me. You were too much of a coward to deal with the consequences of saying no."

"Liv that is not true. I swear I wanted this....I still do."

"Then why are you so afraid to admit it?"

Elliot couldn't answer and he couldn't bear to look at her any longer, he stood and walked to the window. He turned his body away from the sofa so that the trembling of his lips or the redness of his eyes are oblivious to Olivia.

"You know what El, why don't I answer that for you?! It's because having this baby with me is a sin and if you don't admit that then you don't have to admit to a sin."

"No, this baby is a blessing. Having a baby out of wedlock is a sin but if I had to do it all over again I would."

"Oh great so when Alex announces she is dying to have a baby you'll step right up to offer your services."

"No Olivia, you are the only person in this world I would commit a sin for."

"I need you to leave. I can't do this anymore."

"I don't understand. Olivia please."

"Just go El, I need to be alone."

Elliot admitting defeat got up to leave knowing that he could try again tomorrow and this time he'd be able to say exactly what his heart wants.

"I wasn't lying when I said you'd make a great mom or how the adoption agency was wrong but that wasn't the reason I agreed to father this baby."

"It wasn't?"

"No. The reason I agreed was because....."

Elliot's cell phone shrieked out almost in appeal to the words he was about to say. He flipped open his phone and sighed knowing that his confession would have to wait until another day.


	3. Impulsive

**Disclaimer: I own nobody..yet. **

**Things have never been easy for Benson and Stabler so why start now? I have chapters 4 and 5 almost finished, just need a little tweaking, I may even post chapter 4 up tomorrow. Enjoy! **

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It had been 4 weeks, 2 days, 12 hours, 4 minutes and approximately 26 seconds since his cell phone had interrupted his confession. Elliot sighed and ran his hand through his short hair while staring at the empty desk opposite him. Olivia had been avoiding him and in the recent weeks he had only been paired with her once, he didn't know if Olivia had asked for it to be that way or if Cragen had simply picked up on the tension between them. Secretly he hoped for the latter.

Olivia was now 20 weeks pregnant with his child. _**His child**_. He smiled to himself but as Olivia walked in and slumped down into the chair behind her desk his smile was wiped quickly away. She looked tired and pale and he couldn't help thinking that it was his fault. He had been reading up on the subject, eager to understand everything. Sure he had five other children but there was something different about this one, something that made him want to be more involved than ever before. He read about the changes to a woman's body, how she could suffer from body aches, itching, fatigue and even carpal tunnel and he suddenly wished he could take it all away.

"Morning, did you sleep well?" He asked hopefully.

Olivia glared at him before opening a file on her desk and pretending to be immensely busy. Elliot watched as she struggled to get comfortable, stretching in her chair and he couldn't help but notice how much bigger her breasts had gotten. He felt himself getting hard and mentally slapped himself for the way his body was reacting. He tried to think of other things but his eyes kept finding their way back to the same spot.

"Liv?"

Olivia didn't even bother to look up, she didn't even want to answer him but she knew she had to, after all it could be about work.

"Yeah?"

Elliot took a quick glance around to make sure no one was listening.

"Did you know that right now our baby is covered by fine, downy hair called lanugo and a waxy coating called vernix. It's to protect the skin forming underneath."

Olivia closed the file and looked up at him.

"And did you know that eyebrows, eyelashes, fingernails, and toenails have formed. Our baby can even scratch itself. How cool is that?"

Olivia couldn't help but laugh, his use of 'our' warmed her heart and she was surprised at how excited he seemed to be. Elliot got up and walked around the desk, dropping to his knees beside her. Olivia gasped as his hand snaked under her top and he brought his face down to rest against the side of her belly.

"Our baby can swallow and do you know the coolest thing, she can even hear us. So I figured we should quit all the shouting and at least try to be civil for her sake."

Olivia rested her hand on the back of his head as he moved even closer to her, he whispered his next words quietly but Olivia could hear every one loud and clear.

"Hey baby, I'm your Daddy and I'm always gonna be there for you."

Just as Olivia was about to pull his face up to meet hers she heard footsteps heading in their direction. Elliot quickly scrambled to his feet and pretended to be looking for something in his locker.

"Hey baby girl." Fin called as he walked into the squad room.

"Hey, hey sweetheart what's wrong?"

Elliot looked up to see tears cascading down Olivia's pale cheeks and as he turned to Fin he was met with a cold stare.

"Has that rat bastard been upsetting you again?"

"Hey I haven't done a damn thing." Elliot shouted as he marched across the room towards Fin. On his way he caught a glimpse of Olivia's stomach and stopped dead in his tracks.

Olivia quickly answered to stop Elliot losing it.

"It's just these damn hormones Fin, I'm fine. " Olivia said trying to convince herself more so than trying to convince Fin.

Olivia and Fin were both clearly shocked as the rage immediately left Elliot's eyes and he sat down at his desk to carry on with some paperwork. He hesitated for a second before looking over at Fin.

"Fin I would really appreciate it if you didn't swear in front of Liv, the baby can hear you."

Fin looked confused at his colleague's sudden change of temperament and was unsure of what to say for a few minutes. So he placed his hand on Olivia's stomach and smiled.

"This little one is gonna grow to be big and strong just like his uncle Fin!"

Elliot felt jealousy surge through him as he saw Fin's hand, he clenched his fists under the table trying to convince himself that it didn't bother him.

"Elliot thinks I'm having a girl."

Elliot could hear happiness in her voice and he allowed his eyes to meet hers.

"No way baby girl, that's a boy in there for sure. El just thinks because he has five children he knows it all but I'm telling ya he's wrong."

Olivia laughed and rubbed her belly.

"If it's a boy I was thinking I might call him Elliot Fin John Don Benson."

"Get rid of the first name and that is one perfect name you got there."

As Fin walked off Elliot suddenly became aware of a presence beside him. He felt her warm breath on his ear long before he heard the words.

"I was thinking the first name was the best part." She whispered before walking out of the room.

*******

Olivia walked slowly up the stairwell of her apartment building, she was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sleep. Today had been positive, Elliot had seem genuinely excited about their baby so much so he'd even been reading around the subject. She wasn't even going to pretend that she wasn't impressed because in all honesty it set her on fire. As she approached her apartment she could hear gentle sobbing, as she got closer she realised there was a very distraught teenager leaning against her door.

"Lizzie sweetheart, what's wrong?" Olivia asked as she went to put her arm around the crying girl.

"Don't." Lizzie replied while pushing Olivia's arm away from her.

Olivia tried to reach for Lizzie once more but it was to no avail.

"I don't want to talk to you!" Lizzie screamed.

"Honey why did you come if you didn't want to talk?"

Olivia smiled gently as she unlocked the door and walked inside expecting Lizzie to follow her.

"You gonna come in or is standing in apartment hallways a new trend amongst you teenagers?"

Lizzie couldn't help but laugh as she turned and followed Olivia inside. She didn't want to believe what her Mother had told her, Olivia cared about them and she'd always looked out for them. You didn't do things like that if you didn't care but then again maybe her Mom was right, maybe Olivia's kindness had been for other reasons.

"Can I get you a drink or something to eat?" Olivia called from the kitchen.

"Is it true?"

"Is what true?" Olivia walked into the living room and stopped by the sofa.

"My Mom said that you're a whore and that you've been shagging my Dad for years. That you're the reason he was never home and that now you're having his baby. She said you tricked him into getting you pregnant so that you could take him away from us."

"Oh Honey.....it wasn't like that I promise. We're not..."

"Just cut the crap Olivia, is that my Dad's baby?"

Olivia could see the anger and pain flashing through Lizzie's eyes, she reminded her so much of Elliot. She could understand why Lizzie was angry, she was angry too. She was angry at Kathy for making things sound worse than they actually were but at the same time she was scared, scared because she didn't know how to explain to a hysterical teenager that she was carrying their Father's baby.

"Yes but it's not what you think, sweetie just hear me out okay?"

"Why should I? I thought you cared about me, I thought I could talk to you about anything."

"You can, you know I'm always here for you."

"Yeah well it seems you can't talk to me. When were you going to tell me that I've got another brother or sister on the way?! I hate you Olivia and I hope you die giving birth to it."

Olivia grabbed Lizzie's arm as she turned to run but she quickly pulled from her grip and shoved Olivia away from her before running from the apartment, slamming the door behind her. Olivia was in too much shock to move so she lent against the wall and cried. Lizzie was right, they should have told the kids what they were doing instead of hiding it. They were going to find out eventually because hiding the paternity of her child had never been on the cards. She sighed and realised there was no way that she could put Elliot through the pain and sorrow of his children turning against him. There was no way in the world that she could make this right. There was only one option left.

*****

At home that evening Elliot started making a list. He wasn't sure why because he figured normally the sperm donor didn't get a say in the matter but as usual Liv and himself weren't following the trend or the rules. Elliot put pen to paper noting the names as well as their meanings and then scrawled his own comments underneath.

**Jade** - The jade stone.

_Beautiful, sophisticated and elegant, just like her mother._

**Sacha **– French: the defender or helper of mankind.

_More like something you would call a puppy._

**Sage**** -** Old French: Wise. Also the name of a herb.

_Too herby, no one will take her seriously with a name like that._

**Mary** - Hebrew: Bitter, as in a bitterly wanted child. Latin: The star of the sea.

_Good religious name but too similar to Maureen and too old fashioned._

**Aaliyah** - Arabic, Hebrew: high exalted, to ascend.

_Something about this name screams at me – not sure why. _

**Alexis** – Greek: the protector and helper of mankind.

_Beautiful meaning and would be important to both of us. After her brave Aunt, the protector of the law._

**Alexandra **– Greek: the defender or helper of mankind.

_A good strong name for a beautifully strong little girl. Same reasons as above._

**Eden**** -** Hebrew: the place of pleasure.

Old English: a bear cub.

_Maybe not exactly suitable but I'm drawn to it._

**Jesse **– Hebrew: God's gift.

_Perfect in every sense. Our baby is a gift from God._

Elliot put down his list and suddenly felt brave. He quickly changed out of his work clothes into some sweatpants and an NYPD t-shirt, picked up his list and headed towards the car. As he drove up to Olivia's apartment he realised that he wasn't sure what he was doing there or what he was actually going to say when she opened the door. The last thing he wanted was another fight.

He pulled on his hoody and zipped it right up to fight off the cold night as he walked up to the apartment building. He took the stairs one by one to buy him some more time.

"_Look Liv, I want to be part of this baby's life...so I made a list of names."_

_God, what a pathetic thing to say. She'll think I'm accusing her of being incapable of choosing a good name. _

He shook his head and carried on walking up the flight of stairs. On reaching her apartment he saw the front door was slightly open and smiled to himself, taking this as a sign of peace. She'd obviously seen his car pull up and decided to spare herself the discomfort of listening to him hammering on the door while she got up to answer it.

"Liv?" He called out.

"Olivia?"

Elliot looked around the living room and then headed into the kitchen, she wasn't in either. He walked to the bathroom and peeked round the door, the room was empty. Figuring that she had gone for a lay down he walked into the bedroom.

"Liv I know you probably don't want me here but...."

He stopped mid sentence as he noticed the bed was perfectly made and there was no sign of Olivia. He noticed a piece of paper on the night stand, it looked like it was some kind of note. His name was handwritten on the front and it was definitely her handwriting. He opened the piece of paper and began to read.

"God damn it!" He screamed to no one in particular as he ran through the apartment, down the stairs, out into the street and to his car. He threw open the door and got in before screeching away into the darkness.


	4. Authority

**I've struggled with this chapter a little bit and unfortunately it is not as good as I had hoped it would be but hopefully the next chapter will be better. Enjoy and please let me know what you think!**

* * *

_**The beginning of eternity  
The end of time and space  
The beginning of every end  
And the end of every place**_

Elliot looked at the note which he had stuck to the dashboard with a piece of chewing gum. He didn't understand what it meant, he knew it was a riddle but it made no sense as to why Olivia would leave him one or as to why she would leave her front door open for him to find it. He picked up his cell phone and hit speed dial one.

"Liv, where the hell are you? I thought we were okay?" He asked before she could even say hello.

"Ah Detective Stabler I wondered how long it would take for you to contact us. You thought you were okay? Oh dear have you two been fighting again?"

"Who the fuck are you? Where's Olivia?"

"You don't recognise my voice Elliot?"

Elliot let the words run around his head for a second, over analysing every single one just trying to remember where he knew that voice from. He prayed it wasn't a past perp with a grudge, he knew how dangerous they could be.

"Just tell me if she is okay. Please."

A laugh came through the phone before some background noise then an answer.

"Detective Benson is a bit tied up at the moment and quite frankly we are getting bored waiting for you. Time is running out Elliot. Time to stop being a sheep."

Realisation suddenly set in. He knew that voice.

"Merritt you fucking bastard, if you touch her I swear to God I will kill you."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you Elliot but you don't get to make the rules. I suggest you hurry up and decipher your partner's riddle, there's a lot at stake here. In fact her life depends on it. Her life depends on YOU."

"Why, why are you doing this?" Elliot was crying and frantically driving through the city without a destination in mind.

"Firstly I wanted to take last time a step further. I asked you how far you were willing to go to save your partner and you proved yourself to a certain level. This time I want to see how far you will really go. I'm helping you out here and you have to agree that so far I've been nice. I left you a clue, an easy one at that. The rules are simple Detective Stabler, you stick to the rules and it's a fair game. Unfortunately for you Detective Benson didn't do as she was told, she tried to help you out when she was writing that riddle for me and when you break the rules you have to be punished. It seems shes a little unstable without you Stabler." Merritt laughed at his own joke and listened to Elliot's sobs echoing through the phone.

"Well I must go now. I'm giving you fifteen minutes and then we're starting without you. Goodbye Elliot."

The phone went dead. Elliot slammed his hands against the steering wheel and pulled over to the side of the road, ripping the riddle off the dashboard he screamed out her name.

_**The beginning of eternity  
The end of time and space  
The beginning of every end  
And the end of every place**_

_Come on Elliot you can do this, just think…._

_Think…._

_You don't have much time, stay calm, just stay calm. _

_The beginning of eternity…the end of time and space…E…._

_The beginning of every end….the end of every place…E…_

_The answer is E._

Elliot grabs his cell phone and hits redial. Merritt's voice once again comes through the phone.

"Well, well wasn't that quick. You have an answer for me?"

"E. The answer is E." Elliot shouts.

"I think I may have underestimated you detective Stabler, I really thought it would take you a little longer. Ready for part two?"

"Part two? No way arsehole you tell me where she is."

"My my what a temper we have today. Part two is going to give you her location Elliot but only if you are clever enough to work it out. So listen carefully."

_**What force and strength cannot get through,**_

_**I with a gentle touch can do.  
And many in the street would stand,**_

_**Were I not a friend at hand.  
What am I?**_

"Tick tock, tick tock, the time is running out on my clock."

"Let me speak to her. Put her on, I need to know she is still alive. That this isn't another one of your stupid tricks."

"The thing is Elliot, you can not afford to disbelieve me. If you are right then everybody gets away from this unharmed but if you are wrong what happens to poor Detective Benson? You know she reminds me very much of my wife especially in her condition. Wouldn't it be a shame to let your partner and her child die because you were too busy being a sheep?"

"Fuck you! You fucking bastard. I will find you, you can count on that."

"Ten minutes Detective Stabler."

The dial phone sounded in his ear and he fought to remember the words of the second riddle.

_Force...strength....street....friend..._

_What force and strength cannot get through, I with a gentle touch can do. And many in the street would stand, Were I not a friend at hand._

_God I wish Liv was here, she'd get this in a heartbeat.  
_

Elliot pulled open the glove compartment to get his badge and gun. He quickly put them in his pocket and went to close the compartment when something golden caught his eye.

_What force and strength cannot get through, I with a gentle touch can do. And many in the street would stand, Were I not a friend at hand._

_KEY!_

He leant forward and grabbed the key. It suddenly made sense to him, a place beginning with E that he had a key to. Merritt had Olivia at his own house, the house he used to share with his wife and kids. He quickly started the car, pulled out into the road and completed a u-turn, narrowly missing an oncoming car. The house had been empty for months as Kathy decided she could no longer live there and Elliot had no intention of living in a house with so many memories but part of him couldn't get rid of it.

As he pulled up outside the house he noted that the living room light was on and that the rest of the house was in darkness. Olivia's car was in the driveway and immediately his heart sank, Merritt really did have her and he was at least five minutes late.

He ran to the door and was surprised to find it unlocked, he made his way to the living room too frantic to be paying attention to anything around him. Unfortunately that was his downfall as he didn't see the figure behind the door or the long needle in his hand, in fact he only realised his mistake as he felt a small prick in the neck.

****

"Fin where the hell are Benson and Stabler?" Don Cragen shouted as he entered the squad room the next morning.

"No idea cap. I tried ringing Liv but her cell phone is off. Munch is trying Elliot's."

"He isn't answering." Munch called from across the room.

"Well you better pray that one of them answers soon or neither of them will have jobs to come back to. I've had it with their constant disregard for the rules."

Just then Elliot's computer let out a loud ping informing the room that he had received a new email message. Fin walked to the computer and opened the email.

"Omg. Munch, Cap you better come here quickly."

Don and Munch ran to the screen. A live video feed was attached to the email and now filled the whole computer screen. They could see Olivia tied to a chair in one corner of the room and Elliot tied to one on the opposite side, neither of them were moving. Fin slammed his fist against the keyboard and cussed out loud. Suddenly a voice came through the speakers.

"I'm glad that you could join us detectives. Olivia, Elliot and I are about to play a game and you get to watch. I have rigged the building with cameras and I have planted a bomb at a nursery school nearby. If any of you leave the building I will detonate the bomb, further more Olivia dies. So it is entirely up to you what you decide to do but you can't say I didn't warn you. Now why don't you sit back, relax and enjoy the show."

He paused and looked over to Olivia.

"Don't worry, they aren't dead. I injected them both with Flunitrazepam, a high enough dose to put them to sleep. It's perfectly harmless although I'm not sure of the effects on pregnant women."

Merritt smiled at the camera then stepped back to sit on the desk.

"That son of a bitch. Cap we can't just sit here, we need to go look for them."

"Fin, we have no choice, I will not risk Olivia's life and neither should you."

"This arsehole likes to play games, what is the likelihood that he got cameras in here?"

"Highly unlikely but are you willing to take that risk?"

"No." Fin answered as he looked back to the screen and to Olivia's limp body.

"I'll call CSU and get them to comb the building but the best thing we can do is to sit and wait and pray that he lets them go."

****

Elliot woke up and groaned slightly as he felt the skin on his wrist pinch, looking down he realised he was taped to a chair. His vision was a little blurry and he wished more than anything that he could rub his eyes to clear them. He finally regained some focus and spotted Olivia across the room. Her hands were tied to the arms of the chair just like his own and her feet strapped to the chair legs. Her shirt had been cut open with her chest clearly on show, Elliot shuddered then panic rushed through him as he noticed the blood. There was one more cut in her shirt, just over half way up her stomach and blood had heavily stained the edges of the material. He couldn't see from his position how badly hurt she was or how deep the cut went. He was too wrapped up in Olivia to notice the wires attached to him or Merritt glaring at him from across the room.

"LIV!!!!! OLIVIA."

"Ah Elliot finally you decided to join us. Let the games begin!"

"What did you do to her? You won't be walking out of here alive this time, you hear me?"

"I suggest you shut up before I do something else to her. Now as you've probably figured you are connected to a lie detector. I'm going to ask you a series of questions and you are going to answer me honestly. Every time you lie, I'll add another cut to that pretty partner of yours."

Elliot heard a muffled cry and looked up to see Olivia's dark brown eyes staring back at him. He noticed for the first time that she was gagged and he fought with his restraints trying to get to her.

"Liv it's going to be okay, I promise. Just hold on sweetheart."

"Now this all very cute but I don't have all day."

"Fine let's play your stupid game. The sooner we finish the sooner I get to kill you."

Merritt laughed.

"Oh and just so you know, I took the liberty of directing a live video feed to your precinct so that the rest of your team can watch. Don't get your hopes up though, they can't save you, if they leave the building heads will roll."

Merritt laughed once more and picked up a knife on his way over to Olivia, he pressed the knife against her stomach and looked back to Elliot.

"Okay question one. Is your name Elliot Stabler?"

"Yes." Elliot answered while praying that all the questions would be that easy.

"Do you work as a detective for the special victims unit?"

"Yes."

Elliot looked to Olivia and could see panic in her eyes, he tried to compose himself as he had to stay strong for her. He knew calling out to her was too risky, Merritt could easily become annoyed and cut her. If he could somehow tell her with his eyes that everything was going to be okay then maybe she would be able to believe him.

"Do you have five children?"

Elliot stole another quick glance at Olivia before glaring at Merritt.

"No."

"Oh the look on your colleagues' faces right now is priceless but not as priceless as its going to be after the next few questions."

"Please Merritt, I'll do anything you want just let Olivia go."

"Now where's the fun in that Elliot? Huh? You know I used to like Detective Benson until she went and got herself pregnant with that bastard child."

Merritt waited for Elliot's body to tense before he carried on.

"Isn't it true that having a baby out of wedlock is a sin?"

Elliot allowed the tears to fall as he stared directly into Olivia's eyes.

"Yes." He whispered.

"I'm sorry Elliot I didn't quite hear that. You're going to have to speak up."

"YES!"

"And isn't it also true that sins should be punished?"

Merritt grabbed Olivia's neck and yanked her head backwards. She tried to scream but the gag was too restricting so she closed her eyes and prayed that it would be over quickly.

"You get the hell off her. Leave her alone! You fucking bastard don't touch them."

"Why so riled Elliot? Anybody would think that the bastard child was yours."

Merritt smirked and Elliot rocked in his chair frantically trying to break free.

"I'll repeat the last question beings you failed to answer me and this time if you don't answer I'll cut her. Isn't it also true that sins should be punished?"

"Yes." Elliot choked out.

"So maybe I should rape her, would that be a good punishment? I'll even let you watch."

Merritt ripped Olivia's shirt open even more and pulled the two halves apart, the material only left covering her arms.

"Stop it, please." Elliot began to sob. "I'll do anything."

"Next question Elliot. Is Detective Benson carrying your child?"


	5. Paternity

**Here we go, chapter 5 - sorry for the last cliffhanger it just seemed a good place to stop. **

* * *

"_Next question Elliot. Is Detective Benson carrying your child?"_

Elliot didn't even hesitate, not for a single second.

"Yes, she is carrying my child."

Merritt smiled and looked towards a second monitor on the table next to Elliot. Elliot couldn't see the front of the monitor but figured it was the camera in the squad room and Merritt was looking for the guys' reaction.

"Oh dear it seems Detective Tutola isn't too happy with that piece of news, I wonder why that would be? You think hes fucking her too?"

Elliot looked to the floor not wanting to see the answer in Olivia's eyes. He trusts her completely but they aren't together and never have been, she could easily be seeing Fin without him knowing. She'd always been good at hiding things from him, he didn't even find out about the 'newspaper boy' until IAB outted them.

"Hit a nerve did we? Is it true that after missing the sonogram of your own child that you went straight to your ex-wives and slept with her?"

"No, I went straight to Olivia's apartment."

Merritt looked at the computer monitor and turned it for Olivia to see.

"It seems we have a problem doesn't it Olivia?"

"I swear it's the truth." Elliot screamed, once again trying to free himself.

"I guess I worded the question wrong. After you received a call that night you left Olivia alone at her apartment didn't you Elliot?"

"Yes"

"Was it your captain that phoned you that night?"

"No."

Elliot saw the pain and anger in Olivia's eyes and quickly turned away unable to look at her.

"Aww that almost makes me want to take the gag off so she can give you a piece of her mind. Was it your ex-wife on the phone that night?"

"Yes but she said Eli was sick, Liv please you have to believe me."

Merritt ran his hand up and down Olivia's cheek as she cried uncontrollably.

"What do you think Liv? Do we believe him? No? Let's try the next question. Did you have sex with your ex-wife that night Elliot?"

"Yes but..."

Merritt knowing that Elliot was going to say it was all a big mistake and that it should never of happened decided to cut him off. He knew the lie detector would back his answer and immediately he would lose Olivia. He had to put doubt in her mind to make his game work, she would thank him when it was all over, that he was sure of.

"A simple yes will do."

"Do you still blame Detective Benson for that little boy's death?"

Elliot's heart pounded in his chest, he knew Merritt was setting him up. If he could only answer yes Olivia would hate him but he had no way to tell her that it wasn't for the reason she was thinking. He blamed her because of the way he reacted, he knew if he wasn't in love with her he could have gone after the boy. Blame wasn't the right word to use exactly but he knew if he said no that the lie detector would pick up on the anxiety.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry sweetheart but I think you made the wrong choice when you chose a father for the little one. Maybe I can help you out and eliminate him from the picture. How does that sound?"

Olivia violently shook her head and Merritt sighed.

"No? After all those confessions you still want him around. There must be something wrong with your head Detective Benson. Okay, Detective Stabler are you in love with Detective Benson?"

Elliot swallowed hard and blinked a few times before answering.

"Yes, I think I always have been. I want to spend the rest of my life with her."

Although Olivia was still restricted by the gag, the gasp she made was very audible to Elliot's ears.

"Well that was very entertaining but all good things must come to an end. If I gave you a chance to do just that Elliot would you say yes?"

Olivia began twisting in her chair and trying to pull her arms away. She screamed at him but he couldn't understand a word. Terror was etched into her dark brown eyes.

"Elliot?"

"Yes."

"Fantastic. So my final questions for you Elliot are. How far would you go to save Olivia's life?"

"As far as it took." He answered confidently.

"Would you do anything to save her?"

"Anything and everything."

"Even if she wasn't carrying your child?"

"Absolutely."

"Detective Stabler, would you die for her?"

"Without a doubt."

Elliot was aware of Olivia's muffled cries and the constant rocking of her chair as she still struggled to break its hold on her. His thoughts fell to his children, the children he hadn't even considered as he admitted he would die for Olivia, guilt consumed him as he felt the pressure release on his right wrist.

"I'm going to release your wrist now and you aren't going to try anything stupid okay?"

"Okay." Elliot answered.

"I'm going to give you your gun and you will put that gun to your head and pull the trigger. Sound simple? Well the thing is I don't trust you Elliot and to stop you pulling any stunts I'll be holding a gun to Olivia's head. You try to shoot me and I'll squeeze that trigger before your bullet even hits me. Do we have an understanding?"

"How do I know you won't kill her afterwards?"

"That is the beauty of it, you don't."

Merritt smirked and picked up one of their guns from the table, immediately aiming it at Olivia's head. He passed the other one to Elliot and motioned for him to put it to his temple.

Elliot fought back the tears and lifted up the gun. He stole one last look at Olivia in the process.

"Liv I love you and I know you'll be a fantastic Mother and bring up our child in the best possible way. Don't ever forget me."

"You're my whole world, I only wish I had told you sooner."

Elliot gently began to squeeze the trigger as Olivia slammed her eyes tightly shut. There was so much she wanted to tell him, she wanted to say she loved him too and how sorry she was that she hadn't told him sooner. She wanted to tell him that she understood why he blamed her for the little boy's death because she felt the same way, she blamed him for going to her first.

****

Two shots rang out through the speakers and the monitor went black as the remaining detectives looked on in horror. Fin emptied the contents of his stomach into the waste paper bin beside Elliot's desk. No one spoke, all unable to find any words until a few minutes later when Merritt's face appeared back on the monitor.

"Hey detectives what a pleasure it is to be speaking to you all again. The good news is that once I cut the feed you are free to leave the building. Unfortunately I'm fed up of playing and can't be bothered to tell you where they are, so it is completely up to you to find them."

He paused for a moment before starting to speak once more.

"You see because Elliot is a cop he has a pretty good aim. I however have not really had much experience with guns so either unfortunately or fortunately which ever way you want to look at it, my aim is not so good. In other words Detective Benson is still breathing, if you hurry maybe you can save her."

"Oh and before I go, just in case you don't believe me I thought I better give you a glimpse of your precious detectives. You should be proud of them, they are not sheep unlike you three."

The monitor went black one more time before the room came back into focus. Their eyes fell in unison to the devastation before them. Elliot was posed on the floor, lying on his front with the left side of his face on show. The gun shot wound was hidden from the camera but his body was motionless, his eyes closed and his face covered in blood, blood also pooled around his body.

Olivia was laid out on her back, an obvious gunshot wound to her head. Blood pooled around her and spatter was evident across the wall behind her. The camera moved in slightly to allow the gentle rise and fall of Olivia's chest to be seen before the screen once again went black.

"Call SWAT tell them we need their services immediately. It looks like they are in some kind of house, see if anyone managed to trace where the feed was coming from. I spoke to the tech guys when I called for CSU." Cragen stated but his normally calm demeanour was long gone, panic was very evident in his voice.

"We're still looking for the camera." A guy from CSU stated. "No sign of it yet."

"There was a photo. I saw a photo by the desk of a family. I couldn't see it enough to identify anyone but it could have been Elliot. Maybe he has them at Elliot's." Fin commented as he rose from the desk and headed towards the door.

"Fin where are you going?"

"To find Olivia, I won't let her die. I'm checking Elliot's apartment, it's a long shot but it's all we got."

"Maybe they are at Olivia's, Munch you go and check it out."

"No, they're not at Olivia's." Fin stated causing Munch to raise an eyebrow.

"I'll get a team out looking for both their cars. It's probably how they got there."

Fin left for Elliot's apartment while Munch headed to talk to the computer tech. He busted the door and searched the entire place from top to bottom but there was no one there. The rooms were all too clean for them to have ever been there, Merritt simply wouldn't of had the time to clean up unless the feed hadn't of been live.

Munch had even less luck on the video feed, the bastard had sent it through several different locations and used fake IPs along with a series of codes, all of which made the location impossible to pin point.

Fin was heading back to the precinct when a call came across the radio.

"Detective Stabler's vehicle spotted outside a residence in queens, Detective Benson's also on Driveway. Called in by a local patrol, have asked them to stand by until we get there. They're at Elliot's old house. Fin meet me and Munch there, we're on our way. Don't do anything stupid."

Fin threw the radio onto the floor and put his foot down, he didn't care if he was speeding he had good reason to. He hit the sirens and screeched past a queue of cars as he headed in the direction of Queens. He didn't care if Cragen had told him to wait, if he got there first he was going in, with or without backup.


	6. Harm

**Okay so this one was a tough one for me. I've had the basics down for a while but struggled to get it right. I hope you enjoy this chapter more than I enjoyed writing it lol! **

* * *

Olivia tried to move but her body disobeyed her, she ached all over. In the first few moments of consciousness she didn't know where she was, she couldn't remember a damn thing but slowly as she began to become more aware of her surroundings it started coming back to her in small pieces. The pieces didn't quite fit together properly and her inability to remember made her very panicky.

"El....Elliot?"

After receiving no response she cried for him once more. Panic etched into her voice as she realised for the first time that he may no longer be alive.

"Elliot?" She called a little bit louder this time.

Elliot opened his eyes at the sound of her voice and quickly moved his head to see her lying on the floor across the room. He tried to move but he felt a little too light headed. Moving to his knees made his head spin but he wasn't going to let that stop him, he was going to get to Liv and nothing was going to get in his way.

"I'm coming Liv, just don't move."

"El, where are you? I can't see you!" Her vision was a little blurry but she wasn't sure if it was because of her head wound or the effect of the drugs.

He scrambled across the room on his hands and knees to be at her side, his heart slipping into overdrive at the sight of the blood surrounding her.

"Oh God, Liv you have to hold on for me."

She looked up at him with her teary eyes and he was certain his heart skipped a beat. He reached out pushing his hand through the blood on the floor desperately looking around for something to stem the bleeding. On finding nothing suitable within reaching distance he pulled his shirt from his body and balled it up in his fist before pressing it lightly to Olivia's head.

"El..."

"It's alright Sweetheart, everything is going to be just fine." His voice was shaky as he fought with his emotions.

"It's just a graze, he hit me with the gun before he left. I'm not hurt...it's not real blood. Well most of it isn't. He played us again."

Elliot sighed with relief. Tears streamed down his cheeks.

"Thank God!"

He pulled the shirt away from her head a little and concluded that it was in fact real blood so quickly applied pressure once again.

"I thought I'd lost you." Olivia cried as he pulled her into his arms.

"You'll never lose me, I promise."

He could feel her body shaking beneath his arms so he kissed the top of her head in an effort to calm her.

"El, I'm freezing."

Elliot looked around and spotted his hoody thrown in the corner.

"Honey hold this to your head while I go get my hoody okay?"

He helped her move her hand up into position and moved across the room as quickly as his dazed state would allow him. He looked around to make sure that Merritt was truly gone before scooping up the hoody and collecting his gun from the table.

On arriving back on the other side of the room he helped Olivia get the hoody on and even pulled the hood up over her head to keep her warm. She smiled up at him with tears glistening in her broken brown orbs as he pulled her onto his lap and cradled her like a child. Her head eventually fell under his chin as he rocked her gently back and fourth.

"Liv about that night with Kathy, I.....Look I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, we're not together. Come on El it's not like you cheated on me." She tried to sound strong but her involuntary sobs were giving her away.

"But I saw that look in your eyes, finding out almost killed you."

He sighed loudly. He felt like a class A idiot, Liv pushed him away and like a fool he ran to his ex-wife for a little comfort. He hadn't wanted to be there, not really. In fact he had spent the whole time with his eyes slammed shut just imagining that it was Liv moving beneath him. It worked for a little while but in all honesty Kathy just wasn't Olivia and she never would be. She would never even come close.

"Because...God El are you that damn blind?! I was hurt because if I hadn't of pushed you away, If I hadn't of let you go then that could of been me. It could have been me you made love to that night."

"We didn't make love, it was just sex Liv. There's a difference."

"Don't you think I know that?! I haven't made love since the day I fell for you."

Elliot felt uncomfortable knowing that she had waited for him all those years and he knew he'd caused her so much pain. If only he had left Kathy all those years ago when he had fallen out of love with her and fallen in love with Olivia.

For him the two events actually didn't come in that order. He'd tried to convince himself that he hadn't really fallen for Olivia until after he left Kathy but it just wasn't true. He had fallen for her the day he met her and the feelings had only intensified with every passing day.

"You were going to die for me? I.....I was praying you wouldn't pull that trigger." Olivia interrupted their silence.

"You wanted me to let you die?"

"No but I didn't want you to die El. If I lost you I might as well have been dead too. I know I don't have you but even having you at a distance is what keeps me going. I don't want our baby to grow up not knowing you."

"I don't regret my choice Liv, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat."

Olivia looked up at him with tears in her eyes, she was pale and weak and wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in his arms.

"What about the kids El? You chose me over them...I..."

"Liv don't. I know what I did and it kills me but I can't help it. I love you more than anything in this world and I wasn't scared to leave them behind because I knew you would be there for them and they'd always have Kathy."

"I don't think they would want me to be there for them."

"Don't be stupid Liv, they all love you!"

Olivia shook her head and quickly buried it back under Elliot's chin.

"Liv?"

"Mmhmm?"

"Do you want me? I mean do you want to be with me?"

"You're all I've ever wanted El."

She took a deep breath and continued without looking up at him.

"But it's not that simple. We can't just think about us, there's so much at stake here. "

"There doesn't have to be. Liv I want to give us a go, I want us to be a family. You are all I've ever wanted and I'm fed up of pretending otherwise. I'm a fool Liv. A God damn fool, if I'd of told you earlier then none of this would have happened."

His hands gently stroked her stomach and he kissed her forehead.

"You're my whole world, I'd do anything for you."

"I know that. El it isn't your fault. You saved me, it's just a shame that it took that psycho to make us realise what's been there all along."

Elliot laughed quietly and held Olivia tighter than he'd ever held her before. In that moment they became one, it was suddenly like the rest of the world didn't exist and they both realised that as long as they had each other, anything was possible.

"I'd die for you too." Olivia whispered causing Elliot to nod his head and close his eyes.

They didn't move when they heard the rush of sirens heading down the street.

They didn't move at the sound of cars screeching to a halt outside.

They didn't move as the door burst open and Fin ran in.

They didn't move as the swat team followed in quick concession.

They didn't even move as Fin, Munch and Cragen appeared beside them.

"Baby girl are you okay? We need to get you all to the hospital." Fin shouted with panic.

"Fin we're fine, he played us. He played us all. Again." Elliot answered.

"Damn it. That's what he meant by 'they aren't sheep unlike you three" we stupidly believed him. There was never no bomb and that's why CSU found no camera in the precinct."

"Well I for one am thankful that he played us because the alternative is unbearable." Cragen stated.

"God damn! Where is he? Where is that son of a bitch?"

"He is long gone, I figure he drugged us and ran. If I ever see his sorry ass again it'll be the last breath he takes." Elliot stated through gritted teeth.

Olivia whimpered beneath Elliot's strong arms and he instinctively tightened his grip a little.

"Liv, you okay? Fin questioned once more.

"She's fine Fin!"

"Listen Elliot just because you put that baby inside her don't mean you get to answer for her."

Sensing that Elliot was going to cause a scene Olivia pulled away from him a little and allowed Fin to help her up. She wrapped her arms around his waist and he quickly embraced her.

"I'm fine. A little shaken but apart from that I'm okay."

Elliot opened his mouth to scream at Fin. Of course Olivia wasn't okay, they had just been through shear hell. Fin had no right to storm in there and question her. Absolutely no right at all. He didn't understand why but recently he couldn't help being jealous of the older man.

"Well I want you to go to the hospital to get checked out." Fin stated before Elliot could utter a word.

All four men waited for her to protest, to say she was fine once again and didn't need medical assistance. All four men were shocked when she didn't.

"I'll drive you." Elliot stated.

"There are ambulances waiting outside Elliot." Cragen informed him.

"I want to go in the car." Olivia said. "Fin will you drive us?"

"Of course."

"I'm quite capable of driving you Olivia." Elliot was pissed and she could sense that in his voice. Not wanting to play his pathetic games she turned further into Fin's embrace.

"Fine you drive and Fin can hold me."

Elliot opened his mouth in disbelief and stormed outside to the car. He kicked the side and deep down knew he deserved it, he was being a jerk and for some reason unbeknown to him he just couldn't control himself.

Fin walked Olivia to the car as Cragen and Munch stayed behind with the swat team to search for Merritt. Fin took the hint to drive as Elliot pulled Olivia from his side and helped her into the car. He dropped them at the hospital and watched as they walked hand in hand through the doors as if the last twenty minutes had never even happened. That was the strange thing about them, one minute they would be killing each other and the next be crying in each other's arms. Fin sighed, he loved Olivia like a sister and although he was pleased that she was finally happy he'd never let his guard down. If Elliot so much as hurt a hair on her head he would break every bone in his body.


	7. Families

**This chapter and the next chapter are kind of 'filler' chapters with a bit of E/O fluff. Chapter 9 will deal with their statements about their time spent with Merritt. **

**I may not update for a week or so as I have some friends coming to stay so probably won't be on here. **

* * *

Olivia was sat on the dingy hospital bed watching Elliot pace up and down when Claire came running into the room.

"Olivia I just heard what happened. I'm so sorry, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, we're all fine."

"You don't look fine." She motioned to the cut on Olivia's head.

"I'm okay, they patched me up good in the ER. Good as new now." She forced a smile because in all honesty she was far from 'as good as new'.

"What about you Elliot?"

"I'm fine, most of this isn't even real blood." He stopped to pull at his bloodied shirt.

"We just wanted to be certain that the baby is okay."

Claire looked towards Olivia and Olivia quickly shook her head behind Elliot's back.

"If you just want to sit back for me Olivia."

Olivia sat back on the bed and unzipped Elliot's hoody.

"That looks a nasty cut. They didn't take a look at it in the ER?"

"It's okay. Just a fake cut, we haven't had a chance to shower yet." Elliot informed her.

Claire gently ran her fingers along the 'cut' and watched Olivia flinch. Olivia felt like she had never needed a distraction more in her life.

"El would you go to the vending machine and grab me some chocolate or something? I'm starving."

"I'll get you something decent to eat on the way home."

"But El....." She pulled her irresistible face, the face that got him every time.

"Okay, okay."

Claire waited until Elliot had disappeared from the room before turning on the scanner to warm up.

"Firstly you may have been able to fool him but you're not fooling me. That is a real cut and secondly....Never mind we'll get to that in a second. That bastard cut you!"

"It was an accident. He just had the knife there to stop me from running but I jerked against him to try and get free. It's nothing."

"Olivia you've been bleeding, it can't be nothing."

Claire took an antiseptic wipe and gently cleaned the cut on Olivia's stomach.

"I didn't want to worry him. He'd go crazy if he knew."

"If it worries you that he will be worried then it just proves that it isn't 'nothing'."

Olivia sighed.

"You haven't told him." It was more of a statement than a question.

"I got so worked up when the hospital called me and said they wanted me to come back in for another sonogram because they thought they'd seen something on the last one. You don't know how difficult it was, all I kept thinking was there's something wrong with my baby and it's my fault. We weren't on speaking terms then, I hadn't forgiven him for missing the first one. I just couldn't tell him and we've hardly spoken to each other since. It's not something I could suddenly blurt out to him."

"You don't think he has the right to know?"

"Of course he has the right to know, I just haven't found the right time."

Claire sighed and wheeled the scanner closer to the bed.

"What are you so scared of Olivia? Are you scared he is going to run?"

"No..Yes...Maybe. I don't know, I just don't know. Can't you say the scanner is broken or something, that we need to come back tomorrow?"

"Olivia he is a cop, he isn't going to believe that every scanner in the hospital is broken, he'll see it coming a mile off."

Olivia opened her mouth to answer but stopped as Elliot walked into the room with a handful of chocolate.

"I didn't know what to get so I got Snickers, Mars, Twix and some M & Ms."

Claire laughed.

"A piece of advice Elliot, don't let her eat them all at once."

"Only one's for her, the rest are mine."

Elliot chuckled and sat beside the bed. He reached for Olivia's hand as Claire applied the gel and moved the detector across Olivia's stomach. He felt Olivia tense as the image came onto the screen.

"Liv relax, everything is going to be fine...."

His eyes suddenly noticed the image on the screen.

"Oh man. No way!"

Olivia turned to look at him, he had a massive grin plastered across his face and his eyes filled with tears. All her doubts suddenly floated away and she allowed herself to smile too.

"This...this, this is amazing. You see what we did Liv? Damn we're good!"

Olivia laughed through her tears and Claire gave her the 'I told you so' look.

"Are they girls?" Elliot beamed.

"Olivia do you want to find out the sex?" Claire questioned.

Olivia watched Elliot as his eyes danced around the screen, his eyes becoming even more waterlogged with every passing second.

"Sure."

"Well this one here."

Claire pointed to the top of the screen.

"Is a little girl."

"Yes! I knew it! I told you it was a girl."

Olivia laughed and squeezed his hand. Elliot squeezed back and moved to sit on the bed allowing his head to rest on Olivia's shoulder.

"Well maybe we can both be right."

Claire moved her hand to the bottom of the screen.

"And this one is a little boy."

"And they are okay, right?"

"They are fine and Olivia seems to be doing just great too."

Olivia gently kissed his forehead and suddenly the memories from earlier in the day disappeared leaving only one image floating around her mind. Her babies, hers and Elliot's babies. For the first time Olivia Benson felt complete.

*****

"El will you please just stop pacing and go see your kids."

"I'm not leaving you on your own."

Olivia rubbed her stomach before eating another spoonful of ice cream.

"I'm fine, I've got Ben and Jerry for company."

"Wow that makes me so much happier!"

"Don't worry sweetie, I don't love them as much as I love you."

"Why do you have to make a joke out of everything?"

Olivia paused with spoonful of ice cream hovering mid-air, it was dangerously close to melting all over the sofa as she raised her eyebrows at the man standing in front of her.

"Well I'm sorry for trying to lighten the mood Elliot. We can either let this eat us up from the inside out or we can fight it."

Elliot sighed.

"And I'll tell you now Elliot if you are not even going to try and fight this then you can leave now because I have no option other than to fight. I've got children to think about."

Elliot flinched at her use of his full name.

"They're my children too or have you forgotten that?"

He raised his voice a little but Olivia wasn't bothered, she'd got used to his temper a long time ago. She sighed and drove the spoon back into the tub.

"No but I wonder if you have."

"I haven't forgotten."

He sighed defeated and reached out to stroke her cheek.

"I'm sorry, I just...What am I going to say to them?"

"Try the truth."

"It's easy for you to say, you don't have to tell them."

Elliot instantly realised his mistake, he saw Olivia's face change and tears quickly start to fall. She slammed the ice cream tub onto the table and stormed into the bedroom slamming the door for effect. He quickly followed.

"Liv, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"Go to hell Elliot."

"Liv please don't overreact."

He suddenly remembered that that was one of the worst things you could say to a pregnant woman and quickly swallowed, hard.

"You know what? I hope they hate you as much as they hate me."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing just go El."

"Fine I'm taking your car. You will be here when I get back, right?"

"Right."

"You promise?"

"Where the hell am I supposed to go without the damn car Elliot?"

"Okay, I'll see you after."

"Sure, can't wait!"

Olivia turned away from him and pulled the covers over her head causing Elliot to sigh loudly. He decided to admit defeat and leave to speak to his children. He'd noticed the suitcase in the back of Olivia's car outside his house. He knew she would be long gone if Merritt hadn't of snatched her, he was silently thankful to Merritt for that. In fact he was silently thankful to Merritt for making him realise what he had to lose.

*****

Elliot stared across the table at four pairs of expectant eyes. He'd told Kathy to take Eli to bed as he was way too young to understand what was happening. Elliot sighed and cursed Liv under his breath for making him do this tonight.

"Dad what's going on?" Maureen asked.

"You may hate me after I tell you this but please let me finish before you make your judgement. Olivia and I worked a case a while back where some frozen embryos were stolen and I found out that Olivia was dying to be a Mom. She told me that the adoption agency turned her down and she felt like her time was running out so eventually after lots of heated discussions she finally accepted my offer. I offered to father her child."

Elliot looked to his children, none of them said a word and he was shocked to see that they didn't look the slightest bit surprised.

"We didn't sleep together, I uh...I donated and well she you know."

Dickie laughed and glanced at Lizzie who was now fighting back the tears.

"I was so damn nervous, so damn confused about it myself that I just couldn't explain it to you all at the time. I got so wrapped up in what I was and wasn't feeling that I missed her first sonogram after promising to be there, I thought she was going to kill me."

He paused as Lizzie's sobs became louder.

"But the thing is I did this for her because she's my best friend, the one person in the world that knows me completely at least that's what I made myself believe. Then yesterday evening a guy from a past case he took Olivia, he held her captive and when I went to save her he put me in a position where I had to be completely honest in order to save their lives. In those moments I finally found the words I've been struggling to say for so long. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel. Now I finally feel free, like a weight has been lifted."

He paused briefly.

"I know we should have told you about the pregnancy from the start but we weren't planning to be successful straight away, things just happened so quickly."

Lizzie pushed away from the table and stood up.

"Liz where are you going?"

"I have to go somewhere Dad, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Lizzie ran from the room and Elliot quickly stood up.

"Dad leave her, she just feels guilty." Dickie informed him.

"Guilty?"

"I told her to go and apologise but she wouldn't, she said it's what she deserved. I told her Mom was lying but she wouldn't listen."

"Woah Dickie back up a minute. Apologise to whom?"

"Olivia didn't tell you?"

"Son I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Mom told us about the baby. She told us that you and Liv had been having an affair for years, that it was her fault that you were never home. Lizzie went to see Olivia on Monday, she called her a whore and said she hoped that she died giving birth. Dad she didn't mean it, she didn't know it wasn't the truth."

"Oh God that's why she was leaving. That's why she had the damn suitcase."

"Liv was going to leave?" Maureen questioned.

"She was going to leave to protect us, she didn't want to hurt us." Kathleen answered before Elliot could speak.

"I told you she cared about us, that she would do anything for us." Dickie snarled at Kathleen.

"You encouraged Lizzie to do it." He jabbed his finger at his sister.

"Kids that is enough, it doesn't matter whose fault it is. All that matters is that Olivia didn't go anywhere."

"Dad you and Liv are going to be together now right?"

Elliot sighed and wiped a tear from his eye.

"I don't know Honey. How would you guys feel if we were?"

"I want you guys to be together, Liv is cool." Dickie stated.

"You two are in love Dad, this was supposed to be." Maureen quickly followed.

"Kathleen?"

"Olivia is right for you Dad, she's a good person and despite the shit I've put everyone through the last few years she still cares and that takes a lot."

Elliot smiled and pulled all three of the kids into a hug.

"I love you guys, you know that right?"

"Yes Dad." They replied in unison.

"So are we getting a brother or a sister? Because I'd really like another brother" Dickie asked hopefully.

"Actually you're getting both, Liv's having twins."

****

Lizzie stopped outside the door and pulled out the key she'd been given months earlier just in case she needed somewhere quiet to think. She opened the door quietly and walked slowly into the living room. Olivia was curled up on the sofa asleep so Lizzie went to the bedroom, got a blanket and lent down to place it over her.

"Hey Sweetie." Olivia said tiredly.

"After everything I said to you you're still going to talk to me?"

"I deserved all those things you said to me. I broke your trust."

"I didn't even give you chance to explain, to tell me it wasn't true."

"I didn't want to upset you any more than you already were so I let you believe. I could have tried harder to tell you but I figured it was better if you hated me rather than your Mom."

"But she lied, those things she said."

"Honey she said those things because she was angry, angry that your Dad was moving on. She wanted to protect her family."

"Would you have done the same thing? Would you lie to your children?"

"I'd love to say no but if I was in that situation maybe I would feel differently."

Lizzie sighed.

"I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?"

"Already forgiven Sweetheart but can you forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive you for."

Olivia smiled and felt the guilt ease a little.

"Liv I'm glad that you're having my Dad's baby."

"Uh yeah about that.....I'm having twins."

"Omg! A boy and a girl?"

Olivia laughed once more and nodded.

"That's amazing. Wow so now there are going to be seven of us. Poor you inheriting us misfits into your life."

"Lizzie you are not a misfit. You are one amazing girl, your parents are lucky to have you."

Lizzie immediately started crying and Olivia quickly held her arms out motioning for her to come lay with her. Lizzie climbed onto the sofa and lay down resting her head on Olivia's shoulder as Olivia's arms wrapped round her. Olivia stroked her back gently as she spoke.

"It's okay to cry Honey, you let it all out."

Olivia kissed Lizzie's forehead as her sobs began to subside. Lizzie moved her hand onto Olivia's stomach and smiled to herself before eventually falling asleep.

When Elliot returned to the apartment an hour later he was in a bad mood. He'd been driving through the streets searching for Lizzie but she was nowhere to be seen. He put the suitcase down by the door, kicked off his shoes and walked into the living room. He sighed a huge sigh of relief as he noticed Olivia and Lizzie snuggled up on the sofa.

"Hey baby." Olivia said quietly.

"Hey you." He smiled and bent down beside her to place a soft kiss on her cheek.

"I've been looking everywhere for her for the past hour."

"El don't be mad at her, she doesn't hate you."

"Dickie told me what she said to you. Liv why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I wanted your kids to be happy El and if that meant giving you up then I'd do it without a second thought. I'm sorry El but I just couldn't see them suffer because of me."

"No one is suffering. They are so excited about the babies, well Dickie, Maureen and Kathleen are. I'm going to take Eli to the park tomorrow and tell him.

"El I'm sorry about earlier. I was a total bitch to you."

"It's okay, it's just the hormones. Let's wake her up so I can get her home."

"Leave her. You could carry her into the spare room. She might as well stay the night."

"But where am I going to sleep?"

Olivia smiled and rolled her eyes.

"With me you idiot."


	8. Bound

**Sorry for the delay, this is another filler chapter as such. The next chapter is probably going to be a long one. I'm off to work on it now so hopefully won't be too long. Enjoy!**

* * *

When Elliot entered the room Olivia was already in bed with the covers pulled up to her neck. He smiled at her gently and stripped down to his boxers before slipping into bed beside her.

"Lizzie stay asleep?" She asked as she reached for his hand under the covers.

"Yeah I think she was pretty exhausted."

"It's been a difficult few weeks for her."

"I know Liv but that doesn't excuse the things she said to you, she could have at least heard you out."

Olivia sighed, she absolutely did not want to be having this conversation. Her body was weak but her heart even weaker and she knew it wouldn't take much more for it to shatter. She wasn't sure if she could function with a shattered heart. Elliot's kids were his world and as difficult as it was going to be they were now her world too whether Kathy liked it or not. Olivia decided a change of subject was needed, it would be better that way. Talking about things only made Elliot angry and hell was she tired of fighting.

"I was thinking about names while you were out earlier." She said softly, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"Yeah? He raised his eyebrows.

"You think of any you like?"

In all honestly she only had two names she liked, one was a little strange and the other damn right inappropriate. She had spent hours running names across her tongue and through her preoccupied mind. Nothing, absolutely nothing reached out to her.

"A few. It's such a big decision. I mean the name we choose will be theirs forever. How did you come up with the kids names?"

"I didn't, Kathy did. I made a list of names, I came to show you but you..."

Elliot stopped and swallowed hard, he didn't want to ruin whatever this was between them by bringing up Merritt all over again so he lent over the edge of the bed and pulled the list from his jean pocket. Olivia switched on the bedside light and began to read.

"_Jade - _Beautiful, sophisticated and elegant, just like her mother huh? That's sweet El."

"And a hundred percent true."

His smile reached her through the dim light and she smiled back at him. Letting go of his hand she moved closer to him, she rested her head on his broad shoulder and draped a leg over his while turning slightly so that her stomach rested against his.

"El is...is this okay? I mean it's not too forward?"

Elliot didn't answer but allowed his left had to drape round her and dance its way down her spine finally resting on her ass. His other hand moved under her top to draw lazy circles around her belly button.

"Does that answer your question?" He smirked.

"Perfectly."

Olivia looked back down at the scrap of paper in her hand and burst into a fit of laughter causing Elliot to look at her with confusion in his eyes.

"What's so funny Detective?"

"_Sacha _– more like something you would call a puppy? Maybe we should get a puppy."

"Twins and a puppy? Honey I'm not superman."

Olivia laughed even more.

"What if I said I liked the name? What if I said I wanted to call our daughter Sacha?"

"Well firstly I would know you were winding me up but on the off chance you weren't I'd say absolutely we'll call our daughter Sacha."

"Even though you think it's more suited as a dog's name?"

"Even though. Have you forgotten that I'd do anything for you?"

"No." She whispered before reading once again.

"_Sage_ – Too herby...I agree. _Mary_ – Too old fashioned....once again agreed."

"_Aaliyah – _I don't think it quite suits us."

"I saved the best names till last."

Olivia read the two next names and couldn't stop the tears from escaping her eyes. Elliot sensed the change in her breathing and the tenseness of her body and began to worry.

"Liv? Baby what's wrong? Are you in pain? Should I ring the hospital?"

"El...I'm fine." She breathed out.

"You're fine? Then why the tears?"

"I miss her El, I miss her so damn much. She doesn't even know. What if one day she comes back and the twins are grown how is she going to feel?! She is going to hate me."

"Liv she could never hate you. You saved her life, you stemmed that bleeding, you held her until the ambulance got there. She knows she can't have contact with you because if you knew where she was you'd be there without a second thought. I miss her too babe."

"You would be okay with calling her Alexandra?"

"Absolutely, in fact that's one of my favourites."

"El?"

"Yeah?"

"There are no boys' names here. Why were you so sure that we'd have a girl? I mean before you knew it was twins didn't you want another boy? It would have been equal then."

"I want one just like you and my best chance of that is having a little girl. I want her to have your dark eyes, your beautiful smile and your hair. I want her to be every bit like you. Anyway it doesn't matter now I'm lucky enough to be getting both. Why were you so sure that we'd have a boy?"

"Because I want one just like you and my best chance of that is having a little boy. I want him to have your intense eyes, your cheeky smile and your hair. I want him to be every bit like you."

Elliot smiled.

"Any ideas on names for our son?"

"Actually I chose a name out for him weeks ago but you're going to think it's weird."

"Try me, I might surprise you."

"I wanted to call him Benson."

"No offence honey but I don't think Benson Benson works too well."

Olivia froze and looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"Yeah I've been meaning to tell you. I want them to have your surname. I've already got Dickie and Eli to carry on my name and well there's no one to carry on yours. I thought it would be nice."

Olivia reached up and cupped his cheek.

"God I love you Elliot Stabler."

"Not as much as I love you Olivia Benson."

They both remained silent for several minutes just enjoying each others embrace.

"You know we could always call him Stabler."

Olivia laughed and gave Elliot a gentle slap.

"No offence honey but I don't think Stabler Benson works too well, after all it's always been Benson and Stabler for a reason."

Elliot laughed before trying to change his expression to a serious one.

"Are you saying you're better than me Miss Benson?"

"Would I say such a thing?" Olivia tried to look shocked but it was about as lame as Elliot's 'serious' look.

"I wouldn't put it past you."

"Oh really? You wanna end up on the floor tonight?"

"Only if you're gonna be on top of me." Elliot smirked.

Olivia responded by moving out of his embrace. Elliot was sure he'd just put his foot in it once again, he was too busy cussing under his breath to notice the look in Olivia's eyes. He almost even missed her straddling him.

"You mean something like this?"

Elliot looked up at her and suddenly found himself very aroused.

"Just like this."

He reached up and pulled her head down towards him locking his lips with hers as soon as they met. He had always dreamt of kissing Olivia but none of his dreams lived up to this. Her lips were incredibly soft and as her tongue danced with his he was sure everything about her was even more perfect than all of his dreams put together. As their kisses became deeper and more intense his hands round her perfectly round ass and pulled her down against him, he closed his eyes and waited for her to moan or to move against him but she didn't. Instead she broke the kiss and pulled away from him lying back down on the bed.

"Liv I'm sorry, that was too fast. I'm sorry."

"It's not that El it's just that it's been a long day and I don't think either of us would enjoy it. I want our first time to be special."

"Me too."

Elliot lent over and gave her another kiss before pulling the covers up around them. They lay in silence for several minutes until Olivia's soft voice filled the room.

"Elliot you know we are always going to be bound to each other by them. I don't want us to be together because of that."

"How does being bound by love sound?"

"Perfect. Absolutely perfect."

****

Olivia woke up to find the other side of the bed empty, she sighed loudly to herself and tried to fight back the tears that were pricking at the back of her eyes. She cursed herself suddenly wishing that she hadn't stopped him, maybe then he would still be there. Elliot wasn't like that, there was no way he was with her for the sex. Olivia laughed at the thought, she was hardly in a position to give him the best sex of his life. She decided that the pregnancy hormones were messing with her brain, making her insecure and damn right illogical. Slowly she got up and made her way into the kitchen to find Lizzie making a mess.

"Morning Liv." She said all a little too brightly for Liv's liking, after all she was still as tired as hell.

"Morning Sweetie. What you up to?"

"Making you some breakfast, you're eating for three now. You've got to look after yourself and apparently they best way to do that is to have a good breakfast."

"Where's the catch?" Olivia questioned.

"No catch. You can do nice things for the people you love right?"

Olivia smiled.

"Where's your Dad?"

"He went to get Eli. He's bringing him back to explain, he thought it might be easier to do it here than at the park. Don't worry Liv he hasn't run out on you."

"I wasn't worried."

Lizzie sighed and Olivia laughed.

"Okay so I was."

"And to think that I'M the TEENAGER!"

Olivia started to walk over to the counter to see what Lizzie was making when she stopped abruptly in the middle of the kitchen floor, her hand falling to her stomach.

"Liv you okay?"

"Come here."

Olivia took Lizzie's hand and placed it on her stomach before covering it with her own.

"Oh wow did they just kick?"

"I think so. That's the first time I've felt them."

They both smiled at each other before Olivia sat down and Lizzie brought her over her breakfast. Lizzie joined her at the table and they fell into a casual conversation about school, work and life in general. Olivia had just finished a slice of toast when they heard the front door open and close again. Moments later Elliot arrived in the doorway with Eli in his arms. On noticing Olivia Eli began to struggle in his father's arms.

"Liv Liv!!" He called reaching his little arms out as far as possible in order to reach her.

"Good morning gorgeous."

Elliot put Eli down and he quickly manoeuvred the busy kitchen to attach himself to one of Olivia's legs, she responded by picking him up and resting him on her thigh. He looked at her stomach questionably for several minutes before looking up at her with sparkling blue eyes.

"Baby!" He exclaimed and beamed up at her.

"That's right buddy. Aren't you a clever boy?"

Eli continued to beam up at her extremely pleased with himself. Elliot cleared his throat and looked to his son.

"Eli, Olivia has two babies in her tummy and they are going to be your little brother and sister."

"My babies!" He almost screamed.

Olivia laughed and ruffled his hair. Eli smiled at his Dad and waited before his Dad smiled back before quickly leaning over and swiping a piece of toast off Olivia's plate.

"Eli!" Elliot scolded before seeing his son look up at him and trying to smile with a mouthful of toast.

"Eli Stabler that is disgusting."

"Like Father, like son." Lizzie smirked before sticking her tongue out at her Father.

Olivia laughed and grabbed a tissue from the table to wipe Eli's mouth and fingers with.

"Oh great it must be everybody pick on Elliot day once again."

"Aww don't be a baby, El."

"Baby!" Eli planted a sloppy kiss on Olivia's stomach before hopping down and running off to find some cars he knew he'd left around somewhere.

"Well that went well." Elliot smiled at Olivia.

"It did."

"Oh Dad guess what you missed when you were out?"

"Um I dunno Christmas?" Elliot rolled his eyes.

"It was much better than Christmas. The babies kicked and Olivia let me feel. It was so awesome!"

Elliot pouted and bent down to talk to Olivia's stomach. He taped her stomach gently.

"Hey you, you're not supposed to kick when Daddy isn't here to feel."

Olivia ran her hand through his hair.

"There's always next time El."

He looked up at her and smiled.

"Oh don't worry the first time our next child kicks I'm gonna be right there."

"Next child? El? That's not what I meant."

Elliot laughed and quickly headed off towards the bedroom. Olivia got up and followed him as quickly as she could.

"Elliot Stabler you get your ass back here now!"


	9. Protection

**Sorry there isn't much E/O in this chapter but the next chapter....if I can get it right will be making up for that entirely! Enjoy.**

* * *

Elliot was pacing the small interrogation room, he didn't want to be there. As far as he was concerned there was nothing more to say, the whole thing had been recorded from the live feed onto his computer by the tech guys. The only moments that were missing were the ones he had no memory of.

He was more than aware that the only reason they were questioning him was to keep him away from Olivia, to let her speak freely without worrying about him. He wanted to be with her, he wanted her to let it all out while he held her tightly in his arms and whispered words of encouragement and support.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before looking towards Munch who was holding out a cup of coffee to him.

"Did you make this?"

"Sorry, I wasn't going to buy a coffee from one of those chains. Soon they'll be taking over the world."

Elliot smiled and was grateful for the sudden lightening of the darkened mood engulfing them.

"Can we just get this over with?"

"Sure. Are you going to sit?"

"I'm fine standing."

"Elliot I don't want to be here anymore than you do but we need to do this to help catch Merritt. We need to do this for Olivia."

Elliot sighed and sat down.

"Okay you've got my attention but let's make this quick I need to get back to Liv."

Munch nodded his head slightly and took a sip of coffee.

"Is there anything that you can remember that would be relevant? Did he ever mention where he's been since you last saw him?"

"No. He didn't speak to me apart from what you saw on the live feed. I don't remember being completely untied or getting on the floor. We just spoke on the phone then the bastard injected me with something as I came through the door. I was too preoccupied with thoughts of Olivia that I let my guard down, I just didn't see him coming!"

"You know I think that's where I've been going wrong all these years. Maybe I'd have less ex wives if I'd actually been in so deep that nothing else mattered."

Elliot laughed and relaxed a little.

"You have to find the one for that to happen Munch. Either that or have kids."

"Oh well maybe there is hope for me yet! I'm pretty sure though that I didn't the world a favour by not creating any mini-munches!"

"Now I won't argue with that!"

Elliot stood up and walked towards the back wall.

"I asked him on the phone why he was doing this."

Elliot stopped speaking and Munch was unsure whether he was supposed to say something. The silence was almost deafening as he watched the man across the room rest his head against the cold stone wall. Munch sighed, this was difficult but he'd take this any day of the week over having to interview Olivia, women had never been his strong point.

"He said he wanted to take last time a step further. That I only proved myself to a certain level and that this time he wanted to see how far I would really go. I'd give my life for her! Hell I thought I was giving my life for her and what did that smug bastard get out of it?"

"Who cares what he got out of it as long as we nail his sorry ass?!"

*****

Olivia sat staring at the wall doing everything in her power to avoid Fin's gaze. She didn't want to be there, she didn't want to be giving a pointless statement when it was perfectly clear that ninety percent of the events were already on tape.

Elliot had literally dragged her out of bed just hours before and she had done every thing in her power to make them late. The shirt she wanted to wear had conveniently disappeared, the only bra she had left that actually fitted her properly was also nowhere to be seen and she just didn't feel like breakfast. To his credit Elliot had been extremely patient and had rubbed her back gently as she sobbed over having nothing to wear. She figured he had experience in all these things, after all he did have five other children.

Arriving at the precinct everything had only gotten a million times worse. Elliot had shouted abuse at both Munch and Fin as they explained how they had to give their statements separately. He clung to her for dear life as she tried to make a move to follow Fin into an interview room. She hadn't wanted to leave him either, being in his arms was the only thing that made her feel complete but she knew she couldn't do this in front of him. She just couldn't put him through the pain of this. It was something she had to do alone and she had to somehow make Fin understand that repeating anything to Elliot would only make matters worse.

Fin sighed and reached out for her hand across the table.

"Liv you can do this, just start from the beginning."

"I wish it was that easy. It's all a blur Fin. One minute I can remember then the next it's like it never happened."

"Do you remember where he took you from?"

Olivia was silent and nervously played with the hem of her shirt. Fin wasn't sure what to say, he was used to taking statements but taking Olivia's statement was so much harder than he'd ever imagined it to be.

"Liv?"

"Is he behind the glass?"

"Who?"

Olivia sighed loudly.

"Please Fin don't make me say it."

"You mean Elliot?"

Olivia barely nodded, ashamed of herself for even asking.

"He is in with Munch giving his statement. The only person who might be behind there is the cap."

Fin watched intently as Olivia became a little more relaxed, her shoulders dropped slightly and she loosened the death grip she'd previously had on his hand. Fin of course wasn't complaining, he would do anything to take away his friend's pain.

"I was just going out but I'd already been down to the car to put some bags in. He must have followed me up because when I went to close the door he was standing there. Why didn't I see him Fin? I'm normally so cautious!"

"None of this was your fault. He is one sick and twisted son of a bitch."

"Maybe I didn't see him because I didn't want to. Maybe I didn't see him because suddenly I had an easy way to solve my problems."

"Or maybe you were just not thinking straight. Liv you can't keep beating yourself up over this, it's not good for you. It's not good for any of you."

"I know that but it's so hard, it's so hard not to blame myself."

"I know. What happened in the apartment?"

"He pushed me inside and pulled out a knife. He told me to write exactly what he told me to and nothing else. I did what he asked of me but I tried to give Elliot a clue. It was a riddle and I knew the answer so I put extra emphasis on the E's to give him some help."

Tears were now flowing freely down her pale cheeks. She wanted nothing more than to be at home with Elliot watching a movie or enjoying a take out. Giving this statement could easily be the death of her.

"He got so upset, said he didn't want to hurt me so I should just do what he asked me to. I told him that I was sorry and I promised that I wouldn't try anything like that again."

Noticing the look in Fin's eyes Olivia stopped talking and swallowed hard.

"Fin...."

"He knows where you live. We need to get you moved to a safer place."

"No. I'm not leaving my home, I won't be pushed out by this. You can't say anything to Elliot, please Fin. He hasn't made the connection yet and I'd like it to stay that way. Please Fin promise me you won't say anything."

Fin let go of her hand and quickly stood up. Rage was pulsing through his veins and he wanted nothing more than to punch a wall. Suddenly he realised why Elliot lost his temper so much.

"Liv you're asking me to put your life in danger. I won't....I can't do that!"

"He is done with us, he did what he set out to do. He is no more of a threat to me than you or Munch or anybody else for that matter. I'm not scared of him."

"How can you be so certain?"

Fin sighed loudly and sat back down at the table.

"Because if he had wanted to kill us he would have done it already. We have much bigger threats out there than Merritt Rook."

Fin hadn't felt this uncomfortable for as long as he could remember. His head told him to at least get a protective detail but his heart just wouldn't let him. Selfishly he couldn't risk losing Olivia's friendship. He had lost count of the amount of times she had been there for him, the amount of good turns that she had carried out without a second thought. Even though his heart could be leading him in to a very sticky situation he decided he couldn't betray his friend, he owed her. One look in her chocolate eyes told him that protective detail wasn't the way forward but he had a solution. Sitting in a car all night enduring Munch's conspiracy theories would be worth it in the long run, he just had to keep telling himself that.

"Where did you go after you left your apartment?"

"He took my car keys, told me to walk to the car and not to make a scene but it was already dark by then so no one would have seen us. There was no one to call out to. I figured it was pointless to run, I wouldn't have gotten far."

She paused momentarily to have a sip of water before continuing.

"He opened the car and got into the passenger side. Once I got in he gave me the keys and told me to drive to Elliot's old place."

"What happened when you arrived at Elliot's? Did he hurt you Liv?"

"We went inside."

She suddenly freezes.

"He had a key! I never thought about it before but he definitely had the key."

"That suggests he had probably been following both of you for a while and somehow got hold of Elliot's door key to make a copy."

"I guess so. Maybe he stole it from one of the kids. I'll have to check with them later to see if they are missing one."

"Once you were in the house what happened? Did he hurt you Liv? Please answer me truthfully."

"No, he didn't hurt me. He sat me down on the sofa, he asked if I was comfortable, if I was okay. He even got me a glass of water."

"He left you alone and you didn't run?"

Olivia laughed a little before reaching for Fin's hand and squeezing it slightly.

"I wouldn't have even made it round the block. I'm not in the best physical shape right now if you hadn't noticed."

Fin smiled.

"Sometimes I forget about that."

Olivia laughed once more and rubbed her stomach gently with her free hand.

"It's kinda getting hard to forget now Fin."

Fin laughed with her for several minutes before sighing and preparing himself to question his friend once more.

"What happened after he gave you the water? Did you feel dizzy or different in any way?"

"No. Elliot called my phone and they talked for a while. I'm not sure exactly what was said, I'm sure there was a lot of shouting on Elliot's part. I remember Merritt told him if he wasn't there in fifteen minutes we would start without him."

She paused briefly and looked to the glass window behind Fin's head. The reflection staring back at her looked frail and lost, the reflection staring back at her wasn't her own.

She wouldn't let this break her after all Merritt Rook had thrown her a life line, a life line that she would grab all over again without a second thought. Merritt Rook had given her all she had ever wanted and that she decided had to count for something.

Maybe the pain she was feeling was something else entirely or maybe, just maybe it was because her heart was going to make her do something very stupid. She sighed and continued answering Fin's questions, the sooner she answered them, the sooner she could get home.

"After that I don't remember much. I just remember hearing voices and waking up to see Elliot tied to a chair across the room. I wanted to tell him it was all going to be okay but I was gagged."

She sobs gently.

"I tried to warn him Fin, I tried but...."

"Liv, I know. I know you did everything you could. It is not your fault and everyone is okay aren't they? We'll all get through this together."

"I'm sorry that you all had to watch that. It must have been difficult."

"Don't worry about that, I'm just glad we found you both alive."

Fin remembered how he emptied the contents of his stomach on watching the video, how he frantically searched Elliot's apartment and how he hit his sirens and drove like a maniac across town. However the thing he remembered most is the blood, fake or not it's the one thing that wakes him up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night.

"How much time do you think passed between you being on the sofa and waking up?"

"I'm not sure but probably a fair few hours. It was just starting to get light when I woke up. I remember when we left the car the display said 21:30 and we weren't there very long before El called, maybe thirty minutes. What time did you find us?"

"1pm but we'd been looking for you for almost two hours."

"I think I was out most of the night. He must have given me something."

"He did... Flunitrazepam."

Fin sighed.

"Liv did you feel..." He paused to try and find the right words before concluding that there would never be 'right words' for this.

"Liv did you feel...sore?"

"God Fin!"

Before Olivia could say anything else the door came flying open and Elliot came storming into the room. He noticed the tears in Olivia's eyes and quickly pulled her into his arms.

"What the hell have you been saying to her?"

"I asked what I had to ask Elliot!"

"I knew this was a bad idea. This is over, I'm taking her home."

"El please just calm down."

"Calm down? Liv you're distraught and I'm supposed to be okay with that?!"

"I need to finish this, for my sake. I need to get it all out."

"Well then I'm staying right here."

Olivia lent up and gave him a quick kiss on the lips to let him know that she was okay.

"Wait at your desk El. I won't be long."

Elliot sighed loudly and kissed her forehead.

"Okay but if you need me, I'm right here."

"I know."

Olivia smiled at him as he turned to walk to the door.

"El?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Elliot smiled.

"I love you too baby, I love all three of you."

Olivia waited until she heard the click of the door closing before sitting back down.

"Wow that guy is whipped, I've never seen him back down so quickly. I never thought I'd see the day."

Olivia laughed.

"It won't last so enjoy it while you can."

"Liv I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I have to ask baby girl, you know I do!"

"I know. My whole body ached but he didn't rape me. Hell Fin I haven't had sex in almost eight months. I'd know if he touched me like that."

Fin looked puzzled and Olivia silently laughed as she watched him trying to work it all out.

"You mean...you actually chose him as the father?"

"Fin I know you and El haven't always seen eye to eye but..."

"Liv that is irrelevant. I'm happy if you're happy and if it's him that makes you happy then who am I to disagree?!"

"Thanks Fin."

"For what?"

"For being you."

They smiled at each other briefly. Neither could put into words how they felt about each other. They loved each other, not like boyfriend and girlfriend, nor like husband and wife but like brother and sister. Olivia felt like the unit were the only family she had but now she was about to get a real family of her own. That didn't mean she would forget the family she already had, in fact she was sure that they would only get closer.

"Did he say anything to you before he left?"

"No I didn't see him, after the shots I don't remember anything."

"So you didn't see him again after that?"

"No."

"Liv why are you lying to me? I can tell you're holding something back."

"That's it, I'm done."

She pushed away from the table and stood up making a quick move towards the door. She didn't stop when she heard Fin calling her name, she wanted to but she couldn't bear to look at him.

"Liv what did he say to you?!" Fin called to the empty doorway.


	10. Fat

**Here we go pure E/O....I'm not that great at writing smut so if it sucks then I'm sorry.**

* * *

Olivia was laying on her side with Elliot laying behind her. His mouth was attached to her neck and his fingers were busy circling her nipples through her shirt. They had been trying to hold off all day. Having arrived home from the precinct they immediately started a make out session on the sofa.

It hadn't been either of their intentions to end up like this but these things happen. For both it was a way of escaping the tough memories that had resurfaced during the day, an easy way to escape words that neither of them wanted to say.

Elliot had practically carried Olivia into the kitchen as she remained attached to his body, not wanting to break contact for a single second. He made the decision that she needed to eat, she argued that she was only hungry for one thing and that it was absolutely not food. They had continued to make out in the kitchen before Elliot felt the babies kicking against his stomach that in itself was enough to make him think of food once again.

"I think our babies might be hungry."

Olivia groaned.

"Always hungry at inappropriate times...just like their father."

"Ah that's it blame the baby Daddy!"

Olivia giggled and broke contact to allow him to find them something to eat. As far as she was concerned the faster he made them something the faster they could carrying on with what they were doing.

She felt like a giddy school girl who was about to take things to the next level with the high school jock. Her hormones had been raging for days and it had taken everything she had to not jump Elliot at the first opportunity. Today however her hormones weren't to blame, her conversation with Fin was playing heavy on her mind. Even though she had begged him not to repeat anything to Elliot she was sure that if he really thought she was in danger he would betray her. She wouldn't blame him if he did, she'd do exactly the same thing in his shoes.

She didn't want Elliot to ask her if she'd spoken to Merritt after the 'shots', she didn't want to have to lie to him. The thing about her relationship with Elliot was when they were just partners she could twist the truth a little, she could tell him she was doing okay when really she wanted the world to swallow her up but now they were taking things further it just didn't seem right to lie.

After eating a very quick lunch they were soon at it again, they moved back into the lounge for a while before finally making it to the bedroom.

Elliot had managed to lose his clothes somewhere between the lounge and the bedroom. Olivia had his shirt off before they had even made it to the first step, his jeans were gone by the fifth and his boxers just outside the bedroom door. Elliot had unfortunately been a lot slower at undressing her, her jeans had stayed firmly on until they reached the comfort of the bedroom and he had only managed to rid her of her panties as he eased her gently down onto the bed.

Elliot sucked harder at Olivia's neck and pushed himself closer to her, she could feel his erection against her thigh for several moments before he gently slipped inside her, moving in and out at a slow pace before he heard her cry out. Initially he was lost in the moment, the feel of himself inside her was in itself enough to send him spiralling over the edge. In those few seconds he had unintentionally forgotten all about the comfort of the woman he was making love to. On hearing another gentle cry he quickly pulled out and turned her to face him.

"God Liv was I hurting you?"

"That was just a bad position."

She pushed him down against the bed and climbed on top of him, using one hand to balance herself and the other to guide him into her. As she sank down to meet his hips she decided to grab his shoulders. She used the support of his body to gently rock herself against him, she pushed up and down gently with Elliot raising his hips to met her with every one of her upward movements. Her hair which was originally tied back in a neat ponytail was now sprawled over her face, beads of sweat making it stick to her forehead slightly. She was tired and if it was anyone other than Elliot beneath her she would be wondering how she was going to have the energy to keep this up. Elliot's heightened groans were all she needed to keep her body moving.

Elliot pulled at the bottom of Olivia's T-shirt and tried to lift it up, Olivia grabbed his hands and pushed them away as she continued to slide up and down his length. Elliot moaned and massaged her breasts through her shirt for a while before trying again to remove it.

"El, don't."

He ignored her and carried on not thinking that she was being serious, a slap and the quick removal of Olivia's body from him suddenly made him realise his mistake. He turned in time to see Olivia disappearing into the bathroom and the door slamming behind her.

He heard the lock turning and quickly got up to try and reason with her. He wasn't sure what exactly had happened but he was certain that he must have done something wrong, maybe they were moving too fast. Maybe she didn't want him like he wanted her. He knocked loudly on the bathroom door.

"Go away." Olivia shouted through her tears.

"Liv baby will you come out so we can talk about this? I'm sorry if I did something wrong."

"I asked you not to and you carried on!"

"Baby I didn't think you were serious."

"Well I was."

"But why Liv? I don't understand."

" I didn't want you to have to look at me."

Elliot was about to call out again when Olivia's words suddenly hit him.

_I didn't want you to have to look at me._

He choked on his emotions for a second before fighting back in true Elliot fashion.

"What? You didn't want me to have to look at you? I suggest you open that door or move out the way right now."

Elliot listened to a few more quiet sobs before the door opened and Olivia stood staring back at him. Not opening the door wasn't an option, she had known Elliot long enough to know that when he said he'd kick down the door it meant he'd do exactly that.

"Liv what's going on?"

"I'm fat El and I know you're not into that."

"I'm not into that? Where the hell did you get that from?"

Elliot took her hand and dragged her over to the full length mirror. She fought him but he was determined to not let go, he couldn't let go until he had sorted this all out. He positioned himself behind her and rubbed her shoulders.

"Do you trust me Olivia?"

"With everything I have."

"Then trust me with this."

Elliot's hands found the bottom of Olivia's T-shirt and slowly moved it up over her head. After discarding it somewhere by the window his arms snaked round Olivia's waist and his mouth connected with her neck.

"So beautiful."

Elliot noticed that Olivia was refusing to look in the mirror. He held back a small tear as he realised that suddenly Olivia was uncomfortable with her body, just knowing she felt that way made him feel uncomfortable too.

He moved his hands up to cup her ample breasts, they fitted perfectly in his large hands. Massaging them slowly he kissed her cheek while he watched the mirror as Olivia involuntarily moaned in his ear, he waited until her chocolate eyes met his baby blues before speaking.

"You wanna tell me what all this is about?"

He felt her body tense against him but he wasn't going to let this go. He would get to the bottom of things even if it was the last thing he did.

"I'm fat!"

He would have laughed if the situation hadn't of been so serious. Instead all he could do was smile gently and set about making things better.

"Olivia you're not fat. You're pregnant and believe me baby there is a big difference."

"What does it matter? It still equates to the same damn thing! Neither do it for you." She almost shouted at him in frustration.

He held her gaze in the mirror for several seconds before moving a hand up to wipe a few strands of hair off of her face. He didn't understand where she was getting this from, sure he had been through this with Kathy the first time but it had been nothing as dramatic as this. His body was disobeying the seriousness of the situation, he was rock hard and there was nothing he could do about it. Deciding that actions speak louder than words he used his other hand to push her back against him causing her to moan loudly as they bodies came in very close contact to each other.

"Doesn't that prove to you how much I want you?" He whispered in her ear as he bucked his hips forward to enforce his words.

"Kathy told me. She told me how you never wanted her during her pregnancies, how you just weren't into that. You find being fat a turn off."

At the mention of his ex wife's name Elliot immediately lost his arousal and pulled away from Olivia. He ran his hands through his hair before grabbing her shoulders and turning her around to face him.

"She said what?"

"She said I hope your guy isn't anything like Elliot because he wouldn't even look at me during my pregnancies."

Elliot shook his head in disbelief, he knew Kathy was pissed at him but he hadn't realised until now just how far she was willing to go to ruin his life.

"Liv she was playing you, she must have figured out that I was the father. She said those things to hurt you. Baby I swear to you that you still 'do it for me' and you always will do. It wouldn't matter if you grew two heads, I'd still always love you."

Olivia laughed through her tears.

"El she looked serious, she looked like she was telling the truth."

"It doesn't matter what she looked like, she was lying and I'll deal with that later. She had no right to say those things. Liv I love you okay? I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That wouldn't change even if you were fat."

He smiled and she smiled back finally relaxing a little and starting to find both truth and comfort in his words.

"I can see you're still not convinced....let me prove it to you."

"And how exactly do you plan on doing that Detective Stabler."

Elliot wiggled his eyebrows and reached for her hand.

"Follow me and you'll find out."

Elliot grabbed two pillows from the bed before making his way downstairs. Olivia was glued firmly to his side and he took great pleasure in showering her with kisses throughout the whole journey. On reaching the kitchen Elliot swiped the papers off of the table and placed a pillow at the top.

"No way El!" Olivia exclaimed.

"What? Doing it in the kitchen isn't your style? Believe me you'll love it."

Olivia could all but smirk as he lifted her onto the table and pushed gently on her shoulders motioning for her to lay back.

"Just buck your hips a little bit so I can slide this pillow under your back."

Elliot waved the pillow at her as she raised them just enough for him to slip it under. Slowly she eased herself back down as she felt Elliot parting her legs and shuffling between them. She raised her knees up as Elliot wrapped his strong hands around her thighs and pulled her body down the table to meet his. Olivia responded by wrapping her legs around him and allowing her feet to rest against his toned backside.

Olivia moaned loudly as he slid inside of her with ease, he moved up and down, touching her G-spot and sending her over the edge with each thrust seeming somewhat deeper than the one before. She reached for him but their position didn't really allow for her to wrap her arms round his neck like she wanted. For now she would just have to make do with keeping her hands to herself.

Elliot thrusted harder and harder not looking away from her dark eyes, not even for a second. Her pupils were dilated in pure pleasure and as he held onto her thighs he felt complete. The pain he'd been feeling since their encounter with Merritt suddenly disappeared. Looking into those eyes he saw everything he'd ever wanted, everything he'd ever needed.

Olivia knew she was close, she knew she couldn't hold back much longer. Her mind had been so busy during the day with so many thoughts and events whirling around. Right now all she could think about was the man between her legs and as he snaked his hand down between them and his fingers made contact with her skin she could hold back no longer. She screamed his name as she came and threw her head back trying to deal with the ragged breathing as he continued to thrust into her riding out his own wave of ecstasy.

He had called her name too and Olivia realised that nothing had ever sounded that beautiful, nothing had ever felt that good or that right but she also knew that tonight they had crossed a line. The line was invisible but it was there all the same, it was a line that could never be uncrossed. It didn't matter how much either one of them might want to go back, to change things, they never could. This time they had reached the point of no return.

* * *

**The next chapter will reveal all, what did Merritt say to Olivia?.......Well you'll just have to wait and see......**


	11. Risk

**Enjoy :D**

* * *

Elliot and Olivia had both over slept the next morning. They were completely exhausted after making love several more times the night before. Essentially because they couldn't keep their hands off of each other but on a deeper level it was a new found way of expressing their love, so much easier than words. Olivia's alarm clock had sounded at seven am but had failed to rouse them from their deep sleep. Olivia had automatically reached over and hit the mute button in her sleep before snuggling back down against Elliot's warm body. She remained asleep until Elliot's loud cursing woke her making her very aware that Elliot was over an hour late for work.

She felt guilty at first but it soon faded as she took immense pleasure in watching Elliot run frantically about the room looking for his clothes, he finally found a shirt, tie and suit trousers that he had left there previously. After getting dressed he gave Olivia a quick kiss before running out the door.

With Elliot safely off to work Olivia settled down in front of the TV to watch some trashy chat shows. She didn't normally like chat shows but recently she felt drawn to them, something about them left her intrigued. The nature of her work meant that she was never surprised by the stories or the families on these shows in fact she took comfort in knowing that Elliot and herself were somewhat normal compared to the couples on the TV screen.

Currently on the screen was a twenty-five year old who had been getting it on with her sixty year old step father. Olivia watched the heavily pregnant woman scream words of abuse at the aging step father who looked like he was about to have a heart attack. The step father of course was denying the whole relationship as his wife sat in tears beside him and the foul mouthed step daughter demanded a paternity test. It was all sadly entertaining and helped pass the time as she was under strict orders not to come back to work yet.

The door bell sounded and Liv quickly grabbed the remote to turn off the TV, the last thing she wanted to be caught doing was watching that trash. She slowly opened the door only to be greeted by Lizzie holding Eli tightly in her arms.

"Hey Sweetheart. Everything okay?" Liv questioned as Eli flung himself into her arms, he placed a sloppy kiss on her check and snuggled his head into the crook of her neck.

"Ugh can we come in?"

"Of course Honey. You never have to ask, you're always welcome here."

Lizzie slowly walked in behind Liv, keeping her eyes on the floor the whole time mainly to stop Olivia from noticing the tears.

"Hey buddy, are you being a good boy for your sister?"

"Yup, me good!"

"Why don't you go grab some toys little man while I talk to your sister?"

"K"

Olivia gave Eli a quick kiss on the forehead, put him down and watched him run off to the spare room to get his toys before turning to Lizzie.

"Has something happened?"

"Eli's been up since five am asking for you. Mom went crazy when I asked if we could come see you. I never meant to upset her, I thought I was helping by getting him out of the house for a while. She shouted a lot and then screamed at me to get him out of her sight. I didn't know where else to go."

Olivia brought Lizzie into a hug and allowed her to cry on her shoulder.

"I don't know what to do anymore, shes not the same person she used to be. What am I supposed to do?"

"You have to make her feel loved. Shes in a pretty low place right now and probably feels like shes losing every one she cares about. You have to be strong for her. I'm not saying that shouting at you guys is right but it's probably the only way she knows how to cope right now."

"Why do you stick up for her after everything she has said about you?"

"Because I love you kids and she will always be your Mother. I doesn't matter what happens in the future. Even if you decide one day that you don't want to know her, that won't stop her from being your Mother. I can't be responsible for any decisions, you guys have to make them yourself. It's not my place to bad mouth her and I guess I can understand her pain."

"You're amazing Liv, you know that right?"

Olivia just smiled and watched as Lizzie disappeared into the kitchen. Eli came running back into the room with an armful of toys, he seemed to have grabbed as many toys as his tiny arms would allow him to carry plus a few more for extra measure. Several dropped onto the floor as he navigated the couch.

"Liv play!"

"Alright buddy what did you want to play today?"

"Detectives." The little boy squealed causing Olivia to laugh loudly.

"How about we just play cars for today?"

"K!"

Olivia had just lowered herself onto the floor and picked up one of Eli's toy cars when the phone began to ring. Within seconds Lizzie was at the side table with the phone to her ear and Olivia smiled gratefully at her as she turned her attention back to Eli.

"Uhm sure...yeah...I'll just get her for you."

Lizzie covered the receiver with her hand.

"Liv it's for you."

Olivia got up and walked to the side table half expecting Elliot to be on the other end of the phone checking up on her. Although she pretended not to she loved his protective side immensely.

"Hello."

"Hello Olivia."

"How did you get this number?"

"You gave it to me, you don't remember?"

"If stealing it from my cell phone counts as giving it to you then you have a funny perspective of right and wrong."

"I love it when you get feisty!"

"Did you actually want something or where you just phoning to taunt me."

"Olivia you know I'd never do that. I care about you. I'm calling because you look tired, I was worried."

Olivia froze and gently pulled back the net curtain to look out into the street, seeing no one around she casually reached over for her cell phone.

"Don't even think about it."

Olivia quickly pulled her hand back to her side.

"God damn you. Why can't you just let it go?"

"Now now Olivia there is no need for that attitude. Meet me so we can get this over with."

"You know I can't do that!"

"I meant what I said last time. This game is mine, the rules are mine and it's only over when I say it is. If you play by the rules you get out alive, that's the way it works."

"I don't give a damn about your stupid game. You've had your fun." Olivia whispered into the phone to stop the children hearing.

"You know she really is one pretty girl......"

Olivia sighed.

"Okay okay you got me. I give up."

"So I'll be seeing you shortly?"

"I guess you will."

"I'll meet you at your car."

With that the phone went dead and Olivia's mind went into turmoil. She knew she shouldn't be doing this, Elliot would kill her if he ever found out. His anger would be so great that it could ruin the foundations they had been busy setting over the previous days, she definitely didn't want to lose that. She also knew that the likelihood of Merritt actually doing anything to the kids was very slim. The pure mention of Lizzie was enough to convince her to not take the risk, she could never forgive herself for making the wrong decision. If she made the wrong decision for her and Elliot she'd get over it eventually but she would absolutely not put his kid's lives in danger.

She was frustrated with this man for what he was trying to do, he had his fun but he wasn't ready to let go. Maybe she could convince him to leave them alone. It was a long shot but the only hope was to meet him.

Olivia told Lizzie to watch Eli while she went out for a few minutes. The young girl just nodded without asking any questions, she wanted to but the look in Olivia's eyes told her not to. Olivia exited the apartment building, got in the car and drove round the corner, she'd only been sitting there for a few minutes when he arrived. He pulled open the passenger door and climbed in for shelter from the rain outside.

"It's nice to see you again."

"I wish I could say the same to you."

He smiled a little.

"One would think that you would be a little more grateful to me for what I did for you."

"If you want me to thank you for all of this then you can forget it. I won't condone what you did."

"But you aren't disgusted by it either. I did you both a favour. Isn't it nice to know that your man loves you so completely that he would die for you? Does that not make you feel good?"

Olivia sighed and ran her hand through her hair.

"What exactly do you want Merritt? I'm far too tired for all these games."

"I don't want anything Olivia. I came here to give you the chance of revenge."

"Excuse me?" Olivia turned to face him clearly in shock.

"I'm giving myself up to you. I don't regret what I did, I brought you two together. I knew the moment I met you that you were in love with him and I knew he felt the same way. He had that look in his eyes, the same look I had for my wife....the look of complete and utter love. I watched him for a long while to make sure you were what he wanted. He never looked at his wife like that, hell it was like she didn't even exist to him. You were the only woman he ever saw."

"We would have figured out things eventually and he loved his wife so don't try telling me otherwise."

"Maybe so but you had a limited time scale with the pregnancy. Like I said earlier I don't regret it but I know I caused you pain throughout and I'm sorry for that."

Olivia smiled.

"No pain, no gain."

"Ah a girl after my own heart. I'm sure Elliot wouldn't be as understanding."

"No and he is going to kill me if he comes home and finds you in my car."

"So do something about it before he gets here."

"I'm hardly in a fit state to shove you from my car although believe me I am tempted."

Merritt laughed.

"Temptation is a beautiful thing Detective Benson. I was actually thinking of something different."

"And what would that be?"

"You keep spare handcuffs in here Detective?"

"Of course."

Merritt held his hands out in from of him.

"Then what are you waiting for?"

Olivia looked at him blankly and sighed as realisation set in. He was playing her all over again, testing her one more time to see if she would let her heart rule her head. She wondered when all of this would end before deciding that beings he was offering her the choice to end it all that if she declined she would have to put up with him forever.

"Come on arrest me. I mean it wouldn't look good if people found out that one of New York's finest was sitting in a car with a criminal and hadn't slapped the handcuffs on within five seconds."

"Get out of my car now."

"Excuse me?" Merritt raised his eyebrows.

"I mean it, get your ass out of my car before I change my mind."

"You mean you aren't going to arrest me? Well this is something you don't see every day."

"Merritt I swear this is your last chance, either get the hell out right now or your one time offer is up."

"Detective..."

Olivia holds her hand up to silence him.

"Don't push me because changing my mind is looking more and more plausible with every word that escapes from that big mouth of yours."

Merritt opens the door and slowly zips up his jacket as the cold wind rushes into the previously warm car.

"And if I ever see your sorry ass again I'll arrest you without a second thought. Count yourself lucky that I'm rather emotional today."

Merritt laughed.

"I'll be counting my blessings every day Detective don't you worry. Say hello to Elliot for me."

Before Olivia had the chance to react the car door was slamming and Merritt Rook had disappeared into thin air.

*****

"Is Olivia not here yet?" Fin called to Munch as he walked into the room.

"No sign of her yet, I tried calling but no answer."

"Elliot's gonna have a heart attack if he gets back and she ain't here. You can be on standby to give him mouth to mouth."

"Well thanks Fin I'm sure Elliot would be impressed by your lack of compassion."

"Hey it's not like I was suggesting to leave him on the floor, I kindly volunteered your services and if you are as good at CPR as you are at making coffee there won't be any complaints."

"Very funny. Why is she supposed to be here again?"

"I dunno, the cap said he needed everyone here including Liv. Maybe it's about Merritt."

"I doubt it, he'll be long gone by now. Vanished without a trace, just like last time!"

"Cap's blinds are closed, whose he got in there with him?"

"No idea, he came out ten minutes ago and asked to not be disturbed until everyone is back."

"Something fishy going down here."

"What was that about fish Detective?"

Fin turned round to see Cragen standing in the doorway of his office, from his facial expression he could tell he wasn't best pleased.

"Nothing cap."

Cragen's expression soon turned to concern when he realised that Olivia had still not arrived.

"Where's Olivia?"

"Dunno cap. No sign of her yet."

"She was supposed to be here thirty minutes ago. Don't you think one of you should be out looking for her?"

"I was just going to." Fin stated before turning and running out the door.

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**Please don't kill me. I know some of you may think that was out of Liv's character but I think it fitted the situation, exactly why she did will be explained later on, when Elliot finds out. Well if he finds out....**


	12. Wrong is Right

**I forgot I had another chapter to post before the one I'm working on right now, so sorry this took longer than normal. **

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Olivia allowed her head to drop onto the steering wheel while her hands gripped it tightly. She hadn't been thinking straight, she had just let a criminal go free and it was in no shape or form an accident. It went against everything she believed in.

Her job was to protect those who needed it, she was supposed to protect people from animals like Merritt Rook and she had failed.

If she had been thinking straight she would have thought about his other victim, the girl from the store that suffered due to Merritt's stupid little games but instead she had only considered herself. That poor girl had been subject to his stupid little games and she hadn't had a choice. Of course Olivia didn't have a choice in being tied up but she had a choice in putting a stop to everything.

At the time Elliot's feelings hadn't even crossed her mind but now they were all that occupied it.

She sighed against the steering wheel and allowed the tears to fall. Boy was she in trouble.

Elliot would lose his rag when he found out.

His neck would bulge and the anger in his eyes would be more than evident.

He would shout at her for being so stupid and so irresponsible.

He would scream at her for putting their babies at risk.

If she was lucky he wouldn't break anything in his temper tantrum, if she was extra lucky he wouldn't break her.

After the shouting and the slamming of doors he would leave.

And maybe if she prayed hard enough he might even come back.

God she was an idiot. She had been given the opportunity to end all of their suffering and she hadn't done it. She was going to live to regret this and only had herself to blame.

A loud tapping on the window and the frantic pulling open of the door interrupted her chain of thought.

"Jesus Liv you scared the hell outta me. I thought you were...I thought you were dead!"

"I'm fine. I need to get back to the kids, I left them on their own." Olivia stated while trying to shake the concerned hand from her arm.

"Fine? By the looks of things you've been crying a God damn river."

"I promise I'm fine."

"So fine that you forgot that you were supposed to be at the precinct forty-five minutes ago?"

"Oh shit. Is he mad?"

"The cap? No he's just concerned. Elliot wasn't back when I left but Munch will handle him."

"I can't imagine Munch being able to hold Elliot back."

Fin laughed at the picture forming in his head and extended his hand out to Olivia.

"Come on let's get you up."

Olivia took his hand and allowed him to gently pull her from the car. Her legs felt like jelly and suddenly gave way beneath her, luckily Fin was quick off the mark and was able to keep her upright.

"Sweetheart we better get you to the hospital." He tightened his arm around her as she leant against him, her head falling onto his shoulder.

"No, no hospitals. My legs just went a little weak from sitting in the same position for so long."

"How long have you been sitting out here?"

"I don't know....maybe an hour."

"What were you doing out here anyway?"

"Making a big mistake."

"Well in future could you please make your mistakes inside where it's a little warmer? Elliot might not hurt me so bad then."

Olivia laughed and allowed Fin to continue to support her as they walked along the street.

*****

Elliot scanned the room and quickly became aware that Olivia and Fin were missing. He shot a look in Munch's direction but he quickly turned his head pretending to have not even noticed Elliot.

Before Elliot had the chance to question Munch Cragen emerged from his office.

"Liv and Fin not back yet?"

"Not yet. Fin called five minutes ago, said they were on their way."

"Where the hell have they been? You did not let her work?"

"Relax Elliot I just sent Fin to pick Olivia up from the apartment. We were quiet here and I figured she might appreciate the gesture."

"She is more than capable of driving herself. Why didn't you call me? I could have picked her up on the way back!"

"There is one major problem with that scenario Elliot."

"And what would that be?" Elliot snarled.

"I thought you had this all planned out."

Elliot sighed.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I just wanted everything to go to plan for once."

Cragen smiled and patted Elliot's arm gently.

"You worry about her too much, she's a big girl."

"I know but I can't help it. I'm so worried she is going to say no."

"Are you two plotting some conspiracy over there?" Munch raised his eyebrows as he spoke.

"No Munch just planning your death." Elliot laughed and flashed Munch his 'just kidding' smile.

"Funny Stabler."

****

Fin drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he waited for Olivia to get back in the car after dropping Lizzie and Eli back at Kathy's. He felt uneasy, he knew Elliot would be questioning them the moment they got through the door and he really didn't want to have to deal with it. Olivia got back in the car and quickly fastened her seatbelt as Fin continued to stare into space.

"Fin? You think we should hurry up? We're late enough as it is?"

"Huh?" He quickly roused from his trance like state.

"I said I think we should get going."

Fin started the car and pulled away. They sat in a comfortable silence for several minutes before Fin decided to make conversation.

"You have to deal with Kathy back there?"

"No the kids just went in and I left. I have no desire to see that woman right now."

"Liv?"

"Hmmm?"

"What were you doing in the car?"

"Thinking."

"For an hour?"

"No I was talking to Merritt then I was thinking."

Fin laughed until he noticed the seriousness in her eyes.

"Liv you didn't?"

"I didn't have much choice Fin, he called the apartment. He mentioned the kids, I had to."

"I knew I should have got that protective detail."

Olivia smiled a little and gave his thigh a gentle squeeze.

"I don't need you to be all protective of me, Elliot does that enough by himself. Apart from making the biggest mistake of my life I'm fine."

"What did he say to you?"

Olivia turned to look at him and raised an eyebrow.

"You mean this time or last?"

"Liv don't. You told me he wasn't a threat, that he would be long gone. You damn right lied to me!"

Olivia broke down, her body shook with gentle sobs. She wasn't normally this easily broken but the pregnancy hormones were really getting to her. Recently she would cry at the smallest of things.

"Don't cry baby girl, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout."

Fin pulled the car over to the sidewalk and turned off the engine.

"I know I did the wrong thing but at the time it felt so right, it felt like it was my only choice."

"Liv I want to understand I really do. Can you tell me why?"

"Elliot's going to kill me. I'm going to lose him."

Olivia continued to sob as Fin reached out and squeezed her arm.

"Don't worry about him for now. Tell me about it and maybe we can sort this out without him knowing."

"If he finds out that you knew....."

"Don't you worry about me I'm a big boy, I can handle him."

They sat in silence for several minutes while Olivia tried to decide what to say. Lying wasn't an option, she had to tell him the truth. She had to tell him everything and she had to do it for herself as much as for him. Maybe if she actually said the words out loud she could convince herself that she had done the right thing.

"If he hadn't of done the things he did I wouldn't be here right now."

"What?"

"I was leaving. I had a suitcase packed and in the car, I forgot the picture of Elliot and me from my apartment so I went back for it and that's when he grabbed me. None of you would have ever seen me again."

"Why? Why would you want to walk away?"

"Because Elliot's kids were hurt and I didn't want to hurt them or Elliot any further. I figured it was better for him to have his children than me. Merritt saved us, he made us realise how much we really mean to each other and that this was worth fighting for. Of course it hurt seeing each other so helpless and so defenceless but it also made me realise how far he would go to save me."

"Even if you had left he would have found you."

"No I would have made sure he didn't. I was going to sever all ties with everyone and change my name. I'm smart enough to not leave a paper trail. It would have been like I'd never existed."

"Hes never going to leave you alone is he?"

"Probably not but I told him if I see him again I'll arrest him without a second thought. I could have ended all of this but how could I put a man that brought Elliot and I together in jail? How could I be responsible for that?"

"You could have called one of us."

"Technically that would still take me responsible. I've never had a family, my Mother was always too drunk to do things that families do. I've never had a Father, never even got to know him. Simon never returns my phone calls. I just wanted a chance at having a family, of being a Mother and I thought that would be enough but it isn't. I realised I selfishly wanted Elliot, I wanted us to be a real family. Elliot and you guys are all I have in this world, I can't punish Merritt for helping us along the way."

Olivia paused and sighed.

"I know Elliot won't see it that way. He'll be so mad at me, so mad at me for risking everything. You were right Fin, I was holding back on you. Merritt told me that he would always be there and that the game will only be over when he chooses."

"You should have told me." Fin clenched his fists.

"I know that but I didn't want to be a prisoner in my own home, I don't need a babysitter. If I let him get to me then he wins."

"You can't tell me that hes not winning now."

"No I can't. I know I was an idiot Fin. I didn't think about anybody else, I was selfish. I put my own needs above everyone else's because I finally have want I've wanted for so many years but it doesn't matter now because I don't know how we can get past this. I put my own needs in front of those of a victim, I can't do this job anymore."

"Liv no. That's ludicrous you cannot quit. You are good at your job, we all make mistakes. We can make this right, if we all stick together we can fix things."

"We should just get back to the precinct."

"Okay but promise me one thing. You won't rush into anything. I think in a weird kind of way that you did the right thing."

"Then maybe you can understand that although what Merritt did was wrong, in a weird kind of way it was also right."

Fin started the engine and headed off towards the precinct. They drove in silence, Fin because he wasn't sure what to say. He was still slightly annoyed at Olivia for not telling him the truth but the more he thought about it the more he understood why she did it.

Olivia was quiet simply because she was scared, scared of what Elliot was going to say. She knew he was going to be angry, she knew he was going to shout but she hoped he would keep at least a little composure.

As they made their way up in the elevator Fin turned to Olivia.

"I understand why you did it."

"Thanks Fin, that means a lot."

The doors opened and they walked out into the corridor, Olivia silently hoping that whatever she had been called in for wasn't going to take long so she could get home and rest. The day's events had really tired her out.

"Sorry we're late guys." Fin called as he walked through the door.

"The traffic..."

He froze as he took in the scene before him causing Olivia to walk straight into the back of him.

"Fin why did....." Olivia stopped speaking as her eyes found the reason Fin had froze.

"Hey Olivia."

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**I'm evil I know....**


	13. Spooked

**Hey all, sorry for the long wait and the relatively small chapter but I had a few options here and it took me a while to decide which one to go with. I'm starting on Chapter 14 now so hopefully it won't take so long. **

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"I'll give you two a few minutes, I'll just be outside."

"Fin its okay, you don't have to."

Olivia's eyes pleaded with him to stay, she didn't want to be left alone in a room with a man she despised.

"The guys are in Cragen's office."

"Uh thanks, I'll go join them."

Fin shot Olivia an apologetic smile and quickly walked across the room before entering Cragen's office, pulling the door firmly shut behind him.

"What are you doing here? When I said I didn't want to see you again I meant it."

"I'm not going through this all again Olivia. I told you I'm not sorry. I saved your life god dammit and you're acting like I hurt you."

"Because you did hurt me! I can't believe you."

"I did what I thought I had to in the situation. Have you never done something that you wish you could take back? Or that you wish you could have done differently?"

Olivia didn't answer him but was clearly shaken by his words, this was the last thing she needed after the day's earlier events.

"Olivia please, I know I was selfish. I was only thinking of myself but I couldn't stand to lose you."

"I was never yours to lose. I think you should go."

"I can't. I came here for answers and I'm leaving until I get them."

"You won't have a choice when Elliot comes out of that office!"

He smirked a little and reached out for her hand.

"Don't you touch me."

"Olivia, Elliot isn't going to be coming out until we finish. There's an FBI agent in there with them keeping them where they need to be."

"Oh that's great so you've brought one of you FBI buddies with you. What's wrong? You not man enough to do this by yourself?"

"I'm not here for personal reasons Olivia. We have a case that I think you could help us on."

"You can forget it, I'm not helping you with anything. You used me."

"Well it looks like you used me too so I guess we're even."

"Excuse me?"

"You told me you were on the pill!"

"You've got to be kidding me." Olivia laughed while throwing her arms up in the air for effect.

"Is that the only reason you slept with me?"

He was shouting now and Olivia instantly paled, she didn't want Elliot to know about her lapse of judgement. It was obvious that she had once trusted Porter and that there were feelings there but Elliot had no idea that they had slept together.

"Could you keep your voice down?"

"Why what's wrong? Have you not told Elliot that you're pregnant by a man he despises?"

"They're not yours, they're his."

Porter stood up in anger causing the chair he had been previously sitting on to crash to the floor. He grabbed hold of Olivia's arms and pulled her to him.

"You bitch. You were sleeping with us both at the same time? I don't believe you. I want a paternity test."

"You're not getting anything. I'm only 22 weeks there is no way you're the Father." Olivia spat at him.

"You're lying to me. You've got to be at least eight months."

Olivia laughed in his face.

"You're an expert on pregnancies and babies now are you? Not that it's any of your business but I'm having twins."

Porter instantly let go of her and span round to face the wall. He was silent for a while not entirely sure whether to believe her or not, after all she had made it perfectly clear that she hated him. Could she really hate him enough to not want him around if the baby was his? He shook his head and turned back to face her.

"So you and Elliot?"

"Can we just get on with why you're here, please? Seeing each other again is obviously not good for either of us."

Porter sighed and ran his hand through his hair before picking up his chair and sitting back down on it. He motioned for Olivia to take a seat but she ignored him.

"Olivia please just sit down...I'm not asking you to do this for me."

Olivia sighed and took a seat.

"So tell me about the case."

"We received a call earlier this afternoon from a bank downtown. The bank manager got a call from a detective telling him that one of his employees had been spotted stealing and that they still had the money on their person. He was instructed to call the employee into his office and was told to search them. The caller called himself Detective Milgram."

Olivia instantly paled but quickly managed to regain composure.

"What exactly makes this an FBI case?"

"The employee he searched was an undercover FBI agent."

"So you're here because one of your agents didn't do her job properly?"

"Olivia why do you have to be so frustrating? She was told not to blow her cover, no matter what. She did everything she was supposed to and ended up the victim."

"Well I guess that is the risk you take when you go undercover and trust the FBI to protect you."

"You're taking this personally. Why are you so reluctant to help? You know you won't get hurt."

Olivia laughed at his choice of words. She wouldn't get hurt? Every time she was around that man the outcome was hurt, sometimes physical and sometimes emotional but hurt all the same.

"I have other things to consider now. I can't go risking my life and anyway I'm on sick leave, I shouldn't even be here. I'm tired and I just need to go home and rest. You can work this case without me."

"We can't. You know him best, we're pretty sure it is the same guy that held Elliot and yourself hostage, you two have spent a lot of time with him. Maybe he said something to you that could help us find him?"

"He said nothing Dean, nothing of any interest or relevance to anybody. He played a game with us and he won. You won't find him until he wants to be found and when you do find him don't expect an easy ride."

"Oh we will find him and you're going to help."

"Did you not hear me? I'm on sick leave."

"You seem perfectly healthy to me Olivia. Are you being purposely unhelpful because you actually want him to get away with it?"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Well it can't be that you're scared, I hear that you trust him and that you think if he was going to cause you any physical harm he would have done so by now. So I have a proposal."

"Go on humour me."

"We want to use you as bait. You'll be perfectly safe, he isn't even going to get close enough to touch you. I'm pretty sure that he is watching your every move still so I want you to go downstairs and sit in the car we've left out there. Eventually he'll approach you, we've got snipers on the surrounding buildings and plain clothed officers walking the street. I promise you Olivia that nothing will happen to you."

"You're right because even if I sit in that car he won't approach me."

Olivia got up and leaned over the desk towards Porter.

"He's smarter than you." She smirked before turning and heading towards captain Cragen's office.

"Oh and Porter?" She called half turning back to face him.

"Yes?"

"If I was carrying your child would you let me do this?"

He paled and swallowed deeply.

"No, no I wouldn't."

"Then how can you expect Elliot to?"


	14. Confession

**Here we go. A bit of a longer chapter for you this time. I'm on a roll this weekend, I've already written half of chapter 15 and the base for chapter 16 :D**

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Elliot stood facing a man he truly hated. He hated many people, people who abused children, those men who assaulted their wives and scum that dealt death to kids. The hate he felt for them was immense but it had nothing on the hate he felt for Dean Porter, that was true hatred.

He knew it was wrong and totally unfounded to hate one man more than all the abusers and murdering scum but he couldn't help himself.

That was his problem, when someone hurt Olivia he hurt them. That was the way it worked and always would work. Of course he couldn't always hurt them the way he wanted to so he would find a locker or a mirror or a wall and pretend.

Pretend just like he used to pretend it was her body moving underneath him instead of his wives.

Pretend like he used to pretend the smile some guy had put on Olivia's face was put there by him.

Pretend like he used to pretend that they were a married couple when he turned up at her apartment with a take away and she'd go grab him a beer.

He had no need to pretend those things anymore and he was pretty sure pretending to hurt Porter wasn't going to be so pretend after tonight.

On the surface he hated the guy for being attracted to Olivia, he couldn't blame him for that though after all who wasn't attracted to Olivia?! Deeper down he hated him for hurting her the way he did, he blamed him for being in the way and for winning Olivia's trust. Unfortunately he knew the real reason he hated him was because he was jealous and a little part of him was scared that Olivia would leave.

He used to lay in bed at night with his wife by his side and think about Olivia, he used to pray that she would be there when he entered the precinct the next morning and even more so he used to pray that she would not succumb to that man's charm.

"Look Elliot this isn't personal."

Anger flashed through Elliot's eyes. Isn't personal? It was personal the moment he brought Olivia into this. Elliot clenched his fists at his sides knowing full well that the smug bastard was enjoying every second of this.

"I didn't come here to upset anyone, I came here to solve a case which I will admit has me totally stumped. The only way I can get to Merritt is through Olivia, you're not an idiot Elliot, you know it's the only way.

"There must be another way. We don't know anything that can help you. You are wasting your time."

"Well I read both your statements and they are very vague. Why is that Elliot? You don't remember what happened? I doubt that, there is some kind of cover up going on here. Maybe there's a tape that I haven't been given access to?"

"There's no tape. There's no anything so just go back to wherever it is you came from and let us get on with our lives."

"You know it's starting to look a little bit suspicious that you two are protecting him."

"I'm not protecting anyone." Elliot shouted while resisting the urge to smack him in the mouth.

"Well you may not be but Olivia is. Why would she want to protect the man that caused her so much pain?"

Elliot was silent which caused Porter to be even smugger than before.

"You see the only explanation I can come up with is that she is involved in this somehow."

"Go to hell Porter, you know that is the biggest load of bullshit."

"Bullshit? Come on think about it. She's desperate to get with you, desperate for you to realise you're in love with her. Funny how suddenly Merritt turns up again and gets you two together. That doesn't seem a little bit strange to you?"

"No. It doesn't, she would never join forces with a criminal."

"Well then I suppose we could conclude that she is crazy, I mean she is living with a maniac after all."

"You think I'm going to lose my temper and hit you? Is that what you want?"

"Wow haven't you changed since we last met. Before you got with her you would have hit me without a second thought. Olivia told you to behave yourself or are you just too damn scared that she'll leave your sorry ass?"

Porter laughed at Elliot's obvious discomfort. Hell he hated this man for even existing, if he hadn't of been around he could have had Olivia the first time.

"You know nothing about either of us so keep your opinions to yourself."

"I know more than you think."

"In your dreams. You know only what we want you to know and you can forget using her as bait. She's almost six months pregnant and you want her to get into a situation like that? Are you insane?"

"No but clearly she is as she's already met with him."

"Nice try Porter but I don't believe you, she wouldn't do that."

"Really just like she wouldn't be interested in me?"

"Just like!"

Porter threw his head back and laughed, he had been waiting for this moment for the entire conversation. Actually he'd been waiting for this moment since the first time he set eyes on Elliot. Yes he was going to enjoy this, he was going to enjoy this very much.

"The thing is Elliot, she is interested in me."

"No she may have flirted with you a little but that was just to cure her boredom when I was temporarily unavailable."

"The flirting was just the start of it. You want to know what else we got up to when you were 'temporarily unavailable'?

Elliot instantly paled, he didn't believe a word that escaped from that man's lips but the thought of him with Olivia made his skin crawl.

"I'll take your silence as a Yes. Isn't it just the best thing when she has her head thrown back against the pillow while screaming your name?"

"I don't believe you." Elliot turned to walk away but Porter's next words stopped him dead in his tracks.

"She likes having her neck kissed. Kissed, nipped, licked she isn't fussy but the moans you get in reward are something else."

Tears involuntarily formed in Elliot's eyes.

"What's wrong Elliot? Don't like being played. I saved the best til last. That's my baby she's carrying. How does that make you feel?"

Before Porter had time to move Elliot's hands were around his throat. He found his body slammed against the wall and even with his breathing restricted he managed to smirk.

"You son of a bitch."

Elliot moved one hand from Porter's throat to keep him held against the wall.

"I'm..no.t...lying...we..had.a.f..ight and she...she...tricked....think..ing ...you... made that...baby.."

"You are one nasty piece of work."

"You'll...see...whe.n..she goes...into..lab...our two months...ear..ly."

Elliot removed the hand holding Porter against the wall and looked as if he was admitting defeat before slamming his fist into Porter's jaw. He heard a crack and watched as blood oozed from his mouth before slamming his fist into the defenceless man's chest. He kept delivering the punches without stopping to think of the damage he was causing.

This man had taken everything from him. Today was supposed to be a happy day a day which was now completely ruined. He closed his eyes and images of Olivia and Porter flooded his mind. He didn't know how he would cope with this.

As he drew his fist back for the fifth time Porter spat blood in his face and used all the energy he could muster up to laugh.

"Just you...wait..until..it...comes out...looking..li...ke...me."

Elliot slammed his fist back into Porter's chest and took pleasure as the man struggled to breathe. He was about to hit him again when he heard it. The only thing powerful enough to make him stop filtered through his ears. The sound of her voice.

"Elliot stop, please stop. Let him go."

Her voice was frantic and he instantly let go of the man trapped between him and the wall, allowing him to slide to a heap on the floor. Olivia instantly went to help him but Elliot grabbed her arm before she could even reach him.

"Don't touch him."

"What the hell did you think you were doing? Elliot you could be suspended for this."

"I don't care. He told me. He told me everything."

"Elliot please it was a mistake. I love you, you know that."

"Go wait in the car."

"El..."

"I said go wait in the car!" Elliot shouted at her, he watched as she flinched and instantly felt bad. He hadn't meant to scare her but he was hurting and the only way he knew how to deal with that was with anger and violence.

"I'm just going to help him clean up and I'll meet you in the car. I promise I won't hit him again."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Liv please. There's nothing you can do here. Go sit down somewhere at least, you're looking a little pale."

Olivia nodded unsure of what to say and disappeared from view. To leave was the last thing Olivia wanted but she felt drained and she was worried the stress would have a negative effect on her pregnancy so she did as she was told and headed for the car.

"What you said about her already meeting him, was that true?"

Porter laughed but soon regretted it as he felt Elliot's hand closing around his throat once more.

"No." He spluttered.

"So you said it to rile me, to set me up for the big secret? Why should I believe anything you've just said? I mean you just admitted to being a liar."

Elliot let go of his throat once again to allow him to speak. Dean spat some blood from his mouth and wiped his sleeve across afterwards to clean himself up a little.

"You'll see if I'm telling you truth when the time comes. When's she told you she's due?"

"February."

"I guess you'll see at Christmas then, think of it as my present to you."

Elliot shook his head and forced himself to keep his hands in his pockets.

"You should go to her. I would imagine you have a lot to talk about."

*******

Olivia screamed as her favourite glass vase smashed against the wall and her heart instantly shattered with it. Her obvious distress stopped Elliot from picking up the photo frame which was the nearest thing in his line of sight.

The room was silent for what seemed like an eternity, neither one of them sure of what to say. Olivia had seen him angry many times but not once had she been scared of him, until today. Now she found herself not only scared but totally unsure of what his next move would be. The only thing she was certain of was that he wouldn't hurt her, not physically.

She looked at the broken pieces of glass lying on the living room floor, the only evidence remaining of Elliot's anger. He was now sitting on the arm chair with his head in his hands, trying to hide the tears cascading down his cheeks. She was about to speak when he beat her to it.

"Did you really think I would never find out?"

"I don't know, I didn't think about it. I didn't even think I would have to see him again. I didn't think it would matter."

"Didn't think it would matter?" Elliot sighed.

"You know it wouldn't have mattered if you had told me. I love you so immensely that we could have gotten over this, we could have worked things out. It wouldn't have stopped us from getting together."

"I'm sorry but you wouldn't have told me about that night with Kathy if it wasn't for Merritt so don't act all innocent."

"That's hardly the same thing."

"How is it different exactly? Please enlighten me."

"I didn't get her pregnant that night."

"Excuse me?"

Sensing the pain and distress in Olivia's voice Elliot looked up at her. He instantly realised his mistake, the shock in her eyes saying everything he needed to know and more.

He had messed up bad, believed that animal over the woman he loved with all his heart. She was never going to forgive him for this and to be fair he wouldn't blame her if she didn't. In fact he was never going to forgive himself.

"I could shout and scream at you for even thinking that, I could throw you out and tell you to never come back but I think after what I'm about to tell you I probably won't need to."

"Liv I'm sorry, I..."

"Don't El. It'll be so much easier if you just hear me out. I did something stupid today, I met with Merritt."

Elliot's head snapped up from its current position.

"You did what?"

"He phoned while you were at work, I told him I wouldn't meet but then he mentioned the kids and I couldn't say no. I couldn't risk their safety so I met him. You would have done the same."

"Where is he now?"

"I don't know?"

"You don't know? You met him and then let him go?" His voice was raised but nowhere near as much as Olivia had expected it to be.

"El I couldn't exactly chase him down the street could I? Anyway it's irrelevant, he handed himself in and I let him go."

"You let him go? After everything he did to us?"

"He made us realise what we feel for each other, he helped us to become a family. How could I arrest him for that? I know that I should have and that my feelings should never cloud my judgement but you know when it comes to my feelings for you, nothing can hold them back. I don't regret what I did but at the same time I regret it more than anything."

Olivia sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"I know that doesn't even make sense. I'm sorry El, I'm sorry for everything. If I had ever thought that we could be together I would have never slept with him. It was a lapse of judgement."

"It seems you've had quite a few lapses of judgement recently, are you sure I'm not one of them?"

"You honestly think that? Jesus El I've been in love with you all these years and you think it's a lapse of judgement? Look, you know where the door is, you're next move is up to you. After what you said about our babies there's nothing more I want to do than walk out that door but I can't. I can't live without you."

She wiped a few stray tears from her cheeks and cleared her throat.

"There are not enough words in the world to describe how sorry I am. I hope you know that."

"I know." He answered.

Olivia quickly moved a hand to her stomach and rubbed it gently.

"El I promise you with everything I have that these babies are ours. You do believe me right?"

Elliot moved and sat next to her on the sofa before reaching out to place the palm of his hand against her large stomach. The babies instantly kicked beneath his hand causing him to smile. To really smile, a smile that was big enough to reach his ears.

"I believe you." He almost whispered.

* * *

**Please leave a review if you enjoyed it or even if you didn't I enjoy those too lol.**

**I know El would probably go mental at Liv but I didn't want them to fight any more :)**


	15. Choice

**Sorry for the wait I knew what I wanted to write but it just wasn't happening. Hopefully chapter 16 wont take so long.**

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Olivia stretched then moaned as her body responded with a dull ache cascading through her limbs. She slowly opened her eyes as she felt Elliot move behind her and drape an arm across her stomach.

"Morning sunshine."

"Morning beautiful." He uttered before leaning forward and connecting his lips with her neck.

"You okay?" He asked as she shifted a little at his touch.

"I'm fine, just a little sore."

"I'm sorry, I...you should have said something."

"El," she smiled while turning herself over to look in his eyes.

"I'm fine, not your fault. How's your hand?" She asked as she pulled his knuckles up to her lips and kissed them lightly.

Elliot smiled back at her and muttered "I'm fine." In truth he was far from it. He looked at his knuckles and suppressed a sigh, all he could see was blood, all he could see was Porter's blood. Although within minutes of the punches platelets would have aggregated at the site of injury, although following that a fibrin clot would have formed and although this clot would have controlled any active bleeding Elliot still saw blood.

He half expected Olivia's mouth to be covered in blood as he moved his hand away, of course it wasn't. He was grateful for that, he was also grateful that they had worked things out.

Every time he closed his eyes he saw them, he saw them together in the very bed they lay in now and every time he pictured them he saw blood.

He was angry and hurt he wouldn't deny that but he couldn't live without her. This was a fact he had learned to live with many years previously, a fact that in essence helped to destroy his marriage.

"El I think we should talk."

After being met with silence the urge to just shut up and make love again was even stronger than before but her heart ached. In all honesty she didn't feel like talking and sex was always a hundred times easier than words. Mind fuck or body fuck? At least one of them would be pleasurable. She sighed to herself before concluding that the only way to reduce the pain was to talk and talking was what she was going to do, even if it killed her.

"Could I at least ask you a question?"

"Liv," he sighed dejectedly. "You don't have to ask permission. We both know you're going to ask anyway."

She smiled a little and rested her head on his chest, just content with listening to the beat of his heart for several minutes before picking up the conversation.

"Why weren't you mad at me last night? I mean about Merritt. I worked myself up into a total mess over what you were going to say yet it seems it was pretty pointless. You didn't lose it like I thought you would."

"Because I love you and I understand."

"You understand?"

"Yes."

"Tell me."

"Liv...."

Olivia reached up and stroked his jaw gently before pulling herself up so that their faces met. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.

"I.."

She kissed him once more.

"Need"

Another kiss.

"You"

Once again her lips claimed his, this time with a little more force than previously exhibited.

"To"

She ran her tongue along his bottom lip, begging for entrance but he remained stubborn and refused to be coerced.

"Tell"

This time she didn't bother with a kiss and simply let go of his jaw but made sure she didn't lose eye contact, not even for a second.

"Me. Just say the words Elliot."

He remained quiet until he felt her hand dancing down his body in small tantalising moves.

"Okay you win," he smiled at her. "I would have let him go too."

Her hand instantly stopped moving and a frown spread across her glowing face.

"Please don't make me say it again, I'm about as uncomfortable with it as you are but I know I would have let him go. He's no real danger, he didn't exactly hurt us. How could I put him away for making us see what we mean to each other?"

"I think we already saw El."

"Maybe but he gave us that push to finally accept how we felt and to do something about it."

Olivia's head fell back onto his broad chest and his hand quickly found her stomach, his fingers drawing lazy circles around her belly button. Olivia closed her eyes and prayed that her next words wouldn't ruin this. She had thought long and hard as she tried so desperately to sleep the night before.

She needed Dean Porter and everything he brought with him out of her life for once and for all and there was only one easy way to do that. She would sit in that God damn car and wait, pointlessly wait for Merritt to approach.

She wasn't stupid, she knew full well that Merritt was watching their every move. She also knew that he wasn't stupid and that he would absolutely not approach her near to work.

So it was decided that she would sit and Merritt wouldn't show and hopefully he would get the hint that he needed to behave himself for once. If he did then everything would be perfect, Porter would go home and she and Elliot could get back to being in love.

She didn't believe in God but in these moments she prayed that Merritt was smart enough to recognise a set up and that Porter was smart enough to pack his bags and leave.

"I've been thinking."

"Did it hurt?"

She laughed and playfully slapped his chest.

"I'm going to do it."

"Going to do what?"

"Sit in the car. You know he isn't going to approach me."

"Okay."

"Okay? Just like that?"

"No not just like that. It's an okay but I'm going to be lying in the back of that car just in case. Well just to make Porter believe that he might actually show, to make him think we are taking this seriously."

He sighed and kissed her forehead lightly.

"I need him gone Liv, I need him out of our lives."

"El?"

"Mmmm?"

"There's something else."

"Oh jeez please don't tell me you're pregnant, don't think I could handle that."

Olivia burst into a fit of giggles as he gently tickled her stomach. He loved how free there were when it was just the two of them. At work they had to remain calm and usually the cases affected them in some way which made laughter impossible but at home it was a different story. At home they could truly be themselves and laugh and joke and mess around just like any other couple.

"So what did you want to tell me?" He asked while easing up on the tickling a little.

"Did Dean tell you about the fight?"

"He mentioned it yes but that's not why I hit him."

"Did he tell you why we fought?"

"Nope I don't believe he did."

"Well, I....err this is kind of embarrassing."

"More embarrassing than actually sleeping with the loser?" Elliot smirked as Olivia playfully slapped him once more.

"I screamed your name while I was with him."

Elliot froze then raised an eyebrow as he took in her words.

"You mean you screamed my name while having sex with him?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Yes Elliot. I guess pretending he was you the whole time worked a little too well."

"Oh and just so you know, the real you is much better."

Elliot smirked and as Olivia climbed on top of him he suddenly felt a little better about Porter's presence. He sure was going to enjoy speaking to him tomorrow.

"Stabler 2 – Porter 0." He mumbled into Olivia's neck as he slid her pyjama bottoms down her legs.

****

Olivia sat at her desk while she waited for Porter to emerge from Cragen's office and give her the 'run down' on the situation. She could tell from the hand gestures and the tone of their voices that they were arguing. The subject of the argument was unknown to her but she passed the time by guessing.

Cragen's angry because Porter is taking over.

Porter is angry because Cragen is holding him back.

Don feels like Dean cannot be trusted.

Dean resents the fact that Don doesn't trust him.

Her captain doesn't want to risk her babies lives....he doesn't want to risk her life.

Dean couldn't care less either way.

The voices lowered and she sighed while turning a little in her chair to get a better look at the two men. Suddenly Porter caught her eye and she saw something she didn't expect to see, she saw fear. Her eyes widened in shock as she realised that Dean Porter might just be a more permanent fixture than they had previously hoped.

Mr big shot FBI agent was always so calm and collected, fear wasn't an emotion he had ever possessed before but now was suddenly another story.

Olivia swallowed and closed her eyes.

Dean Porter did not believe her, he obviously believed that there was some chance that she was carrying his child. That belief was driving him in this investigation.

Olivia was fuming, she couldn't believe that he was doing this on purpose. He was stalling the investigation to allow himself to stay around for longer. Not only was he stalling the investigation, he was coming up with ideas that involved him spending more time with her.

She was about to get up and leave when she realised that Dean was slipping into the chair opposite her. She quickly suppressed a groan and looked up at the man before her. All the previous glimpses of fear were long gone making her wonder if it had all been in her head.

"Olivia are you even listening to me?"

"Huh, sorry?"

"Are we all set?"

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be so let's get this show on the road."

"Okay so you'll drive the car over a couple of blocks and pull up where we previously discussed. There's plain clothes officer stationed all around the street, snipers on the surrounding buildings and I'll follow behind you in my car."

"Oh wow and that just makes me feel a hundred percent safer" she answered sarcastically.

"Olivia I wish you would stop being so cold towards me. It is not my fault that you can't stop thinking about me and can't help wondering how much better your life would be if you were with me instead of Mr Unstable."

Olivia pushed herself back from her desk and slapped Dean as hard as she could.

"Fuck you."

"I think you already did that Sweetheart."

He was smirking and in the process was pissing Olivia off even more. She wanted nothing more than to hit him over and over again, how dare he make accusations like that.

"I'm done with you."

"We'll see about that" he called after her as she made her way down towards her parked car.

Olivia opened the door and quickly got in, starting the ignition immediately and speeding off in the direction she was supposed to be heading.

"Liv what the hell are you doing?"

"Shut up Elliot, I'm supposed to be in the car alone if you hadn't forgotten."

"Geez baby what's wrong? What happened in there?"

"Nothing" she pushed out through gritted teeth.

"Well could you please slow down? Driving like a mad woman is going to get us pulled over by the police."

Olivia laughed and pushed her foot down harder on the gas.

"We are the God damned police."

Elliot fought the urge to jump up and grab the steering wheel from her hands. He reached his hand up and rubbed his head, the confined space was beginning to give him a headache.

He sighed a sigh of relief as Olivia pulled the car over into the designated spot and turned off the ignition. He wanted to talk to her more than anything, he wanted to figure out what had happened inside the precinct but he knew Porter would be pulling up across the road at any moment. He also knew if Porter found out he was in the car then he would be in serious trouble.


	16. Competence

**Ok so I completely lost my muse and this chapter took me ages to finish. I'm sorry it is painfully short but the next chapter will be much longer and hopefully a lot better. I will try to post it asap. **

* * *

Olivia could not believe her eyes. Once she'd calmed down a little she looked up and spotted Rook strolling along the sidewalk without a care in the world.

He had a long coat on and a hat that almost covered his eyes but she recognised him instantly. Would Porter recognise him? She wasn't sure but really it was irrelevant because if he approached them then Porter would be out of the car in seconds.

He looked at her as he passed the car and she sighed in relief as he continued walking.

That relief however was short lived.

Rook stopped next to the passenger side window of Porter's car and knocked on the window gently.

Olivia watched intently and silently prayed that Porter would be his normal ignorant self and ignore him.

She shook her head in disbelief as the window rolled down. Today is not her fucking day.

"Excuse me Sir could you possibly tell me where the supermarket is?"

"Just carry on down the street and turn left at the end." Porter answered in an agitated tone.

"All the way to the end of the street then left?"

"That's what I just said wasn't it?! Look I'm very busy right now so please move along."

"Well thank you for the directions."

Porter started to roll up the window when the man's words stopped him dead in his tracks.

"You're wasting your time."

"Excuse me?"

"I said you're wasting your time. You've been sitting here for the past twenty minutes at least so I would say it's a pretty sure bet that whoever you are waiting for isn't going to show."

"I'm not waiting for anybody." Porter answered angrily.

"Right, oh and next time you are busy _not_ waiting for someone I'd try looking less like a cop."

Before Porter has time to respond he catches sight of Olivia marching towards his car. He quickly jumped from the car and ran to meet her halfway.

He grabs hold of her arm and pulls her onto the sidewalk.

"What the hell are you doing? You're supposed to stay in the car."

He sighed and ran his free hand through his hair.

"You've just ruined this whole operation."

"Me? You're the one that just spent the last five minutes talking to him."

Porter's eyes grew wide as her words set in.

"What? That.....that was him?"

Porter turned around and frantically searched the sidewalk for any sign of Rook, there were none. He was about to give up when he caught a glimpse of him behind a parked car and quickly turned to run towards him.

"Fuck."

Porter quickly turned back round to find Olivia holding her stomach.

"Liv are you okay?"

"Mmm just a...."

A car door slammed and suddenly caught both of their attention. Looking up they spotted Elliot storming towards them.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Porter spat at Olivia, instantly forgetting her pain.

"Shut the fuck up Porter." Elliot snarled as he pushed past him and pulled Olivia towards him.

"Baby what's wrong?"

"Nothing El, one of them just kicked a little too hard that's all." She quickly informed him while rubbing her stomach gently in an effort to calm them.

"Go get back in the car Honey, I'll just be a second."

Olivia sighed, she didn't want to leave but she was way too tired to argue so headed back towards the car.

"Did you honestly think I would let you use her as bait and stay behind at the precinct?"

"Yes because I damn well told you to. You disobeyed an order, I'll have your badge for this. You are the reason he got away."

Elliot smirked.

"Really because I'm not the one who has been talking to him for the last five minutes without even realising it."

Porter shoved Elliot back against the trunk of the car without any warning.

"You smug son of a bitch. You'll get what's coming to you one day, just you wait until she realises I'm the answer to all her dreams."

Porter let go of Elliot almost as quickly as he had grabbed hold of him and took a step backwards.

Elliot smirked.

"Hey Porter what does it feel like to hear her screaming my name while she cums?"


	17. Vulnerable

Elliot was half asleep as the warm heat from the apartment rushed out at him. It had been a cold morning and after waving Olivia off with Casey for a girls' shopping trip he had decided to take a walk.

It had been a stupid idea, it was freezing and the wind caused his already blurry eyes to water. Somehow he had thought that the cold would be able to make him feel alive again because let's face it, recently he just hadn't been himself.

Porter had been back in their lives for approximately twelve days too long. He hadn't left after the complete failure of luring Merritt to them and now he was cooking up some new idea to catch him. A new idea that involved using Olivia as bait once again.

The pure thought of it scared the life out of Elliot. Olivia was getting bigger by the day and her energy was flagging at an all time low, there was no way she could defend herself if anything went wrong.

He was sure that Merritt wouldn't hurt her, he'd had many opportunities to do so already and had never taken the chance but if something went wrong. If he felt like it was his only option then he hated to think what might happen.

The thing that bothered him more though was Porter. He had already demonstrated how cold he was and how feelings didn't matter. He had already demonstrated that he would pull the trigger without a second thought.

That was what truly scared Elliot Stabler.

The fact that he might lose the only good thing in his life to Dean Porter.

He would never take the shot that could end her life.

He would never take the shot that could end his children's lives.

But Porter would.

Porter would pull that trigger as easy as opening his eyes each morning.

Elliot couldn't let things get that far, no he wouldn't let things get that far.

Olivia was as mad as hell at him, in fact she had hardly spoken a word to him after his confrontation with Porter. He had failed to notice that Olivia was standing behind him as he threw insult after insult at the man he despised.

To make matters worse in a fit of rage he had made a stupid comment, he could kick himself for letting the words escape from his mouth.

"You sure are putting a lot of effort into defending him. Next you'll be telling me he's their father!"

She'd slapped him, in fact she'd slapped him twice. It hurt but not as much as the pain that pulsated through his chest.

He had deserved it and if he could turn back time he would, in fact he would do anything to make it right. He held her afterwards until she cried herself to sleep in his arms.

He smiled a little to his self as he remembered her trying to pull away but almost immediately giving into his warm embrace. They had a control over each other and a constant ache for one another. Although she was mad at him she still wanted him, she still needed him and Elliot took immense comfort in this.

He sighed and rubbed his face before walking back into the apartment. He jumped as he walked into the lounge and saw the small figure sitting in an arm chair. All thoughts that were previously occupying his mind quickly scattered out, leaving him feeling empty and vulnerable.

"How the hell did you get in here?"

"Nice to see you again too Elliot."

"You shouldn't be here."

"I had to come. I had no choice. I could hardly stop by the precinct now could I?!"

"I suppose you have a point but what are you doing here? Liv told you to stay away."

"Oh so she told you. I hoped she would, I don't like it when you two have secrets. Anyway I think you'll find she said if SHE ever sees me again she'll arrest me and last time I checked she wasn't here."

"Okay smart ass, let's get this over with."

" I've noticed that things between you seem strained recently."

"No shit Sherlock," Elliot sighed as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Is it a coincidence that this coincides with the arrival of one FBI agent Dean Porter?"

"No coincidence at all and it's your fault he is here." Elliot answered angrily.

"That is a fair point but I didn't know, I didn't know he would come here. I underestimated him just like I once underestimated you."

"Why did you do it Merritt? What were you thinking? I'm not going to buy any crap that you didn't realise she was an FBI agent undercover." Elliot's voice was raised with a hint of anger radiating through it.

"He's sleeping with her."

"Who?" Elliot's eyes widened in shock.

"Porter, it seems he has a thing for women undercover. I knew exactly who she was and that's why I did it. I wanted to humiliate that bastard like he tried to humiliate you two on so many occasions. I wanted him to pay, I just didn't count on him being stupid enough to turn up here."

"Well now he's here and there's no sign of him leaving."

"What if I could make him leave?"

"You're offering to turn yourself in again?"

"No," Merritt paused. "I'm offering you a way out. I'm offering a way out from the darkness that so obviously possesses you right now."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"The stress isn't good for Liv. Despite what you think, she needs him gone more than you do."

Elliot doesn't really trust him but he'd do anything for Olivia, anything at all.

"So what do you propose?"

"I have a friend that owes me a favour, he's already going down for an unrelated crime. He is going to admit to the phone call and I am going to be on my best behaviour until it all blows over."

"Why would your friend do this for you? He could go away for a long time. No he will go away for a long time beings an FBI agent was involved."

"It's a possibility but unlikely, he has no previous convictions apart from the one previously mentioned which I must add is nothing major. Plus I will be hiring Langan as his defence, he's good right? I mean if I wasn't a wanted person I'd represent him myself, we both know how good I am at that."

Elliot couldn't help but laugh, secretly he liked this guy.

"I'm not sure Porter will fall for this."

"Oh I know he won't but when all the evidence points in that direction what else is there for him to do? I'm not a stupid guy Elliot. I know he will turn this upside down which is why my friend actually did do it. I got him to read from a slip of paper, he used his own phone. Of course we withheld the number, didn't want to make it seem too obvious."

"What's in this for you?"

"I get to see you two happy. You deserve it, you proved that you will go to the end of the world for each other and beyond. People like you deserve to be happy. After he has gone I will turn myself in. I'll walk into the police station and confess to my crimes. They can't charge me for the fast food phone call but they can charge me for what I did to you. It's only fair that I spend my time in jail."

"And if he doesn't leave?"

"Oh he will, there's always plan B if needed."

"Do I even want to know what plan B is?"

"No, I think it's safer if you don't."

"You should go, a patrol car drives past every hour."

"I'm very aware of that and you're right I should leave before it's due but I need to tell you something else. You're children are playing on Olivia's mind a lot, they are unhappy and deep down she is blaming herself."

"She told you this?"

"No, she didn't have to. When we met Lizzie was here with Eli, she was very upset. I selfishly used that to my advantage to get Liv to meet me and for that I am sorry. They aren't happy with your ex-wife Elliot, she is too busy with that boyfriend of hers to be interested in them. Olivia and yourself should be more active in their lives. Dickie is dying for some Father and son time and we both know that Eli adores Olivia."

"Is it really that bad for them?"

"I don't know. I don't watch them, I spend my time around here watching from a distance. I only know because they came here and I saw their upset faces and I heard the distress in Olivia's voice when she answered the phone. You're a good Father Elliot but Kathy is doing everything possible to discredit you."

"I'm a good Father." Elliot stated, more to convince himself than to convince Merritt.

Merritt stood to leave and began to make his exit before stopping in the doorway.

"Oh and Elliot you're going to be needing a bigger apartment."


	18. Damaged

"Liv, what do you think about this?" Casey asked while holding up a tiny yellow baby dress.

"Yeah great."

"Olivia are you even listening to me?"

Casey looked up and saw Olivia staring out of the shop into the mall walkway.

"Liv Honey?"

After receiving no answer Casey reached out and gave Olivia's arm a gentle squeeze causing her to jump slightly.

"Jesus Casey!"

"I was talking to you and you weren't responding!"

"I'm sorry I didn't hear you."

Olivia continued to stare out the window.

"Are you okay?" Casey asked with worry etched into the features of her face, while trying to work out what had attracted her friend's attention.

"I'm fine, I just really need to pee. Can you take the bags while I go?"

"Sure but I'll wait outside."

"No no you stay here and keep looking. I won't be long."

Olivia headed off towards the restrooms and threw a causal look towards a man sitting on a bench to her left. Shortly after Olivia disappeared around the corner Casey noticed the man get up and walk in the same direction. Feeling worried for her friend she wanted to go after them but knew Olivia would be fuming.

She sighed to herself and decided that if Olivia wasn't back in five minutes she would go and look for her.

"I can't believe you are following me."

"Olivia you haven't left me much choice. Look I want to help you, just tell me where he is and we can get this over with."

"How many more times Dean, I have no idea where he is but you know what? I wouldn't tell you even if I did."

"And that is the reason I'm following you."

"Why are you still here? A guy confessed. You have everything you need to close the case."

"You know as well as I do that he didn't do this. It was Merritt."

"No it wasn't and I wish you could see that and get the hell out of my life."

"What happened to us Olivia? We used to trust each other."

Olivia couldn't help but laugh.

"You can't be serious?! You lied, you covered up murders. You followed me and Elliot, you used us to get what you wanted. What we had is damaged....beyond repair."

"I didn't have a choice."

"That's right because our feelings don't matter."

Dean sighed and reached out to stroke her arm.

"Liv do you still care for me?"

Receiving no answer he gently pulled her towards him.

"I'll leave but only if you come with me. I can save you Olivia, I can help you find the home you've been seeking all your life."

"You get the fuck away from her."

Casey stormed towards the two of them and pulled Dean's hand off of Olivia's arm.

"What the hell do you think you are doing? Haven't you caused enough damage?!"

"Case....."

"Liv don't." Casey shouted as she shoved Dean against the wall.

"This is a private conversation Ms Novak."

"I don't give a fuck what you think this may or may not be. Come on Liv we're going."

Casey took Olivia's hand and hastily walked away.

"Olivia think about it please." Dean shouted after the two women.

Once they were in the comfort of Casey's car Olivia finally spoke.

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough and I'm going to pretend I didn't notice the hesitation or the lack of an answer. I don't know what the hell is going on with you anymore Liv."

"Elliot and I are having some issues."

"Right so you're going to run away into the sunset with Dean? To a life of butterflies and fairytales." Casey scoffed.

"Of course not. I just..... I just want this all to go away."

Silence filled the car and Casey can't help but feel uncomfortable. She loved her friend with everything she had but sometimes she just wanted to hit her.

"It's getting close to Christmas so you and Elliot need to sort out these differences."

"What does Christmas have to do with anything?"

Olivia hates Christmas, it holds nothing but heartache for her and she wants nothing more than to sleep through the whole thing.

"Christmas is a time of happiness, or loving and of families. You want your first Christmas with Elliot to be special don't you?"

Olivia sighed and turned to look out the window.

"Can we just go home, please?"

*******

Olivia turned the key in the lock and was surprised to hear voices coming from inside the apartment. She dropped the bags by the door and quietly walked towards the lounge, stopping just out of sight so she could listen to the conversation.

"Dad I can't stay there anymore."

"Lizzie she's your Mother."

"I know that and I love her but she's making us miserable. Mark's always round and he hates us, he hates us all especially Eli. I just want to make things okay for him Dad."

"I'm sure Mark doesn't hate you all, he just needs time to get used to you. Just like you need time to get used to him."

"There's still time to save Eli from all this."

"Honey." Elliot sighed. "Now is not a good time."

"Why? Is Liv okay? There's not something wrong with the babies is there?" Panic etched into the young girl's voice.

"The babies are fine."

"You shouted at her again didn't you? I can't believe you Dad. She's the best thing that ever happened to you and you are hell-bent on throwing that away." She shouted at him.

"You should know by now that sometimes I lose my temper and say things that I don't mean. Liv knows that and she just needs time to get over it. Her hormones are running wild at the moment."

"Do you love her Dad? I mean really love her?"

"Of course I do, you know that."

"Then why are you sitting here instead of being out there looking for her?"

"Liz she hasn't left me, she's just gone shopping with Casey."

"Oh." She smiled at him, feeling a little embarrassed.

Lizzie looked towards the chair in the corner that housed her sleeping brother and let out a huge sigh.

"Look why don't you talk to your Mom. Just give her another chance."

"Why are you defending her Dad? You don't want us do you?"

Tears cascaded down her cheeks and Elliot reached out for her but she moved away.

"You know that isn't true. I love you guys and I would do anything for you but you have to give her a chance. I can't take you from her."

"I hate you."

Liz ran from the room but ran straight into Olivia in the doorway. Olivia's arms quickly wrapped round the crying teenager and she gently stroked her back.

"Its okay sweetheart, you let it all out."

"Liv I..don't..."

"You don't have to baby. You can stay here for as long as you need to. I'll set the spare room up for you later."

Lizzie snuggled her head into the crook of Liv's neck and clung to her as if her life depended on it. She felt her Father's presence and sighed hoping that she wouldn't be the reason for their next fight.

"Your Father loves you very much and he just wants what's best for you. Being here in this tiny apartment with us isn't going to be easy Honey, you won't have the space and the quiet you have at home."

Olivia paused and kissed the girl's head.

"I'm not saying we don't want you here because we do but you have to understand what it'll be like. Your Dad doesn't want to cause you any unnecessary pain."

"That's right." Elliot smiled at his girlfriend and daughter and gently placed his hand on the teen's back.

"Where's Dickie?"

"He's at soccer practice. I kinda hoped that Dad would say yes straight away so I told Dickie we would pick him up."

Olivia smiled and turned Lizzie to face her before wiping the tears from her face with her thumbs.

"Well why don't you and I go shopping to get some bedding so that everyone is comfortable tonight then we'll go get Dickie. In the mean time maybe your Father can go and talk to your Mom."

"No I don't want to be too much trouble. I can go home."

"Sweetie it's no trouble at all. Go get your brother in the car, we'll take your Dad's beings he has a car seat in for him. I'll meet you down there."

Lizzie picked up her sleeping brother and took the keys from Elliot before disappearing from the apartment. The sound of the door closing caused Olivia to turn to Elliot.

"Liv I don't want to fight anymore."

"Me either. I know why you tried to persuade her to go home and I appreciate it El but your children come before me, always. It's going to be cramped and if this is a permanent thing then I have no idea how we are going to cope with this space once the twins arrive. But we'll make it work, we always do."

"God I love you." Elliot muttered before claiming her lips with his.

"Are we okay?" He questions.

Olivia smiles and cups his cheek.

"We're okay. I'll see you later, good luck with Kathy."

"Thanks and you behave with the kids." He smirked as he playfully smacked her backside as she walked away.

*******

"Phwoar now that is one hot Mamma!"

"Dude she's like ready to pop."

"Yeah but I'd still do her."

"Man me too, I'd tap that."

"What about you Dickie?"

Dickie turned around to focus his eyes on what had caught his friend's attention. He cringed as he saw Olivia waiting on the sideline. She waved at him and he waved back before quickly turning back to his friends.

"You know her?"

"Yeah she's my step-mom so keep you're distasteful comments to yourself in future!" He gritted out.

The whistle blew saving him from any more uncomfortable conversations and he ran back to take his position on the field for the rest of the game. After the game he quickly ran over to Olivia.

"Hey Liv."

"Hey Bud. Good game?"

"S'pose."

Liv smiled and rested her hand on his back as they walked to the car.

"Your sister told us about things at home."

"I told her not to, I told her there isn't room for us but she doesn't listen. She never listens."

"Honey its okay. It'll be a little crowded but we can make it work."

"Liv?"

"Yes?"

"I love you. You always go that extra mile for us. I've lost count of the amount of times you've been there for us and the amount of times you've saved Dad. So thank you."

"No thank you needed, that's what family is for."


	19. Confrontation

Elliot kicked his shoes off just inside the apartment door and walked at a steady pace towards their lounge, he stopped just short of the doorway and listened to his children laughing and joking on the sofa.

"You are such a dickhead!" Lizzie laughed.

"Talk about the pot calling the kettle black." Her brother sniggered in response.

"Wow Dickie, just wow."

There was seriousness in her tone but he knew she was only pretending to be offended. They were always messing around like this but recently they had taken their anger out on each other. Being out of the home environment that they had come to hate had, had an instant affect on them. They were back in a place they enjoyed, a place where they could enjoy each other's playful insults without taking them to heart.

"Liz?"

"Yeah?" She looked up questioning her brother with her eyes.

"Do you think we should go home?"

"Because of Liv you mean?"

"Yeah. I....shes tired Lizzie and she needs to rest. She shouldn't be running around after us. We can't get to school from here, not easily anyway and you know she'll insist on driving us every morning."

Lizzie sighed.

"I shouldn't have told them. We didn't really give them a choice."

"You're not going anywhere."

The twins looked up at the doorway and found their Father leaning against the frame.

"Dad, hi."

"Hi." He smiled.

"Did you hear that whole conversation?" Dickie asked.

Elliot nodded.

"I appreciate your concern but there's nothing to worry about. Everything will work out just fine and if you think Liv is going to sit in this apartment all day without you here you've got another thing coming."

The twins laughed because although they didn't know everything about Olivia they knew the three important things.

She is independent which leads to an inability to sit still for longer than five minutes.

She has been running all her life and it's their job to keep her grounded this time.

And thirdly and most importantly.

She loves them, no matter what.

"Where's Liv?" Elliot asked.

"She went to put Eli to bed but he wouldn't settle so she came out and said she was going to lie down with him for a bit. That was over an hour ago. I went to check and they are fast asleep." Dickie informed his Father.

Elliot looked at his watch and sighed. It was only seven o'clock.

"Did you speak to Mom?"

"No. She wasn't there. I'll try again tomorrow."

"Where have you been all this time?" Lizzie asked.

"I went for a walk and then stopped for something to eat. Have you guys eaten?"

"Yeap Liv ordered us pizza. There's some left if you are still hungry."

"No I'm good. Did Olivia eat anything?"

The twins looked at each other both trying to avoid the question.

"She didn't did she?"

"She had half a slice. She wasn't hungry Dad."

Elliot sighed.

"Okay. I'm just going to check on her and then maybe we could watch a movie together?"

"Sure!" Dickie exclaimed, secretly excited at the prospect of spending quality time with Elliot.

Elliot walked into the bedroom and smiled at the sight before him. His youngest son was curled up next to Olivia with his small hand splayed across her baby bump and his head resting on top of it. Olivia's arm was wrapped protectively around his small body and they were both sound asleep.

Elliot walked over, placed light kisses on both their foreheads and pulled the blankets back up around them before heading back to his other children.

Dickie, Lizzie and Elliot were so engrossed in the film that they were watching that they didn't notice Olivia quietly leaving the apartment at a little after nine.

***

Olivia knocked loudly on the door and waited quietly in the rain for almost five minutes before the woman finally answered the door. She was more than a little shocked to find Olivia standing there.

"Olivia, I didn't expect it to be you."

Olivia smiled gently.

"Can we just talk please? You don't have to let me in, just listen."

"I'm not going to leave you standing out here in the rain. Come on in. Go through to the lounge, I'll just get you a towel."

"I'm fine really. There's no need."

The woman ignored her and quickly came back with a towel so that Olivia could dry herself from the rain.

"I know Elliot came to see you earlier but..."

"He didn't."

"Oh."

"But we've been out all day. Lizzie sent me a text saying that they were staying at yours tonight. Is something wrong?"

"No it's just they told us some things about how unhappy they are right now."

"They don't like Mark." Kathy sighed.

"Look Olivia I know you think I am a bad Mother but I love my children."

"Kathy I don't think you are a bad Mother. You're just trying to find happiness again and create a stable future for them." Olivia smiled gently.

"Why are you so understanding after everything I said about you? I'll never understand that. I tried to turn my children against you and all I did was push them even closer."

"You were hurting and made a mistake. Everyone deserves a second chance."

They sat in silence for a few minutes again before Olivia spoke.

"I understand why you hate me Kathy, I honestly do and I can't say I blame you. Elliot and I went about this all wrong. We should have told you about our plans to get pregnant before we did it. I'm sorry."

"How long have you been seeing him? Before our marriage was over?"

"No. I swear we never did anything until after you were divorced. There were feelings there, there always has been but we never acted on them. We didn't get together until a couple of months ago."

"Do you think I'm a fool? How far gone are you now? Six...seven months?"

"Almost seven but we didn't sleep together. He donated."

Kathy went quiet and shook her head before laughing.

"You two are officially the biggest screw ups I know."

Olivia laughed with her.

"Yeah we made a pretty big mess of all of this. I don't want to mess this up anymore though. The kids can stay with us for as long as they wish but you are their Mother and despite what they are feeling right now they will always need you in their lives. I'm not trying to take them from you Kathy."

"I know and I honestly appreciate what you are doing. God knows I don't deserve it."

"I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for them. I love those children and I just want them to be happy. I want you to be happy too Kathy."

Kathy smiled.

"And I will be. I know you and Elliot are going to be okay. I think you might have been made for each other."

Olivia was unsure of how to reply to something like that so ignored it completely.

"I just want you to know that I never wanted to be the other woman or the reason he didn't come home. Unintentionally maybe I was but there was absolutely no cheating going on."

"I believe you." Kathy whispered so quietly that Olivia almost didn't hear her.

Olivia stood up slowly and made her way to the door, she stopped once she reached it in order to give Kathy a gentle smile but it ended up coming out as more of a grimace as a pain pulsated through her stomach.

"Olivia are you okay?" Kathy asked as she quickly reached the woman's side.

"I'm fine. Honestly it's nothing."

"I don't think you should drive home. I'll ring Elliot."

Olivia grabbed Kathy's wrist.

"Please don't. I'm fine."

"If something happens to you on the way home Elliot will never forgive me."

"Nothing is going to happen and Elliot isn't going to even know I was here."

"You aren't telling him about our conversation?"

Olivia sighed.

"No because he wants to be the one to do this. I just wanted to set things straight between me and you. He'll lose his temper if he thinks I did it all for him."

"I still think I should call Elliot or at least drive you home."

"And I still think it's unnecessary."

Olivia rubbed her hand over her belly in circular movements.

"You are just as stubborn as he is."

"I think I would agree with you there."

***

"Daaaaaadddddyyyyy."

Elliot quickly turned towards the door to see Eli standing before him. His tiny fingers clutched onto his blanket and his arm cradled his blue bunny to his chest.

Olivia had given him the bunny soon after he was born and now he wouldn't be without it. He dragged it everywhere with him and liked nothing more than rubbing one of the ears against the side of his face.

"Hey Buddy what's wrong?"

"Where Livvie go?"

Elliot chuckled slightly at his son.

"She's in bed sleeping which is where you should be right now."

"Livvie gone."

"Well she's probably just gone into the bathroom then. Let's get you back in bed."

"No she not there!" Eli stomped his foot and began to cry.

"I look, she not there."

"What?" Panic rushed through Elliot's veins as he ran into the bedroom and looked around.

Elliot heard the phone ringing in the lounge but ignored it as he punched the wall in the bathroom.

"Dad? Your phones ringing." Dickie shouted.

Elliot walked back into the lounge and took the phone from Dickie.

"She's not here. Eli come on back to bed. Lizzie, Dickie can you both share the spare bedroom tonight please."

"You can't seriously expect us to sleep now." Lizzie moaned.

"You don't have to sleep but please just go into the room, while I take this call."

Elliot grabbed his crying son and hurried back to the bedroom. He placed him on the bed and answered the phone.

"Hey Casey. You haven't seen Liv have you?"

"No not since this afternoon."

"Shes gone out without telling everyone and I have no idea where she is."

"Shes probably with him." Casey sighed.

"What do you mean she's probably with him?"

"Dean, he's having her followed just in case she meets with Merritt. I'm worried shes going to run."

Elliot could hardly speak, all different scenarios were running through his head.

"Elliot I'm sure she is just taking a walk or something. Have you tried ringing her?"

"No but I will, thanks for calling Casey."

Elliot hung up and tried calling Liv but received no answer. He got into bed with Eli and had to lie with him for almost an hour before he finally stopped crying and drifted back off to sleep.

***

Olivia quietly closed the door after her at ten til twelve and plodded down the hallway. As she walked into the living room the lights suddenly came on and she almost had a heart attack right there and then.

"Jesus Christ El. You scared the hell out of me."

"Where have you been?"

"I just wanted some fresh air."

"So you sneaked out without telling anyone you were going?"

"You all looked so engrossed in the movie. I didn't want to ruin that. I knew if I said something you would want to come too."

"And you didn't want me to come?"

"Elliot don't be like this please. It's not that I didn't want you to, I just wanted you to spend time with the twins. Once these two arrive time like that will be limited."

"You need to tell me if you are going out."

"What did you just say?" Olivia raised her voice now unable to remain calm.

"I said you need to tell me if you go out."

"Like fuck I do. I'm not your possession Elliot."

"I just want to know where you are. I spent the last two hours going crazy wondering where the hell you were. I rang you five times Olivia, five God damn times and you didn't answer, not once. Eli woke up crying for you, it took me over an hour to get him back to sleep and the twins won't go to sleep until they know you are okay."

He shouted at her, he hadn't meant to get so angry but he couldn't help it. It was in his nature and he only got this angry because she meant everything to him. Normally Olivia would scream back at him twice as loudly but the anger was causing a different feeling inside of her. A feeling she couldn't ignore, an increasing fire between her legs.

Before Elliot even had time to register what the hell was going on her lips were pressed against his and her hands were making quick work of undoing the buttons on his dress shirt.

"Liv. Baby..."

"Don't talk Elliot just fuck me."

Before he had time to respond her hand was in his boxers and closing tight around him. As her lips connected back with his he unintentionally began thrusting into her hand.

Olivia grunted and pushed him backwards before walking to the couch. She kneeled on the couch with her back to him, quickly pulled down her sweatpants and thong in one swift movement then leaned over the back of the couch slightly, lifting her ass in the air towards Elliot.

"What the hell are you waiting for?" She questioned without even looking back at him.

Elliot didn't move and Olivia groaned at his lack of cooperation.

"El I need you inside of me right now."

He didn't need to be asked twice, he was immediately behind her pulling his pants down and freeing his erection from his boxers. He grabbed her hips and pulled her ass higher up towards him. Without hesitation he thrusted his dick straight into her.

Olivia let out a scream as he entered her and thrust backwards to take all of him, spreading her legs a little wider allowing him to slip in deeper.

"Fuck El, faster."

Elliot went harder and faster but not too fast, despite his aggravated state he was still concerned about hurting her.

"Fuck me like you've never fucked me before."

Elliot knew it was the hormones and the anger talking but fuck it turned him on. He thrusted into her harder while reaching round and grabbing at her ample breasts through her shirt.

"Fuck yeah baby." Olivia moaned as she threw her head backwards.

"God Liv you feel so good."

"Fuck me like you'll never see me again."

Elliot immediately stopped thrusting and let go of her breasts before pulling out of her completely.

"What the fuck Liv?"

Although he was no longer inside of her she could feel his dick resting against her ass, she reached her hand back and guided him back into her pushing her ass back into his pelvis, doing all the work for him.

Elliot stood frozen to the spot, he couldn't believe she'd just said that to him and he suddenly started questioning where she had been earlier all over again. He remembered Casey's phone call and her words and suddenly he felt empty.

_I think she might run...._

Olivia continued to move against him as she felt her orgasm sweep over her, she moaned and continued to move until Elliot released himself inside of her. He hadn't wanted to but it was out of his control.

He was still inside of her when Eli appeared in the doorway. He didn't even notice him until Olivia cursed under her breath and quickly moved forward so that he slid out of her. He was so grateful that the back of the couch shielded his son's eyes from what they had been doing.

"Hey little man." Olivia reached her hand over the back of the couch and stroked his face softly.

"Are you mad?"

"No baby, nobodies mad."

"I hears shouting."

"No one was shouting."

"Oh, I needs cuddles." Eli exclaimed before starting to walk around the couch.

"Wait there one second Sweetie."

Olivia quickly reached behind herself and pulled her underwear and sweatpants back up before climbing off the couch and ushering Eli out the door.

She stopped and looked back at him.

"El."

"Elliot." She called sternly.

"Huh?"

She motioned her head towards his state of undress and rolled her eyes. Elliot shook his head and quickly tried to right himself as she walked out of the room.

* * *

**Honestly don't kill me for that, I promise there isn't another fight coming I just need El to feel a little unstable ahead of what's coming up in the next chapter. I'll try and finish it asap and possibly have it up tomorrow or at the weekend! **


	20. Crush

**I'm trying to be quicker with updates while I have the time. The next chapter though will probably take some time, it'll either be one long chapter or split into two chapters. I'm off to start now. This chapter isn't fantastic it was basically just a filler chapter until the next event. **

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* * *

  
**

When Olivia woke up at three am she realized that Elliot had not come to bed. She sighed and made her way into the lounge to find him. He was laid out on the couch staring at the ceiling, even in the darkness she can tell he was crying.

"El baby what's wrong?"

He didn't bother to answer and continued to stare at the ceiling as if she wasn't even there.

"Why didn't you come to bed?"

Again he didn't answer. Olivia tried to bend down beside him but found this position extremely hard to get into in her current state.

"Elliot please sit up. If I get down on my knees I won't be getting up again."

"I'm sure I could find you something to do while you are down there."

They both smirked in the darkness and Elliot began to sit up.

"You Elliot Stabler are one naughty guy."

"You know you would enjoy it."

Olivia laughed.

"I don't think that will solve our problems right now."

"Funny because it seemed to solve everything for you earlier."

Olivia sighed and sat down between his parted legs, leaning back to rest against him. His hands immediately slipped under her tank top and his thumbs gently brushed against her soft skin. Olivia rested her hands on his forearms and rubbed her thumbs up and down matching the movement of his on her stomach.

"Are you leaving me?"

"What?" Olivia asked clearly shocked at his question.

"It's a simple question Olivia." Elliot sighed.

"Why are you suddenly asking this?"

"Because Casey called me and told me about Dean. She told me how you let him get near you, how he asked you a question and you didn't shoot him down in an instant. How do you think that makes me feel?"

He felt Olivia tense against him and tried to stop his tears from falling.

"Hes following me and I don't know how to get him to stop."

"Why are you avoiding the question?"

"I'm not. I don't want him El, I never wanted him. He was just a substitute for you. You are the only one my heart has ever desired, nothing in the world could change that."

"Are you leaving me?" He whispered once more.

"Do you want me to?"

"God no Liv you are everything to me, I couldn't breathe without you."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Elliot smiled and stroked her stomach with his whole hand as he felt one of the babies kicking beneath his hand.

"Do you think they'll look like me?"

Olivia laughed.

"You mean like the rest of your kids look like you?"

"They were lucky they didn't get stuck with their old man's looks but I think the luck might be running out."

Olivia rested her hands on top of his and smiled.

"I hope they look like you. I want them to have your eyes."

"That's unlikely Liv, brown is dominant over blue."

"I know that but there are always exceptions to the rules and we've never been ones to follow the rules."

Elliot sucked on her neck gently causing a low moan to escape from her lips. She shuffled against him trying to get comfortable.

"Uh baby you gotta stop moving if you want to get off this sofa tonight."

"Why?"

Elliot moved slightly and Olivia felt his hardness pressing against her ass.

"Oh." She laughed and scooted forward.

"Go back to bed baby, you need some sleep." Elliot said sternly.

Olivia got up and took his hand to pull him up and go to bed but he soon slipped his hand out of hers.

"You're not coming?"

"You go ahead. I'll be there in a minute."

"Alright." She whispered as she leant down and gave him a kiss on the lips.

As she walked towards their bedroom she heard the muffled voices of the twins coming from the spare room. She knocked gently on the door before walking in.

"What are you two still doing awake?"

"Sorry Liv we didn't mean to wake you." Lizzie answered quickly.

"Oh Honey you didn't. I was just talking to your Dad and heard you guys talking on the way back to my room."

Olivia sat down on the bed and tucked a lose strand of hair behind Lizzie's ear.

"Can't sleep huh?"

"We were worried about you." Dickie informed her.

"There is absolutely no need to worry about me okay? I'm fine."

"Where did you go earlier?"

"I just had a few things to sort out. I'm not going to run I promise. Now you two get some sleep otherwise you won't be waking up in time for school tomorrow."

Olivia gave both the twins a kiss on the forehead and pulled the blankets up around them before heading back to bed herself. She couldn't help but smile as she snuggled up under the covers, this time last year she had given up hope of ever being a mother and now she suddenly had everything she ever wanted plus more.

***

"How about this one Dad?" Kathleen asked while pointing to a bracelet in the cabinet.

"No I don't think that one is right. It's nice but it's not what I'm looking for."

Elliot had never felt more out of place in his life, he was standing in a department store with all five of his children. They had one thing on the agenda for the day and so far they had failed miserably. This was the tenth store and they had been looking for almost four hours.

Looking for Olivia's Christmas present was much harder than Elliot had ever imagined it to be.

"Can I help you?" Elliot looked up at the smartly dressed assistant and smiled, secretly thinking that she had way too much make-up on.

"We're just looking thanks."

"Looking for that something special for the wife for Christmas huh?"

Elliot shifted Eli from one hip to the other and forced another smile before looking back at the display cabinet in front of him.

"I would think with you lovely lot she has everything she needs this Christmas."

Elliot looked at his children, Maureen was yelling down the phone at an ex boyfriend who couldn't let go, Kathleen was playing with her bubblegum, twirling it around her finger before putting it back in her mouth. The twins were punching each other over who was going to sit in the front on the way home and Eli was busy picking his nose and wiping it down his Father's shirt.

Elliot laughed and couldn't help thinking that they couldn't be any more dysfunctional if they tried.

"She is a very lucky woman."

"No, we're the lucky ones believe me." Elliot smiled a true smile this time and signalled for the children to follow him from the store.

The next store brought no hope neither did the store after that and Elliot was more than ready to give up when Eli tugged on his arm.

"Daddy Livvie want that one!" He threw his arm forward and his little finger pointed towards a shop window display.

Elliot took a step closer to the window and the kids gathered round excitedly.

"Which one buddy?"

"Dat one." He pointed again.

"Wow that is beautiful." Maureen exclaimed.

Elliot was totally speechless as he gazed into the window.

"Livvie want that one." Eli reminded his Father.

"Good spot bud." Dickie told him as he ruffled his hair.

"Liv is going to love that so much, you have to get it for her Dad." Lizzie told him hurriedly.

"Alright but the rest of you won't be getting Christmas presents for the next ten years at least."

"But I wants a boat." Eli protested.

The remaining four Stabler children laughed at their little brother and hurried inside the store to take a closer look.

Almost thirty minutes later they all piled into the car after managing to get the present at a discounted price. Once everyone was strapped in Elliot turned the key in the ignition and headed for home.

***

Olivia answered the phone on the fifth ring while trying to settle the active babies that seemed to be playing soccer inside of her.

"Case?" She answered somewhat breathlessly.

"Hey Honey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Olivia breathed.

"You don't sound fine."

"I just over did it a bit."

"Where are you all? I've been ringing the apartment for the last hour."

"Elliot took the kids out somewhere so I thought I'd head out to get his Christmas present."

"How's that going?"

"Badly. I've got something for all of the kids but nothing for El. I have no idea what to get him."

"Maybe some new shirts?" Casey offered as a suggestion.

"Casey he has enough shirts to last a.....Jesus."

"To last a Jesus? What the hell does that mean?"

Casey could hear Olivia groaning slightly and began to panic.

"Liv are you okay?"

"Yeah fine I just wish these damn babies would settle. I swear they are wrecking my insides." Olivia tried to laugh.

"Where are you? I'm coming to get you."

"You don't have to. I'm just walking to the car, I've had more than enough for one day."

Casey was about to answer when she heard his voice in the background. She grabbed her bag and keys off the table and ran out of the Starbucks she was currently sitting in.

"You're with him? I don't believe this shit. Are you insane?"

"Case I'm not with him I swear. The asshole still has me under surveillance."

"Yeah well you tell him to get his sorry ass away from you or you are ringing the police."

"Oh and that's going to make the slightest bit of difference."

"Olivia enough with the attitude, it's like you don't want to get rid of him."

Casey rounded the corner and spotted her friend across the street, the idiotic FBI agent standing by her side. She was about to cross over when she noticed him standing not ten feet away from them, hidden from their view by the moving crowd.

"Oh this just gets better and better." Casey sighed into the phone.

"What are you talking about?"

"Merritt's in the crowd behind you."

Olivia sighed and hung up the phone before turning back to Dean.

"It's over Dean."

"What?"

"Anything we might have had in the past, it's done. It's finished."

"You don't mean that." He shouted.

"I do. We aren't right for each other."

"Do you still love me?" He asked her although he was pretty cocky and was sure he already knew the answer.

"No. I've never loved you. I was attracted to you yes but nothing more. I love Elliot and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and that life doesn't include you."

"You selfish bitch. You used me to satisfy an itch?"

"I'm sorry Dean, I never meant for that to happen. I did have feelings for you but I realize now that it was just a crush."

"Well consider me well and truly crushed." He spat at her.

"Dean I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Yeah well you should learn to keep those legs of yours shut!" He shouted at her in disgust before pushing his way through the crowd.

Olivia looked up to find Casey standing in front of her. Casey took the bags from her and offered her a weak smile before motioning in the direction of her car.

The Journey back to the apartment was silent. Olivia didn't want to talk about Dean anymore and she didn't want to have to deal with Casey's questions. Luckily for her Casey sensed this and kept quiet.

Olivia watched the rain dancing down the window of the car and closed her eyes wishing that Dean Porter would somehow get washed out of her life.


	21. Hate

**As usual I do not own any of the characters, I only wish I did.**

* * *

It was Christmas Eve and Olivia sat behind her desk at the precinct. She'd gone on maternity leave a month earlier but after dropping the twins at school each morning and taking Eli to Kathy's she would always end up back here. Eventually Cragen agreed that if she was going to come in and sit there all day then she might as well get some paperwork done.

She was glad of the distraction. When she was sat at home alone all she could do was think about was Dean. At work there was normally something going on to keep her mind occupied. Whether it was a case that she wasn't supposed to be involved in or Munch's latest conspiracy theory. She didn't mind what it was as long as it kept her mind from wondering.

She sat with her legs propped up on the desk and thought about her apartment. She was used to it being quiet and peaceful but recently it was so different. It was full of noise. She wasn't complaining, she actually enjoyed it but it was taking her a lot of getting used to.

Elliot and the kids were all there in that very apartment waiting for her to get back yet she still sat there staring at file after file. She was supposed to leave over an hour ago.

She had never liked Christmas. Sometimes she wondered if she ever would.

She had just put the last bit of her banana in her mouth when Elliot's desk phone rang. She ignored it at first thinking that Munch and Fin would walk in any minute and one of them would answer it or that it would be Elliot questioning why she wasn't home yet.

After a few more rings she gave up and leant across the desk to answer it.

"Benson."

"Oh um...I was looking for Detective Stabler."

"He isn't here at the moment. Can I take a message?" Olivia asked.

"No I'm a cop out in the Bronx and I found an abandoned car. It belongs to Agent Porter and I found Detective Stabler's details in the glove compartment. I thought I better give you guys a call."

"Where are you?" She questioned.

"Just off Morris Avenue."

"Stay where you are and I'll have someone out to join you asap."

"Thank you." The voice replied before hanging up.

Olivia put down the phone and flipped the banana skin into the bin before heading out the door. She passed Cragen on the way and muttered something about needing the restroom again. He smiled and continued onto his office. He wasn't about to question a pregnant woman about her restroom visits.

She paused by the locker room for a second questioning whether she should grab her vest or not but she figured it wouldn't fit her now anyway so she carried on and slipped into the elevator unnoticed.

She got in the car that she now struggled to drive due to the size of her bump and headed towards the Bronx. She noticed the rookie standing between his car and Dean's but carried on driving towards some warehouses a bit further out. She pulled up behind one and cut the engine before reaching for her gun.

As Olivia walked into one of the warehouses she heard scuffling to her left and raised her gun. She couldn't explain how she knew that this was the right place apart from a feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Dean?" She called gently.

She walked further into the darkness. The only light shining through was from a window up ahead on her right so she kept walking in that direction.

She knew she was crazy to be doing this, she knew that it was very likely a set up and that she would probably come to regret every step she had just taken.

"Dean?" She called again a little louder, praying he would answer her.

Some glass cracked beneath her feet and looking down was the biggest mistake she could have possibly made. Before she had chance to look up again her gun was flying out of her hand and she was being pulled into the opening.

"What the hell are you doing?" She spat at Dean as he tightened his grip on her arm.

"What the fuck are you doing here Olivia? I asked him to call Stabler, God damn it!"

"So he is in on this too huh? Why did you want Elliot here?"

"Don't play dumb Liv, you know as well as I do why I wanted him here."

"You're never going to let this go are you?"

"You're mine Liv and I won't let another man bring up my baby."

"Dean." Olivia sighed.

"Shut up, I've had enough of your talking. God Liv you shouldn't have come, I didn't want to have to hurt you."

"Don't you hurt her you son of a bitch." A voice sounded from across the room.

It was then that Olivia noticed him for the first time. His lip was split and blood oozed slowly from the wound. One hand was handcuffed to a pipe behind him and his jacket thrown in a heap at his side.

"He wasn't supposed to be here either." Dean snarled.

"But he couldn't keep away. Its damn lucky I spotted him in the darkness before he spotted me."

"Let him go, he has nothing to do with this." She pleaded.

"I knew you were protecting him. It's a good job I had you followed."

"This is about me and you, nobody else needs to be involved. Come on Dean please."

"This stopped being about me and you the moment you started fucking Stabler!"

"I'll stop. I promise just let him go."

Dean placed his gun against Olivia's stomach and rested his finger on the trigger. Olivia whimpered and tried her best not to cry.

"Look me in the eye and promise me. If you lie to me, I'll pull this trigger."

"Dean I promise you. I'll do anything just leave him and Elliot alone."

Dean was silent for a few minutes as he seemed to consider the idea. Really he was just trying to make Olivia sweat a little.

"No deal. They both made fools out of me. I'd be happy to let one go but I get to choose and I'd choose him." He nodded over to Merritt and Olivia couldn't help but cry.

Dean pulled the gun away from her stomach and sighed loudly.

"I'll leave with you, I'll do whatever you want. Please Dean."

She gently stroked her thumb up and down his forearm but he quickly lost his temper and pushed her away. He had pushed her a lot harder than he had intended to, causing her to fall to the ground.

Her body hit the ground with a thudding sound which made him cringe.

"Olivia? Jesus Christ what the hell did you do that for." Merritt shouted.

"Olivia?" He called again while trying to move against his restraints.

"Don't talk to her." Dean shouted as he made his way over to her.

He lifted her head and she blinked up at him. He sighed in relief that she was fine and got out a pair of handcuffs. He handcuffed her hands behind her back knowing that the chances of her being able to get up without the use of her hands were slim.

"You two have fun while I go and deal with Stabler. Don't try anything stupid."

Dean grabbed Olivia's gun from the floor and headed off in the direction of the doorway Olivia had entered the building through. Merritt waited until he was sure that Dean was gone before calling out to Olivia.

"Olivia?"

Merritt shifted and tried to reach out for her with his free hand but she was too far away.

"I'm fine." She sighed as she tried to sit up.

"You're heads bleeding."

"It's fine, just a little cut. I'm good."

"We have to get out of here before he gets back. Before he gets to Elliot."

Olivia looked at him and shook her head.

"I can't get up, I'm not strong enough."

"It's okay, he didn't search me. I'll get us out of this."

Olivia watched as he removed his shoe with his free hand and pulled out some wiring from within it.

"I don't know if this will work but we can try. I really need two hands."

"Wait. If I can get over to you, I could try to help."

"No you stay there." He called to her but it was too late she was already shuffling along the floor towards him.

When she reached him several minutes later he helped her sit up at his side and put a piece of wire into her hand, directing it into the keyhole of the handcuffs while he used the other piece of wire to try and manipulate the lock.

Olivia couldn't see the handcuffs behind her and she felt so helpless not being able to help more. She closed her eyes and although she didn't believe in God she sent him a silent prayer, a prayer for her babies lives.

She heard a click and seconds later Merritt was free and fiddling with her own handcuffs. He helped her out of them and then tore a piece of cloth from his shirt before holding it to the cut on her head.

"Go get Cragen."

"No way, I won't leave you here."

"I'm fine Merritt. Just go."

Olivia pulled her cell phone out of her pocket in disbelief that Dean hadn't taken it. There was no signal.

"Take this. You might be able to get a signal on the way."

Olivia handed him the cell phone and took over applying pressure to the cut on her forehead. Merritt pulled his Jacket around her shoulders and promised he would do his best to save Elliot.

"I'll follow you, I just want to check something out first."

"I can wait." He pleaded with her.

"No there is no time. I'll be alright."

Merritt nodded and quickly disappeared into the darkness.

"Cap did Liv go home?" Fin questioned as Cragen walked out of his office.

"I would imagine so. She was heading to the restroom as I came in. I assumed she decided to go home after that."

"Then why is her bag still here?" Munch said as he looked up from his coffee.

"Oh God." Fin muttered as he ran from the room and towards the restrooms.

"Liv?" He shouted as he barged into the ladies and opened every stall.

Cragen and Munch soon ran in behind him but the room was empty.

They walked back into the squad room and gathered around Elliot and Olivia's desks. They were just about to call one of them when the phone on Olivia's desk started ringing. Cragen quickly picked it up.

"Cragen."

He listened intently to everything the caller was saying before slamming down the phone and turning to his detectives.

"You need to get to Olivia's apartment now. Dean is on his way there and he wants blood."

"Who was that on the phone?" Munch asked.

"Merritt Rock."

"Cap we can't trust his sorry ass." Fin exclaimed.

"We have to. We cannot risk their lives on a hunch. Go to the apartment and if Olivia and Elliot are both there and there's no sign of Dean then at least we can sleep easy tonight."

"Sure thing cap. I'll take her bag back to her too." Fin said as he grabbed the bag off the table.

A pounding on the door distracted him from the movie he was watching with the children and he got up to answer it. As soon as the door opened Fin and Munch came flying through and ran into the living room.

"Is everyone okay?"

"What the hell is going on? Everyone is fine." Elliot said, slightly annoyed at the intrusion.

"I knew that idiot was playing us again." Fin clenched his fists at his side.

"What's going on Dad?" Lizzie questioned.

"Where's Liv?" Dickie quickly questioned afterwards.

Fin and Munch looked at each other and their faces fell.

"You mean she isn't here?"


	22. Shaken

**These chapters are coming to me pretty quickly recently but I'm not sure how long that will last so enjoy the quick updates while you can.**

* * *

Elliot looked at his friends and frowned. He had absolutely no idea what was going on and then he noticed Olivia's bag in Fin's hand and the panic set in. She never normally carried a bag with her but recently she was having cravings all day and had a bag full of snacks as well as various baby catalogues to browse at.

"She is supposed to be at work but she isn't is she?" Tears were already falling down his cheeks.

"We got back in from questioning someone for the Jefferson case and the squad room was empty. She told Cragen she was going to use the rest room and she didn't come back." Munch stated.

"Did you check she wasn't still in there?" Elliot was frantic with worry now.

"Of course we did. Jesus Christ Elliot we're not stupid." Fin spat at him.

"Then where the hell is she?"

"I dunno man she left her bag." Fin said as he handed him the bag.

Everyone stared at each other waiting for someone to come up with an idea. Just as Dickie was about to speak Merritt came running into the living room.

"Oh Thank God you're all okay."

Fin went to grab him but Elliot quickly placed a hand on his chest to stop him.

"Have you seen Liv?" Elliot questioned as their eyes met.

"Yes. I didn't tell Cragen on the phone. It was a set up, Elliot you were supposed to answer the phone but Liv did and she turned up at the warehouse."

He stopped to take a deep breath as the running had worn him out.

"I wasn't supposed to be there either but I didn't trust him so I've been following him. The last few days he's been sneaking around. I followed him to the warehouse a couple of days ago and then I saw him meeting with a cop yesterday so when I saw him leaving the car I tried to call you. Unfortunately he grabbed me before anyone answered and then Liv turned up."

"Where is she now?" Elliot asked.

"At a warehouse just off Morris Avenue. She made me leave her. I told her I would stay but she said I needed to get to you. She wanted to check something out then she was going to follow me back here."

"How long ago was that?" Fin asked.

"About an hour ago. She should have been here by now."

His face instantly fell in realization.

"Oh God. Agent Porter isn't here is he?! He was never coming here that's why he didn't bother to search me or take Liv's phone. He stayed in the warehouse all along."

"Omg." Maureen exclaimed as she wrapped her arm around one of her crying sisters.

"Munch you stay here with the kids, you two come with me." Elliot ordered.

"He ain't coming with us." Fin exclaimed.

"He is the only one who knows where exactly she is, he has to come with us." Elliot spat in anger.

Fin shrugged in defeat and the threesome ran from the apartment down to Fin's car before speeding off into the night.

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

Olivia only managed a few steps before she felt the intense pain and sunk back to the floor.

"God no, not now please."

She closed her eyes, gritted her teeth and rested her head against the cold wall as she waited for the pain to pass.

Olivia knew Dean was there before she could see him, she sensed him through the darkness. The light through the window was dimmer as the night had long since set in and she suddenly felt cold. She wrapped her arms across her chest and waited for Dean to make his presence known.

"You knew?" Dean questioned as he sat down beside her.

"I had a hunch. Dean you've gotta help me out of here, I'm in labor." She breathed out.

"So now you are going to pretend you're in labor to get me to walk away. Wow Liv that's cheap."

"I'm not pretending."

"Why should I believe you? You've lied to me all along."

"Don't blame all this on me. You played your part. Just go home, you'll never get what you came here for."

"I already got what I wanted. You risked Elliot getting hurt to stay here with me. Actions speak louder than words." Dean smirked.

"I didn't risk anything. I sent Merritt to get help for Elliot. I knew you weren't going to hurt him."

"I want to. I want to watch every last bit of blood drain from his body. He stole you from me but he hasn't won Olivia. I will have the last laugh."

Dean moved in closer to her and leant forward to give her a kiss. Olivia allowed him to move in and managed to free his gun from his hip before kicking him as hard as she could between the legs.

"Jesus Christ. Fucking bitch." Dean spat while clutching at himself.

"Did you really think I was going to let you touch me again?! It was bad enough the first time, you were damn lucky I was too horny to realize my mistake. I had my eyes closed the entire time so that I could imagine it was Elliot moving on top of me."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Even pretending didn't work, I mean you are as bad in bed as you are at kissing."

Dean stood up and headed towards the door.

"Where the hell are you going?" Olivia called after him.

He ignored her and continued to walk away.

"Dean stop. I need you to promise me I won't see you again."

"I'm not going anywhere. I want to see his reaction when he finds out." Dean smirked.

"Son of a bitch."

"I'm just going to clear some things away before we get going."

"I'm not going anywhere with you." Olivia promised him.

"You don't have a choice. I gave you a choice and beings you couldn't decide on your own I am making the decision for you."

Olivia pulled the gun up from her side and took the safety catch off, this caught Dean's attention and he took a step closer to her.

"Please you really want me to think that you're going to shoot me? You care about me too much to pull that trigger."

"I wouldn't count on that."

Dean laughed and Olivia fired a single shot into his leg, watching him fall to the ground in agony.

"Like I said Dean it's over. You should have killed me when you had the chance."

Dean rolled over to face her while clutching his leg.

"I can't believe you just did that. Fuck Liv. He's changed you."

"No Dean you changed me, you made me no longer give a damn what happens to you. I didn't want to have to do this but you left me no choice."

Olivia managed to pull herself up from the floor and head towards the door before the next pain hit her. She looked back at him and sighed.

"Tie your tie around your leg it'll stem the bleeding before the ambulance gets here."

Dean looked at her dumbfounded.

"Where are you going?"

"To the damn hospital, I'm not giving birth in some grotty warehouse."

Olivia stumbled through the door and out into the open air, she collapsed back against the wall to try and catch her breath before trying to get to her car. She was zoning in and out and was totally unaware of her surroundings until she heard Elliot frantically calling her name.

Within seconds both Elliot and Fin were at her side and Elliot was pulling her towards him, he brushed her hair away from her sweaty forehead and placed a kiss there.

"Thank God you're okay Baby. I was so worried."

"El?"

"Yeah babe?" He looked at her questionably.

"I'm in labor."

"What? How long?" He asked frantically.

"For a few hours I think. I didn't realize, I thought it was just them kicking about. I'm so sorry El."

"Hey there's nothing to be sorry about. Let's get you to the hospital."

"Dean is still inside somewhere."

"I'll go look for him. Wait where did that son of a bitch go?" Fin questioned while looking around.

"Who?" Olivia asked in confusion.

"Merritt." Fin answered as he headed towards the warehouse.

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

Merritt pulled Dean into a small crevice as he heard the warehouse door open and footsteps heading their way.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Porter muttered under his breath.

"Making sure that you never hurt her again." Merritt spat.

"I have every right..."

"Not anymore you don't."

"You can't keep me away from her. If she wanted me gone she would have killed me."

"She couldn't kill you and keep her job. Maybe she thought scaring you would be enough but I won't take that chance."

Merritt clamped his hand over Dean's mouth and dragged him a little further into the darkness as he heard Fin calling out both their names.

"She got you pretty good huh? I thought you would have learnt by now not to mess with Olivia Benson." Merritt chuckled quietly as he heard the warehouse door close once again.

Fin came running back out and helped Elliot get Liv into the back of the car.

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

"Son of a bitch isn't there, he must have legged it and God knows where Merritt is. I think he took off too."

Olivia frowned but had no time to answer before another pain ripped through her abdomen. Elliot sat and held her as Fin frantically drove through the city with the sirens blaring. He whispered words of reassurance in her ear as she tried to remember to breathe.

Two hours later and Olivia was becoming frustrated. They had put her in a side room as soon as they arrived and a doctor had checked her over before disappearing. No one has been back to talk to them since. The pains had stopped and she already felt a million times better.

The doctor walked back in with a clipboard after Elliot had vented his anger at the nurses' station.

"You are not in labor Olivia." He informed her.

"What do you mean I'm not in labor? It hurt like hell, I'm pretty sure that isn't normal." Olivia spat in return.

"You were having Braxton Hicks contractions, sometimes these can be painful and make you think that you are in labor."

"So I'm not in labor?" Olivia sighed.

"Not yet." The doctor smiled.

Elliot sighed a sigh of relief and stroked Olivia's arm tenderly.

"So everything is good? I can take her home?" Elliot asked.

"From the check-up everything looks fine. You can get back home to your family to enjoy your Christmas."

Olivia shook her head and got up off the bed. Elliot slipped his arm around her and nodded to the doctor as they left the room.

"Are you okay? You seem a little upset that we're not going to be parents tonight." Elliot asked.

"I'm okay. I'm just thinking that I'm not going to get away with not getting you a Christmas present now."

Elliot laughed and kissed her cheek.

"I got everything I need for Christmas right here baby."

They smiled at each other and walked out of the hospital and into the Christmas Eve night hand in hand.


	23. Perfect

**My muse is quickly fading, I'm really struggling with the next chapter but hopefully things will change and it won't take me too long to have it finished :-)**

* * *

Everyone fussed around Olivia the moment her and Elliot got through the front door. Kathleen quickly ran to the kitchen to get her a drink and something to eat, Maureen shoved the twins off of the couch and following being evicted from their comfy seating the twins proceeded to clean up some of the mess they had made in the lounge. After making sure Olivia was seated comfortably on the couch they all gathered round firing a hundred and one questions at her.

"Is your head okay?" Maureen asked rapidly.

"Do you need some aspirin or something?" Dickie asked.

"She can't have anything like that! It might harm the babies." Lizzie scolded him.

"Yeah...I knew that. I was just testing. Can I get you anything?"

"Are you cold? Do you need a blanket?" Kathleen asked as she entered the room with a glass of orange juice and a sandwich for Olivia.

Amongst all the chaos Eli dragged his blanket across the floor and climbed up onto the sofa before snuggling up in the crook of Olivia's arm. He leant up and placed a quick kiss on her cheek before snuggling back down.

"I love Livvie." He muttered sleepily.

Olivia smiled and pulled him closer to her body while kissing his forehead gently. Those words were all see had needed, she just needed to feel at home once again.

"I love you too little man." She whispered into his soft blonde hair.

"Wow way to steal the thunder Eli." Maureen laughed.

Eli pulled a confused face and shook his head.

"Mo Mo crazy."

Everybody laughed at the toddler who still looked awfully confused at the whole situation while he took a bite of the sandwich his sister had just handed Olivia.

"Are you sure you're okay? Maureen asked as she sat down in one of the arm chairs across the room.

"I'm fine Sweetie, really I am."

"So did you catch that guy? Porter or whatever his name is?" Dickie questioned excitedly.

"Not exactly. It's a really long story and I'm a little tired, maybe I could tell you some other time."

She really had no intention of telling them about the night's events and hoped that they would soon forget. Elliot sensing her discomfort stepped in to save her.

"That's enough questions guys. It's about time you all went to bed."

"But it's only eleven." Lizzie whined.

"Ah huh and if you want Santa to leave you all presents you'll have to go to bed." Elliot mocked.

"Dad come on we all know that....."

"Hey. Little person in the room." Olivia reminded them as she pointed to Eli.

"Ooops sorry." Lizzie giggled.

"Santa bring my boat?" Eli asked without even bothering to open his eyes.

"What's with his sudden obsession with boats?" Dickie muttered as he picked up a toy truck from the floor and threw it into the toy box.

"No idea but he's going to be disappointed in the morning." Lizzie sighed.

"Come on everyone time for bed."

The kids all gave Olivia a hug before venturing off to their sleeping places for the night. The situation wasn't ideal, the girls were all sleeping in the spare room and Dickie had the sofa. No one really enjoyed the arrangements except from Eli who loved sleeping in the 'big big bed' as he so lovingly called it.

Elliot leant down and scooped Eli up into his arms. He carried him into the room with Olivia following close behind and placed him in the middle of their bed. He gave Olivia a quick kiss before going to check that the rest of his children were settled for the night.

Elliot returned to the bedroom to find Olivia laying in bed with her tank top pulled up to just under her full breasts, the material did little to conceal them and he had to struggle to control his body. Her hands were placed on her stomach gently rubbing circles across the stretched skin.

"Everything okay beautiful?" He asked as he stripped down to his boxers.

"Just perfect." Olivia smiled up at him.

Elliot shifted Eli over to the far end of the bed and slipped in next to Olivia. He placed his hand on top of hers and leaned in for a kiss.

"You really are." He muttered into her neck.

"What?"

"Perfect, you really are perfect."

Elliot moved down slightly and placed light kisses on her stomach while she stroked a hand through his short hair.

"El, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For the last few months, for everything I've done wrong."

"Liv the past isn't important, all that matters is we found each other."

Olivia smiled and blinked to clear the few stray tears from her eyes.

"We should get some sleep. The kids will be up early tomorrow."

"I guess so." Elliot groaned before moving back up beside her and wrapping an arm protectively around her.

Elliot was just falling asleep when he felt his son's little body climbing over him.

"No fair. I sleeps in the middle!"

Olivia laughed as Eli wriggled in between them and then spread out using Elliot's chest for leverage. Deciding he didn't have enough room he pushed his feet out to make Elliot move over.

"Oh I see, you only love Daddy when you want something. The rest of the time I'm not needed huh?"

"Shhh Daddy we sleeping."

Olivia chuckled in the dark and was very grateful that Elliot couldn't reach her. She felt his glare through the darkness but knew he was only pretending to be offended. She smiled and allowed her eyes to close, thinking that maybe, just maybe she might enjoy Christmas this year.

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

"Livvieeeeeee up!!" Eli squealed.

Olivia opened her eyes to find Eli jumping up and down on the bed with his bunny tucked safely under his arm.

"It's Christmasssssssss. Up time!"

"No Baby it's sleep time." Olivia muttered before closing her eyes again.

"Mommyyyy upppp." Eli tugged at her hand that was resting on the pillow.

Olivia's eyes snapped open.

"What did you just say?" She questioned.

"Uppppppp!" He exclaimed.

Olivia sighed and convinced herself that she had just imagined things, the little boy had not just called her 'Mommy' and she hated herself for being disappointed. She would never be his Mother and she shouldn't wish for him to call her that, after all he already had a Mommy.

"Come on sleeping beauty, time to get up." Elliot laughed as he leant down and kissed her forehead.

"What time is it?"

Olivia's voice was edged with sleepiness and Elliot smiled at how cute she looked snuggled up amongst the blankets of their bed.

"Seven but everyone has been up for over an hour. I thought the excitement was supposed to die down once they hit ten but it seems they are all just as excited as Eli."

"How about we tell them Santa is a little caught up and can't get here until ten?"

"Santa been! Santa been!" Eli jumped up and down harder on the bed.

"I guess not." Olivia yawned.

"You can go back to bed afterwards, I promise." Elliot offered as he pulled her up from the bed.

"Oh I plan to." She whispered against his neck.

Eli jumped off the bed and pushed past them while screaming "Yayyyyyyy" at the top of his voice.

"You feeling okay?" Elliot asked her in concern.

"I just didn't sleep well that's all. They've been playing soccer or table tennis or something all night!"

"I'm sorry Baby. If I could help somehow I would."

Olivia laughed and pinched his bottom.

"Oh you'll be helping me later that's for sure."

"What's happening later?"

"You're helping me get these babies out."

Olivia walked off into the lounge to watch the children open their presents leaving Elliot standing dumbfounded, rooted to the spot.

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

Wrapping paper was everywhere and Eli was having just as much fun playing with it as he was playing with his new toys.

"Hey Buddy I think Santa left you something else." Liv informed him as she pulled a piece of wrapping paper away from him, he had been wearing it as a hat.

"Whereeeeee?" He squealed as he ran in the direction Olivia was pointing in.

Eli ripped the paper off in record timing and jumped up and down excitedly.

"I gots a boat, I gots a boat!!!"

Elliot frowned not remembering buying him it, he tried to catch Olivia's eye but Eli was soon at his Father's feet holding his brand new red toy boat.

"Wow Bud, isn't that cool?"

"Yep, yep. I needs a bath."

"Oh God." Dickie laughed and rolled his eyes at his little brother.

"If you let him get in the bath you do realize he'll never get out now he has a boat to play with don't you?" Maureen asked her Father.

"Um Eli how about we give Olivia her present now? The one Santa left for her."

"Santa didn't buy it, Eli buyed it!" Eli frowned at his Father.

Olivia laughed and ruffled Eli's hair.

"You bought me a present?"

"With Daddy's pennies!" He informed her while nodding his head.

"What he means is he chose it but Dad paid for it." Lizzie smiled.

"So if you hate it, it's all Eli's fault." Elliot laughed as he passed her the gift.

"That's it El hide behind the defenceless child!"

Eli climbed onto the sofa next to Olivia and offered to help her open it. She agreed and watched him intently as he made quick work of removing the paper.

She couldn't help but laugh as he placed the black box gently in her hands as if it might break if he held it any tighter. Slowly she opened the box and immediately started crying.

"Uh oh." Eli pulled a face at Elliot and Elliot tried to hide his disappointment.

"We can take it back Liv, we'll get you something else. Anything you want."

"No....Oh El, it's beautiful."

Elliot smiled his trademark Stabler grin and moved closer to help her put it on. Olivia ran her fingers over the shiny metal and figured that this was probably the best Christmas present she had ever received.

It was a simple gold bracelet, everything about it was simple yet beautiful and it was perfect. The perfect length, the perfect width and the perfect fit. She couldn't believe that the people in front of her actually knew her that well. It would have been something she would have chosen herself.

"We got it engraved underneath." Kathleen told her.

"Yeah check it out, it's pretty cool." Dickie nodded.

Elliot undid the clasp and Olivia took the bracelet back out of Elliot's hands then turned it over, her breath caught in her throat.

_**For you are our savior and we are yours**_

"I don't know what to say....it's....I'm speechless." Olivia whimpered.

Elliot did the clasp up so that the bracelet encased her wrist once more. He leaned in and claimed her lips with his, momentarily forgetting that all his children were in the room.

"Yuckyyyy!" Eli giggled and pulled a face while trying to push his Father away.

An hour later and everyone had finished opening all the presents. The children loved all the gifts that Olivia had chosen for them and Elliot wondered how she seemed to know them better than he did himself but then he remembered that Olivia Benson was born to be a mother.

Elliot and the older Stabler children were busy in the kitchen making the dinner and Eli was busy chatting away to Olivia about his new boat. Olivia however wasn't really listening, she was lost in her own little world thinking that today was all just a dream and that she would wake up at any minute.

"Mommyyyy you no listen to me." Eli prodded her arm.

"Huh?"

"You no listen." Little tears filled his eyes.

"Aww Baby, I'm sorry."

"S'okay Mommy." Eli whispered casually as he carried on playing with his boat.

Olivia frowned at her heads ability to hear things that were never really said. She blamed the hormones, they were wreaking havoc on both her body and mind recently. Elliot watched her from the doorway and knew what was running through her mind, he smiled and then coughed loudly to announce his presence.

"You know he's been calling you Mommy for weeks right?"


	24. Strain

**Ok so sorry that this chapter took a little longer to write but I have already started the next one so that should probably be up in a few days time, maybe even tomorrow. Also, Pixie has kindly suggested some baby names, if anybody else has any suggestions please let me know. **

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"Baby I don't think this is working." Elliot sighed as Olivia sunk back down onto him.

"Are you saying you don't like making love to me?" She frowned as she stilled her movements against him.

"Of course not. It's just we've been trying all afternoon and I don't think they want to come out yet."

Olivia sighed and began moving again, placing her hands on his chest to help her. Elliot groaned and lifted his hips to meet her each time.

"Maybe we should try another position?"

Olivia climbed off him and laid down on her back on the bed. Elliot moved and walked to the end of the bed. He parted Olivia's legs before taking hold of her hips and pulling her towards him, she reached for his hardened cock and quickly guided him into her entrance, moaning as she felt him filling her.

Elliot moved slowly at first, very cautious that he might hurt her but then he saw the questioning look in her eyes, inviting him to go ahead. He began to thrust harder, pushing so that his pelvis hit against her stomach with every thrust, and every time it happened, she moaned his name loudly. It was such a beautiful sound to him, it made him fall in love with her even more.

"Oh, God, fuck yes." Olivia panted as she gripped the bed sheets tightly in her fists.

"You like that baby?" Elliot smirked as he thrust in harder.

"God yes! Right there baby! God don't stop." She cried out, getting closer and closer to losing control.

Elliot thrust again while reaching up and massaging her breasts with his rough hands.

"Fuck." Olivia moaned.

She threw her head back and lifted her hips up as much as possible, arching into him. The combination of him inside of her and his hands on her sensitive breasts was all too much.

Olivia screamed his name as another thrust pushed her over the edge. She wrapped her legs around him tight, holding him in place as she rode out her orgasm. Elliot continued to move inside of her, the tightness of her walls as they constricted around his dick caused him to moan her name over and over.

"Let go baby." Olivia whispered as she loosened her grip on the sheets.

She let go of the sheets completely and gently stroked his forearms which were resting either side of her body. Elliot leant forward and gave her a gentle kiss as he continued to thrust into her at a much slower pace than before.

"Just let go." She whispered in his ear, the softness of her breath against his skin pulled him even closer to the edge.

"God, Liv." Elliot grunted as he released inside of her several minutes later.

Elliot stilled inside of her and leant in for a kiss. Olivia parted her lips slightly and allowed him to slip his tongue in. Their tongues danced in unison for several minutes before Elliot pulled away and climbed back onto the bed, laying down beside her.

"That was incredible." He breathed out.

"It sure was, but it didn't work."

Elliot laughed and kissed her hand.

"They'll come out when they are ready baby and not a moment before."

"Maybe I need a curry." Olivia muttered.

"It's Christmas Day Liv, nowhere is going to be open."

"You could make me one." She turned to face him and raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah and then you would be in the ER with food poisoning not giving birth."

Olivia laughed and rested her head against his shoulder.

"Your cooking isn't that bad El."

"Well it may be a damn sight better than yours but my cooking talents do not extend to curry."

Olivia chuckled once more and playfully slapped his chest in response to him insulting her cooking. She wasn't mad, it was hard to be mad at him when he was absolutely right. Her cooking wouldn't earn her many points in a competition but she quickly realized that things would have to change. She'd have to learn to cook with all these children to feed.

"Elliot?"

"Yeah baby?"

"Please don't take this the wrong way but I think it's time the kids went home. Home for good."

"This is about Eli calling you Mommy isn't it?"

"No…Yes….God El I don't know. I just don't want to be the one that takes her children away from her. She loves them and…and I'm not their Mother."

"She knows. She knows Eli calls you Mommy and she doesn't mind Liv. She loves that the kids have someone else they can talk to, someone who loves them just as much as we do."

"I just think it's for the best El. I love them you know that. I love them more than anything but I've destroyed your family enough as it is."

"That's bullshit Liv and you know it. Plus I have something to tell you. I didn't want to tell you today beings its Christmas and all but I guess I have to now."

"What the hell is going on?" Olivia questioned with panic in her eyes.

"When I dropped the kids back at Kathy's this afternoon, she asked me in to talk, to talk in private. So we went upstairs…."

Before Elliot could finish his sentence Olivia was pulling away from him.

"Fuck Liv. I didn't mean it like that. Jesus….nothing happened. We talked."

Olivia sighed in relief and quickly dabbed at the tears that were already falling.

"God baby, I would never cheat on you, never."

"I know…I just…it's the hormones." She said as she lay back down beside him.

"Anyway we talked and she asked me to take them permanently." Elliot said as his hand rested on her stomach.

"What?"

"She wants us to take them. Hell Liv I shouted at her and she screamed at me and we still didn't agree. She says she isn't giving up on them, that she just needs space to make things work with Mark. She'll take them whenever we need her to and she'll see them every week. She isn't abandoning them."

"Did you say yes?"

"No, I told her I'd have to speak to you first. It would only be the twins and Eli. Maureen and Kathleen will both be at college."

"Yes." She sighed.

"Yes they'll be at college or yes they can stay?"

"They can stay. I don't know how we are going to make this work but somehow we will."

"God I love you Liv, so fucking much."

Elliot crashed his lips into hers, pouring as much of his love as possible into it. Eventually they both drifted off to sleep thinking about what the rest of their life had in store for them. Of course there would be difficult times but as long as they had each other they would be just fine.

_**0-0-0-0-0-0**_

Several days had past and they were still no signs of the babies arriving any time soon. Maureen and Kathleen were both spending time at Kathy's before they headed back to college and the twins were coming and going as they pleased.

When Elliot walked through the door a little after seven pm he found Olivia sitting on the edge of the bathtub watching Eli splash around with his toy boat. He pulled down the toilet seat and perched on top of it.

"You have a good day at work?" Olivia asked as she smiled over at him.

"They found something at the warehouse." He replied blankly.

"They did?" She questioned while swishing her hand around in the water to make more bubbles.

"Yeah, they found some blood."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "I hit my head, Merritt split his lip. Finding blood is no surprise."

"Yeah but It wasn't your blood. It was Porter's."

"Oh."

Olivia could tell from the tone of his voice that he was pissed off and carefully tried to think of something to say that wouldn't annoy him further.

"Mommyyyyyy?" The little boy interrupted them.

"Yes Honey?"

"Pass me the truck please?" He smiled up at her as she passed it to him.

"Thanks."

"Liv?" Elliot prodded.

"Yes?"

"They want you to go to the station for questioning. They want us all there, me, you and Fin."

"Why? I already gave a statement."

"If Dean was hurt we all know Merritt couldn't have moved him from that warehouse in that short space of time. His FBI buddies are arriving tomorrow and they want blood. They think that Dean was already hurt and moved before we found you."

Olivia avoided looking at him and ran her hand through Eli's wet hair.

"You know something don't you?"

"Nobody moved him while I was there. He was there when I left, I don't know how Merritt moved him or if he even did. It was dark by the time you guys got there, Fin probably didn't see them. There would have been a period of time before back up got there in which to leave, which we are going to be in so much trouble for. We broke protocol leaving the scene, if you thought how Cragen reacted was rough the FBI are going to be a million times worse."

"Please don't lie to me Liv, I can't help you if you don't tell me the truth."

"That is the truth but there's something else you should know but not now, not in front of Eli."

Eli stuck his fingers in his ear "I no listen."

Both Olivia and Elliot laughed gently before their eyes finally met each other's and Elliot had a horrible feeling that he wasn't going to like what she had to tell him. Olivia's cell phone vibrated against the side and she quickly picked it up.

"Benson."

"Olivia it's me."

"Where the hell are you?" Olivia whispered as she got up and left the bathroom.

"I'm safe."

"Where's Dean? The FBI are coming to question me tomorrow."

"You don't need to worry about Agent Porter or the FBI." He muttered before he hung up.

"God damn it!" Olivia cursed as she threw her phone onto the kitchen side.

Walking back down the hallway she was met with Eli's screaming and she hurried into the bathroom. Elliot was trying to lift Eli from the tub and he was kicking and screaming.

"El, I promised him he could have another ten minutes. Please just leave him."

"I don't care what you promised him, he's been in there long enough. He's hooked you in already. He needs to know discipline."

"Don't take your anger at me out on him, he hasn't done anything wrong."

Elliot instantly let go of his son and stormed out of the bathroom slamming the door behind him. Olivia sat back down on the side of the tub and sighed lightly.

"Don't cry Mommy." Eli said as he reached his little hand up to try and wipe her tears.

"I'm not crying baby, just some water got in my eyes."

"I sorry."

"It's not your fault buddy, Daddy is just a little stressed today."

Olivia watched Eli playing with his boat for a few minutes more while she thought about the trouble she was going to be in tomorrow. She had shot Dean when he had been walking away, it wasn't in self defence and she couldn't lie about it. She wouldn't lie about it.

"You ready to get out little man?"

"Yeap!" Eli held his little arms up towards her.

"I can't lift you Sweetie. Here let me get you a towel."

Olivia got a towel and kneeled down a little spreading the towel over herself.

"You think you can be a big boy and step out into the towel for me?"

"Yep, yep!"

Eli leant against her and she helped him climb out as best as she could. Once he was pressed against her she wrapped the corners of the towel round him and snuggled him close to her, taking in the smell of his freshly washed hair.

"Good boy." She whispered as she helped him get dried off and into a clean pair of pyjamas.

_** 0-0-0-0-0-0 **_

"I shot him."

Elliot froze and turned around from the sink to find Olivia standing in the kitchen doorway. The soap suds dripped from his hands, down his pants and onto the floor.

"You what?"

"I shot Dean. I shot him in the leg."

"You killed him?" Elliot's eyes widened.

"No. I told him to tie his tie around his leg to stem the bleeding and then I left. I thought I was in labor."

"I would have killed the son-of-a-bitch." Elliot smiled at her.

"El, it's not funny. I didn't do it out of self defence. I did it to show him I was serious, that he needed to be out of our lives."

"Liv he had you trapped in a warehouse in the middle of the Bronx. He didn't leave you much choice, you had to shoot him to get out."

"I didn't have to."

Elliot walked to her and gently stroked her face.

"You did, you had to. To save our family, you had to shoot him. Where is he now?"

"I have no idea. I have no idea how he got out of there. God Elliot what are we going to do?"

Elliot held her close and kissed her hair.

"Everything is going to be just fine. You have nothing to worry about, I promise."


	25. The Third Guy

**Ok so I know where I want the next few chapters to go but I'm having trouble getting them there. I've almost finished with chapter 27 (but haven't written chapter 26 yet). Yes I skip back and fourth! But anyway I hope to have 26 and possibly 27 up this weekend. **

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Cragen walked into the 1-6 early, much too early for his liking. It wasn't even six am yet and he wanted to be back in bed for a few more hours before he had to start this nightmare of a day. He hated having the FBI interfering with their investigations especially when one of his own was involved. He had a horrible feeling that things weren't going to go to plan and he prayed to God that Elliot wouldn't get in the FBI's way.

Elliot Stabler was a good detective, one of the best but sometimes he took things too far. Cragen smiled at the memories of all the times he'd had to shout at his favorite detectives for over stepping the line. At the time he was far from smiling but looking back he wouldn't change things.

Except one thing...he would have noticed how close Benson and Stabler really were right from the beginning.

He switched on the lights as he entered the squad room with the intention of going straight to his office to prepare for the worst. He took several steps and then was alerted to Elliot's desk as he heard a chair squeak.

"Captain Cragen it's nice to see you again."

"I wish I could say the feeling is mutual."

"Well that isn't a very nice thing to say after all I've done for you."

"Excuse me?"

"I got your two favorite detectives together and here I am now about to help you out again."

Cragen shook his head and removed his jacket.

"How did you even get in here?....Wait a minute, I don't want to know."

"That's probably for the best. I hear the FBI are on their way."

"How do you even know that?"

"That isn't important. What's important is that I'm here to fix things."

"Right just how you fixed things between Olivia and Elliot?" Cragen said with sarcasm.

"Where has all this hostility come from? If you don't want my help…."

Merritt began to get up from the chair but Cragen raised his hand as a signal for him to stay right where he was.

"So how are you offering to help today?" He rolled his eyes discreetly as Merritt looked around the room.

"Agent Porter is fine. He'll be ringing his FBI buddies later on to confirm this."

"You really think they are going to accept this without seeing him?"

"Of course not, there will be a video link so that they can see for themselves that he is absolutely fine. He'll tell them there is nothing to investigate and your detectives can get back on with their lives."

"What's in this for you?" Cragen questioned.

"Why does there have to be something in this for me? People do not offer their help in order to gain something they desire."

"Unfortunately most people do Merritt and you know that so stop with the games and tell me what you want."

Merritt laughed and picked up a picture off of Elliot's desk.

"Cute picture."

"Merritt I'm being serious. The FBI will be here any minute."

"I know and I'll be here to talk to them. They'll want to question me no doubt."

"You are unbelievable."

"I also came to give myself up. You can't charge me for the fast food business again but you can arrest me for hurting Olivia. I never meant to but she moved and I cut her."

"You cut her?" Cragen's eyes widened.

"Oh she didn't tell you. Well it was an accident but I'm pretty sure the people will say it was an accident that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't kidnapped her in the first place, right?"

Merritt held his hands out in front of him.

"Arrest me for assaulting a police officer."

"I don't trust you Rook. I know you have something up your sleeve."

"My Job is done Captain, I achieved what I set out to do. I was always going to hand myself in."

Cragen was just putting on the handcuffs when two members of the FBI walked into the squad room.

"Captain Cragen, I trust that you are ready for us."

"We are. This is Merritt Rock, he was in the warehouse with Agent Porter. You can talk to him first. If you'd come this way."

He pointed towards the interrogation room but neither of them moved.

"Where is Detective Benson?"

"She'll be here soon." Cragen answered while sneaking a sideward glance at the clock.

Olivia and Elliot were already thirty minutes late.

"We'll wait. I want to speak to her first." The agent stated as he took a seat at the nearest desk.

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

Elliot slammed the bowl of cereal down on the table in front of Olivia causing her to jump slightly. She pushed it away from her and took a sip from her glass of water.

"For Christ sake Olivia, will you just eat something?" He spat.

"I told you I'm not hungry."

"I don't care, you need to eat. We're almost an hour late already."

"Then why are we wasting time here?"

Olivia saw the vein bulging at the side of his neck and knew she was pushing him too far. Everything had been fine until she hadn't felt like getting out of bed, he'd quickly lost his temper and stormed out of the bedroom.

He didn't usually lose his temper that quickly, not where she was concerned but he was stressed about today. She didn't blame him for that because she was stressed too and she felt nauseated but she wasn't sure if that was because of the FBI or something else.

Elliot poured milk into the bowl of cereal and pushed it back in front of her before sitting back down to finish his cup of tea. Olivia sighed and slowly got up, she grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl and her jacket from the back of the chair.

"Where are you going?" Elliot sighed.

"To get in the car." Olivia replied before taking a bite of the banana and then throwing it in the trash can.

The drive to the precinct was awkward. Olivia cried the whole way there, she didn't even know why she was crying but she knew she couldn't blame her hormones entirely. Elliot had reached out to her at the first red light but she'd shrugged him off and refused to look at him. As soon as he pulled up at the precinct she was out of the car and in the building before he'd even turned off the engine.

On entering the squad room she found Cragen standing by the interrogation room waiting for her. She had expected him to be angry but he wasn't, instead concern was etched into his features. Olivia immediately realized that he could tell she had been crying and quickly wiped her eyes in an effort to make it less obvious. She offered him a weak smile as she disappeared into the room.

"Nice of you to finally join us Detective Benson." Agent Croft said sarcastically.

"Yeah well maybe you should try being eight months pregnant with twins and having to haul your ass out of bed at six am." She spat in return as she sat down.

"Is there really any need for that attitude?" He raised his eyebrow and smirked.

Olivia hated him already and she was pretty sure her opinion of him wasn't about to change anytime soon.

"Let's just cut to the chase Olivia, we know that Agent Porter was hurt in that warehouse. If you tell us where he is, maybe we could come to some kind of deal."

"Why would I need to make a deal?"

"You're a smart woman Olivia so don't play dumb. It really doesn't suit you."

Olivia scoffed and turned away.

"Fine we'll do this your way. You tell me what happened or…" He paused as if he was trying to think of how to finish the sentence.

Olivia looked back at him as he leant over the table so that his face was just millimeters from hers.

"Or what?" She raised her eyebrow slightly.

"Or I'll make sure that you never even get to see your children."

He wanted a reaction and Olivia knew that, she sure as hell wasn't going to give him one. She yawned and stretched in her chair a little, trying immensely to look like his words hadn't bothered her in the slightest. In reality they scared the hell out of her.

"We know something happened to Agent Porter in that warehouse and we know that you are all covering for each other. We'll take this whole unit down if we have to."

"Yeah good luck with that." Olivia muttered under her breath as the door opened.

"We've just received a video link via email, its Agent Porter." Captain Cragen announced to the room.

The two FBI agents eyed him suspiciously before deciding the least they could do was to check out the link. They headed to the door but quickly turned back as they heard a chair scrape across the floor.

"You stay here. We haven't finished with you yet." The older agent informed Olivia.

As they walked into the room they could hear Dean's voice echoing through the speakers and see his face on the computer screen.

"Agent Porter?"

"Agent Croft. This is just a quick call in to let you know that I am fine. I need some personal time and have just spoken to the appropriate people at the office to set this in motion. You should receive a phone call soon informing you to return home."

"Why the video link? Why didn't you come here in person?"

"I'm not the SVU's favorite person right now, its better this way. I'm fine and no law breaking occurred in that warehouse. I'm sorry for the wasted journey."

The video feed phased out and Agent Croft found it difficult to hide his anger at traveling miles across state for no reason. He cursed under his breath as his cell phone rang, it was their boss, informing them that it was time to head back. He hung up and turned to Cragen.

"Well then it appears that we are leaving. I trust that we won't have to see each other again anytime soon." He grunted as he left the squad room.

"Why is Merritt sitting in interrogation room 1 in handcuffs? Where did you find that son of a bitch?" Fin asked as he entered the room.

"He was here when I arrived this morning, apparently hes giving himself up." Cragen replied.

"Right and what's the betting that it has something to do with needing an alibi? Cap that video was dodgy, we both know Porter was hurt in that warehouse."

"You don't know anything." Elliot informed him.

"Nobody bleeds without being hurt Stabler." Fin spat back in reply.

"That's enough." Cragen shouted over them.

"I'm pretty sure Merritt doesn't have the strength to move Porter if he was wounded." Munch said as he placed his coffee cup on the desk in front of him.

"There was a third guy in that warehouse." Fin stated to no one in particular.


	26. Tragedy

**So this chapter and the chapter that will follow this one are set at the same time i.e. As what happens here takes places the next chapter is taking place in a different location. I just need to tweak it a little and it should be up, possibly tomorrow!**

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Elliot was more than stressed, he was stressed, pissed and damn right irritable. After the FBI had left Cragen refused to let either Olivia or Elliot anywhere near Merritt. Fin and Munch had questioned him over the possibility of a third guy but of course Merritt didn't have a clue what they were talking about.

To make matters worse they had a new case, a guy was selling children for large amounts of money. Some were being sold to loving couples who were desperate for a baby and had run out of options and others were being sold as slaves.

Cragen wanted Elliot and a female officer from another precinct to go undercover. They knew who the guy was but they needed to catch him in the act otherwise they had no case.

"No way. I cannot and will not go undercover now."

"Elliot you know I wouldn't ask you to unless it was absolutely necessary."

"The only thing that is absolutely necessary is that I am at home with Olivia."

"I already arranged a partner for you from the 2-7. She'll be arriving this afternoon and I suggest you two go to dinner to get to know each other a little. You'll be meeting with Petrov at three pm tomorrow."

"Captain..."

"This is not negotiable Elliot." Cragen sighed as he headed back towards his office.

"I know why you are doing this. It's because of Porter isn't it?" Elliot shouted after him.

"This has nothing to do with him but beings you've brought it up, I know that some kind of cover up is going on here. I know that all of you know more than you are letting on and I don't care for the secrecy. This unit is a team, we work as a team and the moment that stops this unit will cease to exist."

"I've said all I can say on the matter."

"IAB are all over this and they will rip this unit apart if they have to. I hope you can live with that on your conscience."

"I don't see how this is our fault." Elliot hollered across the room.

"You broke protocol Elliot, you left a crime scene unattended. The chain of evidence is broken and you have left yourself open to suspicion."

"Olivia was in pain for fucks sake. I was supposed to leave her like that?"

"No Elliot but Fin could have stayed and waited for back-up. I know you guys, we've worked together for many years now and I know when you are holding things back. I can't help but wonder if one of you helped Merritt move Porter."

"I'm not listening to any more of this shit." Elliot shouted over his shoulder as he stormed out of the precinct.

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

Elliot arrived home just after nine pm, he threw his keys on the table and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Olivia was waiting for him at the breakfast bar.

"Hey, everything okay?" He smiled and went to kiss her.

Olivia pulled away and frowned.

"Where have you been?" Her voice was calm but held an apparent hint of disappointment.

"Cragen is sending me undercover and made me go to dinner with the officer I'll be working with."

"I didn't know you had a new case."

"It's not exactly new, they've just decided this is the only way to bring him down."

"So what does this undercover assignment entail?"

"Being a married couple and buying a baby. I'm not doing it."

"What do you mean you're not doing it?"

"Liv, once I'm undercover I could have to stay that way for days. If it doesn't go to plan it could be even longer than that."

"And if you don't go undercover loads more children will be exploited. What's wrong with you Elliot? The Elliot I used to know would be in there without a second thought."

"The Elliot you used to know didn't have a heavily pregnant girlfriend waiting at home." Elliot shouted and clenched his fists at his side.

"If you don't do this you are going to regret it and you'll blame me again."

"What do you mean again?"

"When Ryan died, remember how that was all my fault?" Olivia said as she got up and made her way to the sink.

"That is unfair. You know I DON'T blame you for that, I was upset and it was a mistake."

Elliot watched as Olivia cringed slightly and rubbed her stomach.

"Liv, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. We both know that isn't true. Go and ring Cragen and tell him that you'll be wherever you're supposed to be tomorrow morning."

"Baby are you sure you're okay? Come sit back down."

"I'm fine, I'm tired and I just want to sleep but I didn't want to go to bed before you got home. I was worried El, you could have phoned me."

"I was in such a bad mood, I just wanted to get it all over with. Dinner went on longer than I expected. I'm sorry."

Elliot got up and gently rubbed Olivia's back.

"Honey what's wrong? Are you in pain? Let's get you to bed."

"Stop treating me like a Child Elliot. The only pain I'm in is that being caused by you."

"I'm sorry, I should have called you. I should have done a lot of things but I was so angry."

"You should go and phone Cragen, make sure you apologize to him too." She told him as she moved away from his touch.

Olivia knew that Elliot would have thrown his anger around the precinct over this and she hoped that he wouldn't get in too much trouble for it.

"I'm not doing it." He pushed out through gritted teeth.

"If you actually give a damn about our relationship you'll do it."

"You know what? I can't do this right now." He shouted and punched the wall before storming out of the apartment and slamming the door.

Olivia sighed and made her way to the bedroom, she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep but she needed to get off of her feet. Her ankles were swollen, or she at least imagined them to be, she hadn't been able to see them for months. She slipped into bed and closed her eyes, she'd been feeling nauseated for the past few hours and wanted nothing more than to feel like herself once again.

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

Elliot didn't come home that night but Olivia had never really expected him to, she knew he would stay in the cribs to cool down. When she got up the next morning he wasn't home either so she made the kid's lunches and dropped the twins at school before dropping Eli at Kathy's. Then she headed back home to spend the day relaxing in front of the TV with a large tub of ice cream.

Dickie sat on the bus with his cell phone attached to his ear. Olivia was supposed to pick him up from soccer practice over an hour ago. He'd waited for at least thirty minutes before he rang her cell but there was no answer, he then tried the apartment phone but there was still no answer.

He tried ringing his Dad soon after that but there was no answer there either, he hadn't really expected him to answer, he was working a particularly difficult case which needed his full attention. He tried ringing his sister to see if Olivia had gotten the times mixed up and gone to pick Lizzie up from Drama class first, he knew it was unlikely but worth the try. Lizzie didn't answer, drama class wasn't over yet.

He sighed and tried Olivia's cell again and then the apartment phone, hanging up each time it hit answer phone. As a last ditch attempt he tried the precinct just in case she was there doing paper work. She wasn't supposed to be, even Cragen had put his foot down and said enough was enough, after all she only had just over a month of her pregnancy to go and everyone knew the likelihood of twins being early.

"Captain Cragen its Dickie. Is Liv there?"

"No son, she isn't."

"How about my Dad?"

"He's out on a case at the moment."

Cragen could hear a hint of panic in the boy's voice and began to wonder if everything was okay.

"Has Liv been there at all today?" Dickie asked.

"Not today. Is everything okay Richard?"

Dickie smiled at Cragen's use of his real name, he was the only one that still called him that. Elliot used to when he was cross at him but now he just changed the tone of his voice rather than calling him by his full name.

"She was supposed to pick me up from soccer practice over an hour ago and she didn't show. I've tried ringing her cell and the apartment phone but there is no answer."

"Maybe she went out with Casey. Do you need someone to come and pick you up?"

"No, I'm good. I got the bus, I'm almost home now."

"Well I'll try ringing your Father and Casey, you let me know as soon as she turns up."

"I will do."

Dickie hung up and jumped off the bus as it came to his stop. He ran the three blocks to the apartment and up the flight of stairs as quickly as possible. He couldn't find his key so emptied the contents of his bag all over the hallway.

"I hope you are going to pick that up young man!" The old woman from down the hall called to him as he put the key in the lock.

"Sure thing Mrs Willis but I have more important things to do right now."

He disappeared into the apartment and allowed the door to slam shut before she could say another word. He threw his keys on the side and headed into the lounge.

"Liv, are you home?" He called.

He noticed her car keys on the coffee table and her bag by the door and panicked a little. She wouldn't have gone out without her car keys or bag.

"Olivia?" He called a little louder.

He ran down the hall and into the bedroom but it was empty. On his descent back down the hall he noticed one of Eli's toys and remembered that Eli would be at their Mother's, he relaxed a little thinking that maybe that's where Liv had gone.

Yes that's where she was...

Except it didn't make sense, she wouldn't have gone to get Eli without the car.

He called her name once again as he pushed open the bathroom door.

"Oh shit."

Dickie dropped to his knees as he spotted Olivia sprawled out on the bathroom floor, her eyes were closed and he was terrified that she might not be breathing. He reached for her neck and eventually found a pulse, it was weak but it was there.

He stroked her cheek before gently shaking her in an effort to wake her up.

"Olivia, can you hear me? Please Liv wake up." He pleaded.

By the time he dialled 911 tears were streaming down his face, he'd never been so scared in all his life. It seemed like a lifetime as he waited for them to answer and when they did answer he suddenly felt unsure of what to say.

"911, please state your emergency."

.

.

.

"911, please state your emergency."

"I need an ambulance."

"Okay can you tell me what's wrong?"

"It's my stepmom. I er…I came home from soccer practice and found her on the bathroom floor." All his words jumbled together in his panic.

"Honey could you speak a little slower for me. Take some deep breaths."

"My step-mom shes unconscious please send an ambulance quickly."

"What's your current location?"

"225 East 66th Street."

"Okay, I'm going to dispatch an Ambulance to you immediately. I want you to stay on the line for me."

"Okay, please hurry."

The line went quiet while the dispatcher radioed across for an ambulance. Dickie squeezed Olivia's hand and gripped the phone tightly in the other.

"What's your name?"

"Dickie, Dickie Stabler. Please they need to come quick, she's bleeding."

"Bleeding? How bad is the bleeding?"

"Bad. There's blood everywhere, I don't know what to do."

"Can you tell me where she's bleeding from?"

"Er…she's pregnant, she's bleeding from…well you know."

"Okay Sweetie, can you grab a towel or something and put it between her legs? We need to try and stem the bleeding if we can."

"Sure, I'll get some."

Dickie grabbed some towels and applied some pressure to try and slow the bleeding. If it wasn't so serious he would certainly have been grossed out by the whole situation.

"Do you know how far along she is Dickie?"

"Almost eight months, she's having twins."

"Okay and is this her first pregnancy?"

"Yes."

"How old is she?"

"Um..I dunno, a few years younger than my Dad so….thirty-eight or thirty-nine."

"Has she had any complications?"

"No, I don't think so. How long are they going to be? She's getting cold."

"Can you feel a pulse?"

Dickie grabbed her wrist and tried to locate a pulse.

"It's weak."

"Keep applying pressure and don't panic. The ambulance will be with you shortly."

"I think I can hear the sirens. I should go, I need to let them in."

"Stay with your step-mom Dickie. " The dispatcher informed him.

"Okay"

"They're here. Thank you for your help."

"You're welcome Honey."

Dickie held her hand in the ambulance refusing to let go but giving the EMT's enough room to work on her, he continued to hold her hand as they rushed her through the hospital corridors. He only finally let go as a nurse prized his hand from her and pulled him into the waiting room.

In the waiting room his Stabler anger had surfaced, he kicked at the wall, threw a chair across the room and swiped the magazines off a small table before a nurse managed to calm him sufficiently enough to sit in a chair.

He'd apologized and cleaned up the mess he had made before calling Cragen to let him know where they were and calling his Mother to make sure she picked up Lizzie.

And then he waited, silently praying to God.


	27. Pretend

**Remember this happens at the same time as the previous chapter. This is based around the episode Ace but is in no way supposed to be exact so no need to tell me that quoted lines are incorrect as they are supposed to be that way. **

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Elliot walked the streets for hours after storming out of the apartment, he shouldn't have left her. He shouldn't have, but if he had stayed he was worried he would have hurt her, maybe not physically but emotionally.

He knew he had already done that. He saw the disappointment in her eyes as he had walked into the kitchen and he'd heard the shakiness of her voice as she'd told him he could have called.

And she was right, he could have called. If he hadn't of been so wrapped up in his own self-pity he would have called. The meal with his undercover partner from the 2-7 wasn't as bad as he had hyped it up to be, he went in expecting it to be a disaster. It wasn't but he still didn't like her, there was something off about her.

As he headed up the stairs and into the 1-6 he wondered what that something could be.

As he stepped into the elevator he decided it was because her hair was blonde.

As the doors closed in front of him he decided it was because her eyes were blue.

As the elevator began to move he decided it was because she was five foot three.

As the elevator came to a stop and the doors sprung open he realized the real reason for his dislike.

It wasn't that her hair was blonde or that her eyes were blue, it wasn't even that she was five foot three.

It was because her hair wasn't brown, her eyes weren't brown and she wasn't five foot ten.

It was because she wasn't Olivia.

And that in itself made everything about her wrong.

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

Elliot sat on the sofa in the living room of the ridiculously expensive apartment that they were using. He hated it, he hated the big piano in the corner, the tacky plants and most of all the stupid mock pictures of him and his 'wife'. They were laughable, in one he was kissing her cheek and any idiot could tell it was photo shopped.

His 'wife' Beth (her real name was actually Sarah and although she seemed nice enough he didn't like her much) was sat at his side, in fact she was pretty much sitting on his lap. Her hand ran up and down his thigh and he tried his best to look comfortable with the movements.

He was grateful when she got up to greet Petrov because being so close to her was driving him insane. This was all wrong, Olivia should have been at his side, they were partners until the end, doing this with some random officer was not how it was supposed to be. To make matters worse 'buying a baby' felt so out of place when the real love of his life was at home in bed carrying his babies. He forced a smile as Petrov nodded at them.

"This is my husband Glenn"

Elliot got up and shook the man's hand before casually resting a hand on 'Beth's' back. The man walked around taking in the apartment, he stopped by the table and picked up a photo off of it. He spent a lot of time studying it and Elliot was beginning to feel nervous.

"You are a cute couple. How long have you been married?"

"Five beautiful years." Sarah beamed and without warning kissed Elliot smack on the lips.

"And this is a very nice place you have."

"Oh thank you. We've been so...so fortunate with everything, good jobs, good money but..." She paused to allow tears to stream down her cheeks.

"We..we just haven't been able to have a baby. This is our last hope."

She cried more freely then and Elliot rubbed her back gently in an effort to calm her. In all honesty he wanted her to just shut up, her acting was bad and she was being very over dramatic. He was pretty sure she would blow their cover before they got anywhere near getting the baby.

"Don't worry Beth, Mr Brooks is here to help us." He forced a smile and squeezed her shoulder.

The man's phone beeped and he turned away to look at the message before turning back to them and showing them a picture of a newborn baby.

"Congratulations, it's a boy."

"Oh he's so beautiful."

"I need a name for the birth certificate."

"Oliver." Elliot replied without even thinking.

Sarah sucked in a breath beside him and tried to regain her composure, she hadn't expected him to choose that name. She was well aware of the reason he had and she found it to be very unprofessional.

"You don't like your husband's choice of name?" Petrov questioned.

"No..it's not that, it's just..."

"It was her Father's name, she's just a little choked up over it. He passed away last summer."

Sarah cried against Elliot's shoulder and he squeezed his eyes shut, praying that their cover hadn't just been blown.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you." Sarah breathed out.

"When do we get our boy?" Elliot questioned.

"When I call you, you'll wait for my call."

As Petrov left Elliot turned to look at Sarah, who was busy turning on her cell phone.

"You almost ruined that for us. You almost took down this whole operation with your stupidity." Elliot shouted.

"Me? This is my fault? You're the one who is so wrapped up in your stupid fucking girlfriend that you can't even function without her." Sarah shouted back as equally loud.

"What did you just say?" He spat out as he closed the gap between them.

"You heard me."

"What is your Goddamn problem?"

"You are. You're pathetic how you run around after her, she says jump and you say how high. Everyone knows shes using you just like the rest of them!"

"Everyone? So now your stupid opinion is everyone's opinion? Give me a break!"

"You never get to hear what everyone else is whispering because you're with her. Someone is always talking about her over at the 2-7 and believe me it is never good."

"This is bullshit. I'm done with this." Elliot spat as he walked away.

"Everyone knows what a slut she is, its common knowledge in the police world. That poor detective she pounced on that had to be transferred out, the closet gay with his HIV, the countless number of reporters and let's not forget the FBI agent. I wonder who else she's been banging."

"You are one twisted bitch."

"At least I know how to keep my legs crossed. Rumour has it that isn't even your baby."

Elliot lost all sense of control and headed straight towards her, the vein in his neck pulsed at an unimaginable pace. He grabbed her wrists as she cried out.

"You need to learn to keep your mouth shut and then maybe you might actually get to open your legs."

"I get plenty of action thank you very much but obviously not as much as your girlfriend." She smirked in his face.

"Who the fuck are you?"

She laughed and tried to shake his grip from her wrists but she couldn't, he was holding on far too tightly.

"I believe you know my brother..."

Realization hit Elliot like a tonne of bricks, how had he been so fucking stupid? He should have made the connection earlier. The name was a dead giveaway, she hadn't even tried to hide it.

"You're Kurt Moss' sister?"

"So now you know why."

"They didn't work out, that's not a reason to be this angry."

"Wow poster boy for rage giving me advice?"

Elliot's puzzled reaction made her laugh loudly before she replied.

"Yeah everyone knows about your temper. Do you knock her around when she upsets you too?"

"I have never laid a hand on her and I never will!"

"Maybe you should, might be a little easier to control."

"You have her all wrong, she is a good person."

"She left my brother, he wanted to move in together, to start a family but no precious Olivia was too busy trying to wreck the marriage of her partner so she could have him. After all a hunk like you would look much better on her arm than my brother."

"Olivia never tried to ruin my marriage, in fact she tried to save it many times."

"Wow and I guess that makes her a hero."

"I don't understand this anger. If you hate her so much aren't you glad that she walked away from him."

"I didn't hate her before, I didn't even know her. Every time Kurt said I should come round to meet her, he'd always phone and say she was held up at work and I understood that. I honestly understood because I'm used to cancelling on people too, it's the nature of the job right?"

"And them splitting up changed all that for you?" Elliot asked.

"No, at first I thought that these things happen but then I researched her a little and realized that they had no hope of working from the beginning and she knew that. She knew that and she still started a relationship with him."

"You cannot say that she knew that, you're not inside her head. She really tried to make it work with him, they just drifted."

"Which was oh so convenient for you wasn't it? Kurt is a broken man now."

"Olivia and I have only been together a few months. It wasn't anything to do with me."

"He tried to kill himself."

"What? You can't be serious."

"You ever meet him?" She questioned.

"Once." Elliot replied, deciding that telling her the circumstances of the meet wouldn't be very helpful in this situation.

"You wouldn't recognize him now. Hes lost almost thirty pounds, he doesn't bother to look after himself, he lost his job last year. Hes a mess and last month he finally gave up."

"He didn't make it?" Elliot cringed.

"He made it, only managed to slit one wrist before I got to him. Hes staying with me right now and its killing me, watching him sitting there all day doing nothing. Hes a shadow of the man he used to be. How do I get him back?"

"He needs therapy. With help he can find himself again."

"I want her to come and see him." Sarah breathed out and searched Elliot's eyes for his answer.

"I don't think that's a good idea...I'm not trying to be obstructive, it's just she doesn't need any extra stress right now."

"I don't see how she can be as stressed as he is. She owes this to him."

"Yeah well it seems in your coffee gossiping session no one told you that Liv has been through a lot these last few months. She's been held against her will twice for God's sake. One of those men is still out there somewhere and he probably hasn't given up!"

"I'm sorry, I..."

"Didn't give a damn about actually finding out the truth."

Sarah allowed fresh tears to stream down her pale cheeks. He was right, she wanted Olivia to be a bad person, it somehow would make her brother's sadness justified. Coming here had been a mistake, she wanted to hurt them as much as they had hurt her brother but all she had learnt was that Elliot and Olivia are good people and Kurt's path of self-destruction was all down to him.

"Did you come here to mess up this undercover operation on purpose?" Elliot glared.

Before she could reply Cragen came running into the apartment, closely followed by their fake maid.

"What the hell is going on here?" Cragen shouted.

"Captain I can explain.." Elliot muttered as he quickly let go of Sarah's wrists.

"You can explain later, we have to leave right now."

Cragen was already heading back the way he came as Elliot replied.

"Why what's going on? Is our cover blown?" He glared at Sarah.

"It's Olivia."

"What? What's wrong?"

"Shes at the hospital Elliot and things don't look good."


	28. Mother

**Sorry this took a little longer than I said it would be I've also drafted the next two chapters so look out for those, they shouldn't be too long!**

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Dickie waited what seemed like days but in reality it was only just over two hours until a doctor sat down beside him and offered a weak smile. He'd seen those distant eyes on TV and the weak smile the doctors always offered before they shattered your whole world. He swallowed and looked up at him.

"Is she okay?" He asked while trying to make sure his voice didn't break.

"Your Mom is fine. She lost a lot of blood so we had to give her an emergency transfusion. She'll be feeling a little tired for a while and will need to stay in for observation but she'll make a full recovery. You'll have your Mom back in no time."

Dickie smiled at the doctor's mistake, he thought about correcting him because really he should but he didn't because he has never heard anything sound so right in his whole life. He loves his real Mother but the fact that Olivia has always been there despite not having to be really reaches out to him. It warms his heart and makes him thankful for everything he has in this world.

"How about the twins?"

"They are both perfectly fine. You can go and see them whenever you are ready."

"They are all really fine, this isn't some kind of joke?"

The doctor laughed gently and placed a gentle hand on Dickie's shoulder.

"They really are fine but your Mom is going to need a lot of help over the coming months. Unfortunately due to the c-section she can't lift anything heavy for a while and she needs to rest to allow her body to recover from that and from the blood loss."

"I'll be helping as much as I can." Dickie exclaimed.

"She is very lucky to have you."

"No, I'm very lucky to have her." Dickie smiled.

The doctor nodded and smiled as he got up to leave.

"Doctor?"

"Yes?" He answered as he stopped in the doorway.

"Thank you."

The doctor nodded before allowing the door to close behind him.

Dickie walked slowly towards Olivia's room, he wanted nothing more than to see her and make sure for himself that she was really okay but at the same time he was scared of her seeing him so broken. He couldn't explain what he'd felt in those moments where he thought he was losing her. She was the best thing to happen to their family and he would do anything to keep her right there with them.

He took a deep breath as he reached the room and pushed the door open in one swift movement. Olivia was sitting up in bed, she looked pale and he was pretty sure the only reason she was able to sit up was due to the back of the bed being in a sitting position.

"Hey Sweetheart." She smiled gently at him.

Tears poured down the teenager's cheeks and he wiped frantically at his eyes in an effort to stop them.

"Oh baby why are you crying?"

Olivia reached her hand out to him and he took it instantly before sitting down on the bed.

"I was so scared Liv, I thought…I thought you might die and that…that I couldn't save you."

"Well the doctor was just telling me how I have you to thank for being here right now."

"You do?" He questioned.

"I sure do. He told me how you stemmed the bleeding and kept me warm. He also told me how you stayed with me until they forced you into the waiting room. If you hadn't of been there, I would have bled out. You saved me."

"No, I didn't do anything extraordinary. I did what everyone else would have done."

"Dickie…."

"Are the babies okay?"

Olivia laughed slightly and looked over to the corner of the room at the two tiny cots that were placed there, each one housing a tiny newborn baby.

"Oh, I didn't even notice. I was too worried. They are okay, right?"

"They sure are thanks to their big brother. Do you want to hold your new brother? I know you were dying for another little brother to corrupt."

Dickie laughed and walked over to the cots, he reached in and stroked his brother's head gently before picking up the little bundle of pink blankets from the next crib along.

"Actually I was more excited about having a little sister with your personality."

Dickie sat down on the bed next to Olivia once again as she wiped tears from her eyes.

"She's so beautiful." Dickie smiled as the little girl closed her hand around his little finger.

"She's perfect." Olivia replied.

"She looks like you."

"You think so?" Olivia questioned.

"Yeah, she has your nose and your hair."

The baby opened her eyes and blinked up at her big brother in fascination.

"Wow and those are definitely your eyes."

Olivia smiled and gently stroked his arm. She was so thankful that her children were all okay, the ones she had birthed herself and the ones that she had acquired along the way. It had been a long journey, she'd waited twelve years for this. Twelve long years but she finally had everything she wanted, well almost. They could do with a house instead of an apartment, they could do with a little more money and a better car but those were material things, she had everything she needed right here.

"Did you phone your Mom? I was supposed to get Eli. Oh God and Lizzie."

"Liv don't panic, I rang Mom and she was going to get Lizzie. I rang the precinct and Cragen was going to try and get hold of Dad."

Olivia sighed.

"I heard him shouting at you last night and I heard him leave."

"Dickie…"

"I'm mad at him too you know. For doing this undercover assignment, he should have been home looking after you. Maybe this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been so stressed over all this."

"It wasn't your Father's fault. What happened today or taking the assignment, I told him to take it. He was cross with me for making him."

"Why?"

"Because if he had stayed with me and that little boy had died, he would never have forgiven himself or me. I didn't want that hanging over us."

"But what if you had died or the twins? What would have happened to him then?"

"Nobody knew this was going to happen and its okay, everyone is fine."

"But you almost weren't"

Dickie started crying again as he cradled his little sister in his arms.

"You didn't see all the blood Liv, there was so much blood and….you were starting to get cold and I put a blanket over you but you just kept getting colder."

Olivia slipped her arm around him and kissed his forehead.

"It's okay, everything is okay now. They patched me up good and new."

"But it could…."

"Let's not think about could have beens okay? Let's just think about the here and now."

"Okay." Dickie placed a gentle kiss on his sister's forehead as she yawned lazily at him.

"How was soccer practice?"

"You're unbelievable you know that right?" Dickie laughed.

"What? What did I do?" Olivia asked clearly confused.

"You've just been through all of this and you want to know how my day was?"

"I always ask you how your Day was."

"Yeah but today you've be through a lot and you still asked."

Olivia frowned, children sure were confusing.

"Is it so wrong that I want to know whether my boy had a good day or not?"

Dickie beamed at her referring to him as her 'boy'.

"It was good but my friends were disappointed that my 'amazingly sexy' step-mom didn't make an appearance."

Olivia laughed loudly before cringing slightly at the pain.

"Amazingly sexy? I was huge. I still am huge and probably will be for a while."

"That didn't matter. Believe me Mom they all have a major complex for you."

Olivia waited for Dickie to correct his mistake of calling her Mom but he didn't, in fact he didn't even seem to realize he had said it.

"Oh and you're not huge. You just had twins, you're allowed to carry some extra weight."

"What did I do to deserve you guys huh?"

"You mean what did we do to deserve you?" Dickie smiled and watched his baby sister wriggling in his arms.

The room fell silent for a few minutes as they watched the baby girl snuggled between them.

"Maybe Lizzie and I should go home."

"Honey please don't feel like you have to. I meant it when I said you can stay as long as you like. I'm not sure what we are going to do about Eli though."

"We'll be in the way."

"I promise you won't and you know I could probably do with some help once your Dad goes back to work, I won't be able to get their stroller up and down the stairs."

"I could help with that. I could lift all the heavy things for you!"

Olivia smiled and then sighed.

"I'm going to have to talk to your Mom about Eli though, I can't have the twins disturbing him all night. It was bad enough with them kicking and waking him up constantly."

"Really?" Dickie laughed.

"I'd wake up to him patting my stomach and telling them to stop. I'd move him over closer to your Dad but he'd always end up back snuggled against me." Olivia smiled.

"He is going to love them so much, he's been so excited."

"That will soon change I'm sure. When they are crawling around and grabbing his boat."

Dickie's laughter filled the room.

"Nobody is allowed to touch that boat. He'll probably say no one is touching his babies either."

Olivia laughed knowing he was probably right. Eli was going to grow up into a typical Stabler guy. She could feel tiredness taking over her and struggled to stop her eyes from closing.

"Why don't you go and get yourself something to drink? You must be thirsty."

"I'm not leaving you."

"Dickie, I'm fine. Take some money from my purse and go get a drink. We'll still be here when you get back."

Dickie reluctantly placed his sister back in the crib, took some money and left but he didn't go from a drink. He closed the door behind him and only made it several feet up the corridor before he sunk to the floor. He rested his head back against the cold plaster of the wall and allowed himself to cry once again.


	29. Name

**I know some of you are waiting for Elliot to arrive at the hospital so here it is. Enjoy!**

* * *

Elliot flew through the hospital doors and right up to the reception desk, there were several people waiting patiently in a queue before him but he cut straight in front of them. He didn't care that people were waiting, he didn't care if they were just as worried as him, it didn't matter because in that moment he was only worried about himself and his family. The love of his life could be dead and he didn't know how he would go on without her. All his mind would focus on was the car journey and Cragen's words.

"All I know is there was a lot of blood."

He'd waited so long for her, so long to have a family with her and he couldn't lose that now, he just couldn't. It would break his heart beyond repair. Cragen had pulled up outside the entrance and Elliot was out of the car before it had even come to a complete stop. He had heard Cragen calling after him, telling him he was going to go find a parking space but it didn't really register with him. His mind was in too much of a turmoil to process any new information.

"Where's Olivia Benson? Which room is she in?" He asked breathlessly.

"Sir there is a queue, if I could just ask you to wait your turn."

"You've got to be kidding me? I need to know where she is right now. Look her up on the computer."

"Sir..."

"Are you fucking incompetent as well as stupid? How hard is it to type a name into the computer?" Elliot was fuming, panic had well and truly taken him over.

"I'm giving you one more chance to get to the back of the queue or I'm calling security."

Before Elliot could reply the old lady standing behind him spoke up.

"It's alright Love, go ahead and look for him. The poor man is shaking, hes obviously upset."

The receptionist sighed and typed away at the computer before turning back to Elliot.

"There's no one here by that name." She informed him in an agitated tone.

"What do you mean there's no one here by that name? Are you doing this on purpose because of how I spoke to you?"

"Oh so you acknowledge the fact that you spoke to me inappropriately?"

"Just look again, you probably spelt it wrong. It's B.E.N.S.O.N"

Elliot suddenly felt a hand on his forearm and turned to find Lizzie standing at his side.

"Dad please calm down."

"Lizzie..."

"Excuse me could you please search for an Olivia Stabler?" Lizzie asked politely.

"Certainly." The receptionist smiled, thankful to be treated with some respect.

"Stabler? She won't be in under that name!"

"Dad, Dickie was distraught when he called, I'm pretty sure if they asked him his name they may have just assumed it was her surname too."

"Olivia Stabler was brought in almost four hours ago."

"Where is she?" Elliot questioned, his temper lessening slightly.

"Are you family?"

"She's my girlfriend, please I need to see her."

"I'll just call a doctor for you, if you'd just take a seat."

"Oh God, shes dead isn't she?" Tears streamed down his face.

Lizzie grabbed hold of his arms.

"Dad look at me, no one said anything like that. Just breathe."

"I...can't,...I...can't...breathe...without...her." Elliot choked out.

The receptionist put the phone down and turned back towards the pair.

"The doctor said to send you up to the ward. He'll talk to you up there where it's a little more private. You want Room 108B. Go up a floor and it's on the left towards the end of the corridor."

"Thank you." Lizzie offered as she pulled Elliot away from the desk.

Elliot spotted Kathy standing by the stairwell with Eli balanced on her hip and followed Lizzie over to them.

"I'm so sorry Elliot, if there is anything that I can do...If you need the kids to come back home, I understand."

"Thanks but I just need to see Olivia right now."

"I want Livvieeeee." Eli sniffled against his Mother's neck.

"Daddy needs to go and see Olivia first okay? You can see her in a little while, I promise. El you go ahead, we'll wait here. I trust someone will let us know how she is?"

"I will." Elliot called over his shoulder as he took the steps two at a time.

He ran down the corridor praying to God, a God that he hadn't prayed to in a long time. He hoped he would forgive him for his lack of faith and that he would help him through this. The thought of telling his children that Olivia was never coming back made him heave. He ran to the nearest trash can and threw up the contents of his stomach.

The thought of their argument being the last words he ever said to her made him reach for the trash can once more. He grabbed a tissue from his pocket and wiped his mouth before continuing to run down the corridor.

A nurse asked him where he was going but he completely ignored her and carried on running until he spotted his son slumped outside of a room. His heart shattered into a million pieces.

"Where is she? Is she okay?"

"Dad, calm down. Liv is fine, the babies too."

"Why are you out here? How could you leave her on her own?" Elliot shouted as he yanked open the door to the room.

Olivia's eyes were closed and her skin was deathly pale, Elliot surveyed the room for breathing equipment but found none, he sighed loudly thankful that she was at least breathing by herself. A drip was placed securely in the back of her hand which was resting on her stomach.

Elliot quickly made his way to the bed and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before sitting down in the chair at her side.

"Thank you God. I know I haven't talked to you that much recently but I promise I will from now on. Thank you for bringing her back to me."

He gently stroked a strand of hair away from her face, she always had it covering her eye. She liked it that way but he liked seeing her whole face, he liked seeing her for everything she was.

"I don't know what I would do without you, I...I want to make things right between us. Please forgive me."

Olivia's eyes gently flickered open.

"El..." Her voice was a little hoarse.

"Oh thank God." Elliot grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips giving it a kiss.

"How did the undercover thing go?" She asked as she gently stroked her thumb across the skin of his hand.

"Let's not worry about that now. I was so scared Liv, I thought the last words I ever got to say to you could have been the ones I shouted last night." Tears dripped down his cheeks.

"I know you didn't mean last night and I made it worse by being bitchy."

"You were in pain last night weren't you? You were trying to tell me and I ran out on you. This is all my fault."

"I only had a little discomfort, it went away as soon as I got in bed and it's not your fault."

"I'm so sorry baby, so so sorry." Elliot cried.

Olivia looked up and him and offered him a weak smile.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. We're all good."

The door opened and Dickie came in sheepishly. Refusing to look at either of them he cleared his throat.

"You're right Dad. I was wrong, I'm sorry for leaving."

"You think saying sorry makes this okay?" Elliot barked.

Olivia's eyes widened.

"What the hell is going on? He saved my life, he saved our lives. Don't you dare talk to him like that. I don't care how upset you are, it doesn't give you the right to be an asshole to your son."

"He's right Liv, I should have waited with you."

"No you shouldn't have, I told you to leave. Ignore your Father, he is just upset with himself and mostly with me."

"Olivia" Elliot sighed. "I'm not upset with you. Look Dickie I'm sorry okay, I didn't mean it. It's just so much to take in right now."

"It's okay Dad, I understand. Liv can I?" Dickie nodded to the crib in the corner.

"Sure thing Sweetie."

Olivia watched as he picked up his sister and carefully sat down in the chair across the room. A smile spread across her face at him being so careful with her, like if he held her too tightly she might break.

"What happened?" Elliot asked before kissing her hand.

"Placental abruption, I don't really understand what it all means. The doctor's words kind of all blurred into one. I lost a fair amount of blood so they gave me a transfusion."

"I wish I was here with you." Elliot cried.

"They wouldn't have let you in anyway El, it was too much of an emergency."

A small cry echoed through the room and Elliot quickly moved to pick up his son before sitting back down on the bed next to Olivia. A small pair of intense blue eyes stared up at him.

"Wow, he has my eyes."

"He sure does." Olivia replied while staring at their son in awe.

"Did you guys decide on names yet?" Dickie asked without even looking up from the baby snuggled in his arms.

"We discussed it months ago but never really decided on anything." Olivia answered as she gently stroked her baby boy's hair.

"I still like the name we had considered for a girl." Elliot offered.

"Jade?"

"Yeah, does she look like a Jade?" Elliot asked as he looked over at his daughter.

"What exactly does a Jade look like?" Olivia laughed.

"Utterly beautiful. So are we decided?"

"I think so."

"Jade Alexis Benson it is then."

Elliot leaned forward and gave Olivia a quick kiss.

"We never really discussed boy's names."

"His middle name is going to be Richard and that's non negotiable." Olivia informed him.

"What?" Dickie questioned.

"It's only fair that he has your name and I'd really like your suggestion for a first name."

Just then the door opened and Lizzie walked in with Kathy following close behind, Eli crying quietly in her arms.

"I'm sorry to barge in like this but he wouldn't stop crying, I think we were starting to annoy everyone down there."

"Its fine Kathy, it's nice to see you." Olivia smiled as Kathy put Eli down and headed towards the door.

"Congratulations and I'm glad you are all okay. I just need to pop outside to call Mark."

"Thanks Kathy."

"Oh my God, shes soooo beautiful!" Lizzie squealed as she cooed at the baby in her twin brother's arms.

Eli stood at the end of the bed clutching his rabbit and continued to cry.

"Mommmmyyyyyyy."

"Hey little man, what's with all the tears?"

Dickie got up and handed Olivia baby Jade before picking Eli up and placing him on the end of the bed. He stood and peered over at his parents and his new baby brother and sister.

"My babies?"

"That's right buddy. Come say hello." Elliot smiled at him.

Eli frantically shook his head and frowned at Olivia. Dickie laughed and ruffled his hair.

"He's confused. I think he thought you would go back to looking like you did before after the babies came 'out'."

Olivia couldn't help but laugh.

"I see. Eli Mommy's tummy has to stay big for a little while even though the babies aren't inside anymore."

Eli nodded as if to say that he understood and continued to stare at the babies but refused to get any closer.

"How are you feeling Liv?" Lizzie asked.

"A little sore and tired but so grateful to be alive." Olivia smiled.

As they continued to talk, Eli slowly got closer and closer until he was eventually sitting on Elliot's lap and looking directly into his brother's eyes.

"He not look like Eli." He said as he scrunched up his nose.

"You guys have the same eyes." Elliot told him and Eli nodded.

"Not same hair."

"No because he has Mommy's hair, doesn't he?"

Eli nodded again.

"How about you go and say hello to your little sister? Her name is Jade."

Eli shuffled around and leant over, he gently poked her arm which caused everyone to laugh.

"Jade" Eli pointed at the little girl then he turned to point at his brother. "Jake."

Olivia and Elliot looked at each other and Elliot shrugged.

"Jacob Richard Benson...I like it."

"Me too." Elliot admitted.

"Jake." Eli exclaimed as he pointed again.

Jacob let out a small cry and Eli snuggled against Olivia's side with his hands pressed over his ears.

"No like them." He whined as he snuggled deeper under Olivia's arm.


	30. Selfish

**I apologize for Eli's temper in this chapter but I wanted to address the feeling the youngest child sometimes gets when a new baby arrives. It won't last, I promise. **

* * *

Olivia and the twins had been home for three days and things were going well, hectic but well. The lack of space was becoming an issue but everyone was learning to deal with it apart from Eli. Eli had been back living with Kathy and coming around for a few hours in the afternoon but he wasn't happy. He was used to having Olivia's undivided attention and was frustrated that he now had to share her with two babies.

"MOMMMMMMMYYYYYYY" Eli screamed across the room.

Olivia looked up from the baby sucking at her breast to the toddler standing in the corner of the room.

"What's wrong sweetheart?"

"GO PARK!"

"We can't right now."

"GO PARK!" He screamed again.

They always went to the park when he asked to go and now he just couldn't understand why they weren't going this time. He scrunched up his face in protest and glared at the baby in Olivia's arms.

"Honey can you please not shout, Jake is sleeping. Maybe we can go to the park later, when Daddy gets back from the store."

"NO NOW." He stomped his foot and threw his toy car across the room.

"ELI!" Olivia said sternly, she didn't want to shout at him yet she wanted him to know she was serious.

Eli immediately started crying, waking Jake from his peaceful sleep and causing a small cry to echo around the room. Eli ran across the room and as Olivia reached out to grab his arm her breast jerked out of Jade's mouth causing her to join in the crying. Olivia felt the tears welling in her own eyes and blinked to try and get rid of them.

"Shhh baby, Mommy's sorry." Olivia whispered to Jade as she placed her nipple back into the youngster's mouth.

Olivia used her foot to gently rock Jake's baby carrier in an effort to calm him. She prayed he would go back to sleep and that Elliot would get home from the store soon. Eventually the baby boy's eyes flickered closed and Olivia stopped the rocking movement of her foot.

After Jade was finished feeding Olivia burped her and placed her back into her baby carrier before gently easing herself up off the sofa and heading off to find Eli. She searched her bedroom, the spare bedroom and was making her way past the bathroom when she heard the water running. She quickly pulled open the door to find Eli sitting fully clothed in the bathtub with both the taps turned on fully.

"What the hell are you doing Eli?" Olivia questioned as she reached out to turn off the taps.

Eli not wanting her to turn off the water reached out and slapped her arm.

"NO!" He screamed.

Olivia froze, she couldn't believe he'd just slapped her. Tears immediately steamed down her face as she began to think what a failure of a Mother she was. She turned off both the taps and grabbed the towel.

"I need you to get out now. Please Eli, don't make this difficult for me."

"NO GET AWAY." He pushed at her hand.

"Please Honey. I know you're frustrated but this isn't the way to behave."

"LEAVE NOW." Eli sobbed as he splashed water all over her.

"Don't you dare talk to Mom like that!" Dickie said as he walked into the bathroom, in all the chaos Olivia hadn't heard him come home.

Olivia quickly dried herself with the towel before Dickie took it from her and grabbed Eli out of the tub, he kicked and screamed but Dickie refused to let go of him.

"Just stop it Eli, right now or we are getting straight on the bus and taking you home."

"NOT FAIR!" Eli frantically shook his head and screamed louder.

The tears were streaming down Olivia's cheeks and she hated seeing Eli in so much distress. She gently stroked his back hoping to calm him but he lashed out at her again. She shook her head and quickly left the room, escaping to the peacefulness of her bedroom.

Once Eli was dry Dickie found some dry clothes and started to get him changed.

"What's going on Bud? Why are you being so nasty to Mommy?"

Eli ignored him and continued to cry as Dickie pulled the vest down over his head.

"All she has ever done is love you and she didn't have to, she didn't have to do anything for us."

"Mommy no love me." Eli sobbed.

"What? Of course she does. She loves you very much but the babies need her right now. They can't do things on their own but you can, you can be a big boy and show Mommy how good you are."

"No, no, no, babies go away."

"Well they aren't going anywhere so either you learn to be nice or you won't be allowed to come round here anymore. People don't want to spend time with naughty toddlers."

"I not naughty."

"Right so hitting Mom is being good is it?"

"Hate you."

"Why don't you go and play with some toys?" Dickie sighed as he finished putting his little brother's socks on.

Eli ran off to find some toys and Dickie headed towards Olivia and Elliot's bedroom, he stopped outside the door and knocked gently.

"Mom? Can I come in?" He called gently.

After a few minutes he decided to go in even though she hadn't answered. He found her lying in the middle of the bed sobbing gently.

"He doesn't mean it, he doesn't understand."He offered softly.

"I appreciate your concern but I just want to be on my own." Olivia answered him in a shaky voice.

"I'm not going anywhere so you can just lay there and listen. Eli is upset because he wants you all to himself, he doesn't want to share you and he doesn't understand that babies need a lot of attention. He's always been the baby, always been the one that gets fussed over. It's a big change for him and none of his behaviour means that he hates you, in fact it means the opposite. It's because he loves you so much and because you are such a good mother to him."

Dickie sighed and sat down on the bed.

"Liv look at me please?"

He heard her sigh gently before turning over to face him, he offered her a weak smile and wiped a tear away with his thumb.

"I always knew that Mom and Dad wouldn't last, I always expected them to be over at some point. I told myself I would never call another woman Mom, that it didn't matter how much my Dad loved someone else, or how long he was with her, I would never do it. Then he brought me to the station one day and I saw you and I saw the way he looked at you, I knew immediately that you had his heart and I was happy that someone who seemed so nice made him smile. I met you and everything changed, the things you do for us, the way you look at us, it's everything, all the little things that other people might not even notice. I don't want you to ever question your ability of being a Mother because I'm pretty sure there's not many out there as good as you. Most women would run a mile if they fell for someone who already had five children."

"I'm not most women." Olivia breathed out through the tears.

"And I'm grateful for that, we all are. I know we haven't been the easiest to look after yet you've done an amazing job. You really have changed our lives around."

Olivia cried even more, she couldn't believe that someone like her was this lucky. Having seven children was a little crazy but she knew despite the heartaches that she loved this family more than anything in the world and that she wouldn't change a damn thing.

"Eli will learn, I had a talk with him. I'm not sure how much he understood but I'll keep talking to him until he understands it all."

"Thanks sweetheart." Olivia reached out and stroked the side of his face.

Dickie got up and pulled the comforter up over Olivia.

"You get some sleep and I'm going to have a shower. I'll get the twins if they wake up."

Dickie turned around as he reached the door and smiled as Olivia was already asleep. He quietly closed the door and headed off for a shower.

Several minutes later Elliot arrived home from the store, he dropped his car keys into the bowl on the table and placed the food in the kitchen before heading to the living room, he stopped in the door way and watched his three youngest children.

Jade let out a small cry and Eli having not noticed his Father's presence sighed and dropped his boat onto the floor. He padded over towards the baby carriers and peered in at his sister, he bent down and Jade lifted her arm up into his face. Eli smiled down at her and gently patted her head.

As she let out another cry he sat down between the two carriers and held her hand gently, stroking it with his thumb. Olivia would stroke his arm with her thumb when he was tired or a little grumpy and it always calmed him so he hoped it would have the same effect on the baby. He was immensely satisfied when she stopped crying.

"Still no like you." He told her before he took hold of his little brother's hand as well.

"Or you." He told him before turning back to focus on his TV show.

Elliot chuckled lightly and Eli quickly let go of the babies' hands and ran across the room, pretending he hadn't been anywhere near the twins.

"Hi Daddyyyy." Eli smiled sweetly.

"Hey Buddy, what you up to?"

"Watching Disney!"

"Really and have you been a good boy?" Elliot questioned.

Eli nodded and Elliot frowned, he could have sworn that he wasn't wearing that T-shirt when he left.

"Have you changed your clothes?"

"Had bath in them!"

"In your clothes?"

Eli nodded once more without taking his eyes off the TV screen.

"Where's Mommy?"

"Mommy sad." Eli sighed.

"And why is Mommy sad?" Elliot asked as he knelt down next to his son, trying to draw his attention away from the TV.

"Dickie make her cry! Bad Dickie!" He scowled.

Dickie walked into the room, pulling a clean T-shirt over his head before sitting down on the sofa.

"Hey Dad, you were a long time at the store."

"I had a few things I needed to sort out while I was gone. What's this I hear about you making Olivia cry?"

"What? That had nothing to do with me, it was all Eli." Dickie snorted.

"Dickie lie! Dickie lie!"

"Yeah that's why your nose is growing right now."

Eli reached for his nose just to check it was still the same size.

"No you lie! Dickie grab me and Mommy cry!"

"She cried because you hit her...more than once!"

Elliot's eyes widened and his voice suddenly turned to a serious tone.

"Eli did you hit Mommy?"

The little boy shook his head frantically but refused to look at his Father so Elliot grabbed his arm and turned him to face him.

"I'm going to ask you one more time and one more time only. Did you hit Mommy?"

Eli didn't answer but immediately started screaming. Hearing all of the commotion coming from the living room Olivia made her way in to see what was happening. Eli saw her first and quickly jerked away from Elliot before running into her legs.

"What's going on?" She asked sleepily.

"Being mean to Eli." The little boy clutching at her legs cried.

"Alright baby, why don't you come and rest with Mommy for a bit?" Olivia asked as she held out her hand to him.

Eli immediately took her hand and stuck his tongue out at Dickie.

"Liv?" Elliot called after them.

"Not now El." She replied as she disappeared from sight.

Elliot sighed and turned to his eldest son.

"Why don't you and I head out for a bit? There's something I want to show you."

"Sure thing Dad." Dickie replied as he got up from the couch.

Elliot quickly checked on the twins then scribbled a note to let Olivia know that they would be back soon before the father and son duo headed out of the apartment and towards their destination.


	31. Trade

**Sorry for the long delay everyone, I've just moved apartment buildings and have only now got everything into some kind of order!**

* * *

Olivia headed to the precinct with the twins and Eli so that she could have a private chat with Cragen. She was still recovering from her C-section so rang Fin to come down and meet her. Fin took a baby carrier in each hand and carried them up into the 1-6 for her.

"Where do you want them Baby girl?"

"Anywhere you can find some space." Olivia answered as she walked in behind him with Eli holding tightly to her hand.

Fin put them down on the desk before undoing the buckle and lifting Jade into his strong arms.

"Could you watch them for me while I go and talk to Cragen?" Olivia asked.

"Sure thing, they'll be just fine with Uncle Fin."

"Eli's not in the best of moods." Olivia whispered to Fin as she passed him.

Fin looked around the room and spotted Eli had climbed up into Olivia's desk chair and was quietly munching on a chocolate bar. Olivia had a stash in the top drawer from when she was pregnant, it was the only way she got through the day sometimes.

"He looks perfectly happy to me."

"Don't let him eat them all."

"Why how many have you got stashed in there?" Fin chuckled.

"Oh I'd say at least fifteen."

Olivia smiled before knocking gently on Cragen's door. He didn't reply immediately which she was immensely grateful for. She took a few minutes to compose herself and convince herself that this was a good idea. Cragen's call of "come in" disrupted her thoughts and she quickly entered his office before she could change her mind.

"Olivia what are you doing here? Elliot's not in."

"I know but I didn't come here to see him. Do you have a moment?"

Olivia turned back towards the open door as a tiny cry filtered into the room

"Don't worry Liv, Munch's ugly face just startled Jake. We got it  
covered." Fin shouted.

"More like that hideous shirt you are wearing hurt his poor eyes."

Olivia laughed and once satisfied that her children were okay she closed the office door.

"You brought the babies with you." Cragen smiled, a real smile that reached his eyes.

Although he would never admit it, Elliot and Olivia held a very special place in his heart. Despite the grief they had caused him, despite the lies, deep down they were good people and those babies were the closest he'd ever get to grandchildren. It was his duty to make sure their parents were around to see them grow up.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"You promise to hear me out? This is going to be difficult to hear."

Cragen nodded and motioned for her to take a seat, when she refused he knew it was serious.

He inhaled deeply and prepared himself. He'd been dreading this moment since the twins were born. Every day that she didn't turn up in his office telling him she was leaving was a blessing. He didn't know what the squad was going to do without her, she was their backbone, and she'd saved them all many times. Elliot would be the biggest problem, he wouldn't be able to do this without her, a point that already had been well and truly proven. He couldn't be partners with fin, they would kill each other, he couldn't be partners with munch, the older man wouldn't be able to keep up with him and the prospect of a completely new partner was even more daunting. He would never even give them a chance.

"I want to see Merritt." Olivia said as she watched the older man for his reaction.

"What?" Cragen was shocked but secretly happy that this was all she wanted to discuss.

"I need to see Merritt." She informed him.

"Why are you talking about this with me Olivia? We both know you could get in to see him without my permission."

"Because I don't want to do this behind your back. I couldn't handle the betrayal."

"I appreciate that more than you'll ever know. Why do you need to see him?" Cragen asked as he straightened the picture of Elliot, Olivia and himself that was permanently housed on his desk.

Olivia breathed a heavy sigh.

"I need closure and he's the only one who can give it to me. I need to know where Dean is."

" Why does it matter where he is? As long as he isn't here upsetting you then we don't have a problem."

"It matters to me, it's like I can't really move on until I know. Did you question the video feed?"

"You mean did I consider it to be genuine?"

"Yes."

"No but the tech guys said they are positive it was."

"I think it was a live feed of prerecorded footage and the only reason he isn't back here is because he can't get here."

"Olivia what are you trying to say?"

"He's dead Cap."

"I don't think we should jump to that conclusion."Cragen said seriously.

"He was losing too much blood unless they got him to a hospital then he's dead."

Olivia quickly looked at the floor realizing that she may have just slipped up. If Cragen had noticed then he didn't let on, he tapped his fingers lightly on the desk before answering her.

"Nobody knows how much blood he lost beings someone poured bleach everywhere."

"I need to see him. I need to know what happened when he went inside the warehouse. He wouldn't have helped Porter escape, if he got him out of there it was for a very different reason entirely."

"What makes you think he will tell you? Nobody knows what that man is really like, he has a very twisted mind."

"I'm going to lie to him. I don't want to but it's the only way to make him tell me exactly what happened."

"What exactly do you plan on telling him?" Cragen frowned.

"I'm going to tell him that I'm under suspicion of his murder and that I need him to help clear my name. It's risky, I know that but I can't go on not knowing."

"Well then if we want to make this as realistic as possible we better get started."

"Excuse me?"

"We need to make it realistic, he's a smart man. Let me make a few phone calls"

Olivia's dumbfounded look made him chuckle a little.

"Did you honestly think I would let you do this alone?" He asked her before he picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.

Olivia waited and listened intently to the phone call progressing in front of her while trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"You better get yourself off to Rikers, Casey will meet you there."

"What about Eli and the twins?"

"We will watch them until you get back."

"Thanks Don. Everything they need is in the bag by Elliot's desk, diapers, milk, wipes..."

"We'll be fine Liv." Cragen laughed.

**0-0-0-0-0-0**

Merritt's head snapped upwards as the door opened and ADA Casey Novak walked in, closely followed by Olivia. He immediately noticed the handcuffs imprisoning her wrists.

"Olivia, you had the babies. I kept asking but no one would tell me anything. Are they okay? Are you okay?"

Olivia smiled and gently rubbed her 'jelly' belly as Eli was calling it. As they had relaxed together earlier in the day he had prodded her stomach gently and told her it was like jelly. She was convinced that she still looked pregnant but she knew in reality she really didn't look that bad.

"They are fine. They're perfect." Olivia smiled as a tear ran down her cheek.

"What did you name them?"

"Jacob and Jade."

The tears started to roll down her cheeks more freely as she sat down in the chair.

"Olivia? What's going on?"

"They've arrested me on suspicion of murder."

"Of Agent Porter?"

" Yes."

"They can't do that, they don't have any evidence."

"They have my blood and his blood at the scene and there are discrepancies in my statement."

"But I..."

Merritt paused and looked towards Casey.

"Either you speak or you don't Merritt. Do you realize how much trouble I'll be in if they find out about this?" Casey told him.

"It's okay you can trust her."Olivia coaxed.

"I threw some bleach over the floor, I thought it would ruin it enough."

"It was dark, it's not your fault."

"I should have done a better job." He sighed.

After a few minutes silence Olivia cleared her throat.

"Where is he?"

"Olivia you don't have to worry about him. It's all taken care of."

"If I have to go through another trial my career is over whether I'm  
found innocent or not."

"I'm not supposed to tell you. You're not supposed to know anything just in case something goes wrong. We don't want them to tie it back to you."

"Well it's a bit too late for that." Olivia replied as she lifted her hands up to emphasize her point.

"You have a pen and paper?" Merritt asked Casey.

"Sure." Casey skeptically got them out of her briefcase and handed them across the table.

"They're not for me, they're for you. I'm giving you some instructions."

"No games Merritt." Casey warned him as she uncapped the pen.

"Life is a game Ms Novak."

"Merritt please" Olivia pleaded.

Olivia listened intently to the instructions as Merritt gave them to Casey and couldn't help but feel disappointed in the information he was giving.

"Merritt you need to tell me who the other guy is."

"What other guy?"

"You know who I mean."

"Olivia you need to drop this. Follow the instructions and you'll find the answers you need about Agent Porter but after that leave this the hell alone."

" Who are you protecting?"

"I'm protecting you. Please Olivia just walk away from this. If not for your sake then for Jacob and jade. Those are beautiful names by the way."

"Thanks" Olivia smiled.

"Have you got to stay here overnight?"

"Depends what they find after your instructions."

"If you have to stay I'll make sure you are safe, I promise."

Olivia reached across the table and gently stroked his hand.

"Thanks. Is everyone treating you okay?"

"Yes fine, well better than expected."

"Good." Olivia said while visually checking him over for cuts and bruises.

Casey coughed loudly to signal that they had to get moving.

"Make sure those instructions are followed exactly. You have to understand that Fin and Elliot must be the ones to go. It has to be them, promise me?"

"I don't see why it matters who goes..." Casey starts.

"It matters." Merritt finishes abruptly.

"Okay but if this is some kind of set up, I swear to God that you'll never be getting out!"

"It's not a set up although it would be nice if I could get some time off of my sentence for cooperation."

"We'll see. If and only if this works out then I might consider it."

As Casey guided Olivia out the door Merritt quickly called after them.

"Let this go Liv. Trust me it's easier this way."

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

Munch cringed as the baby boy's crying became louder.

"Why are you crying?"

"He's hardly going to answer you old man."Fin told the older man as he gently rocked the baby in his arms.

"I know that but you've changed him, you've held him, you've taken him for a walk, you've tried to feed him. What else could possibly be wrong?"

"He wants his Mommy man."

"I swear he's just crying to make me even greyer and to send me to an early grave!"

"He's now even a week old his brain doesn't work like that but in time I'm sure he'll get to work on that."

Fins phone starts ringing.

"Here take him a sec Munch."

"You can't be serious. What am I supposed to do with him?"

Fin carefully placed Jacob in Munch's arms and he immediately stopped crying.

"Oh."

"He must like your ugly face!"

"I'm glad someone does." Munch laughed as Fin picked up his cell.


End file.
